THREAT CONDITION: McConaughey.
Subject is displaying average intelligence, ability to watch television and read simply written articles in sunlight, is experiencing no headaches, and is walking around everywhere with this shirt off.

Question from @cdbarker: Is it possible to successfully use two quarterbacks of similar but divergent styles effectively, ie Tate and Denard?

The traditional wisdom — and it is a notion I generally have agreed with — is that having two quarterbacks is a euphemism for not having any. There are a few interesting counter examples, though none are truly compelling, like Mark Richt rotating D.J. Shockley and David Greene, or Spurrier rotating Doug Johnson and Noah Brindise every other play against Florida State. But, generally, it is a bad recipe. There are lots of reasons, but none may be more important than simply repetitions in practice. If you have two quarterbacks the receivers have to get used to both; the gameplan has to be taught in detail to both, film must be gone over with both, etc; and then there’s that old saw about “rhythm” and how it is disturbing with different guys in the huddle. I don’t find those latter ones all that persuasive, but there is at least a little truth to them.

But I think the winds are changing, and a two-quarterback system is quite possible. At its best you are likely to have the system Florida used to win the 2006 title: a starting quarterback in charge of most of the offense (Chris Leak), and a second guy with special abilities for whom a package is installed (then-freshman Tim Tebow). This example has now been made universal throughout football under the nauseatingly overused rubric, “the wildcat.” (Had “wildcat” been around in 2006 think of all of the puns Dan Shanoff could have used to describe how Meyer used his young talent.) The reason that works though is because you choose a starting quarterback for one set of skills (passing, reading the defense, making checks, accuracy, some athleticism, etc) but another guy opens up a new dimension because of their running ability, and the spread with a mobile guy gives the offense certain numerical advantages it doesn’t get with an immobile quarterback.

A beautiful marriage, when it works.

Aside from this though there are other forces pushing towards a two-quarterback system being right. One is the no-huddle offense, be it in its super fast forms or the kind where the play is signalled in from the sideline. Having eliminated the huddle, it is no big deal for a different triggerman to run onto the field; most of the players get the playcall from the sideline anyway. Indeed, this might be a bit overblown, but I think the no-huddle reduces the “field general” role for the quarterback to something more akin to a point guard or ball distributor. In ye olden days, guys like Bart Starr or Johnny Unitas not only played quarterback as we think of it now, but called all their own plays, made all the checks at the line, and made all the adjustments themselves. Contrast that with today. Gary Pinkel, the head coach of Missouri, remarked in a clinic that his squad hadn’t called a single audible in the last three years because of their no-huddle spread — all the calls came in from the sideline. With this “plug-n-play” approach substituting a new changeup quarterback isn’t such a huge deal.

Finally, the “rhythm” and practice time aspects. This is where the question is a good one, and the key language is in “similar but divergent styles.” There is little point (sorry Ol’ Ball Coach) in rotating guys who have basically the same skill set. Even if they are close in talent your team gains more benefits if the team picks a guy and develops him. If the Michigan hubbub has taught us anything, it is that there is only a limited amount of time to directly coach up players. But if they bring different skill sets, then it is worth it; the starting or “main” quarterback can still work on all the passing drills necessary while the other one works on their “package.” The fact that this change-up package includes some passes doesn’t change that.

The rhythm or leadership stuff I buy less, but that is a judgment every team is going to have to deal with. I don’t buy that a quarterback has to play every single snap to be a leader. In basketball, even Michael Jordan and Lebron James head to the bench sometimes. And seriously, how much more can your rhythm be thrown off than running a simple hand-off play? I think much of that talk from quarterbacks — often NFL guys — is mostly hubris. But, again, each coach will have to determine where the leadership comes from and whether his guys can handle it. Every decent player wants to be out there every play; you just have to find a way to make it work. I think the two-quarterback stuff is very viable, and will continue to be as offenses get more and more multiple, and roles and packages get more and more specialized and diverse.

Chris contributes here at EDSBS every Wednesday during the football season. Ask him questions by dropping a tweet at twitter.com/edsbs. He just figured out what’s causing that squeaking noise in your refrigerator and fixed it, and you didn’t even bother to thank him. Dick.

Blip. Shame about that. Blip. You might want to check your ACL after that. Blip. Noel Devine. Torn ACLs. Blip. Three feet to the right and farting lighting in your general direction. Blip. Blocking is a really an ironic exercise my offensive line does in order to keep themselves amused. Blip.

Blip. Offense progressing. Blip. Will have to carry defense still working on depth. Blip. That juke just impregnated your girlfriend. Will be born in four and a half months not nine. Blip. Twice as fast as other people. Blip. Courtesy of Smoking Musket. Blip.

My weaknesses? Probably that I work too hard. Tim Tebow is back in practice, and marking his territory by headbutting people like the big, rowdy Baby Rhino he is. He also is familiar with the classic answer to the interview question “what are your weaknesses?”:

Tebow returned to practice Monday, getting back to “head-butting people,” after missing some repetitions last week because of a sore lower back.

“Probably overworking, like I do everything,” Tebow said.

It beats “I sometimes have a hard time focusing when I become sexually aroused at work, because a it takes a lot of blood to fill up a love zeppelin like mine.” Try it when you’re interviewing with the family business after graduation: Mom will love it!

Cromptonites, rejoice. Jonathan Crompton will be your 2009 Tennessee starter, there will be no rotation of quarterbacks, and he will have to throw to himself. On the West Coast, Kevin Riley was quietly named the starter at Cal, beating out 6′ 5″, 231 pound Brock Mansion for the job. Mansion coped with the disappointment by flying off in his gold helicopter and weeping into a handkerchief made of threaded platinum while his harem of supermodels watched in grieving sympathy. Both will work with former Utah offensive coordinator Andy Ludwig this year, who Utah fans miss with all their heart waved at and said, “yeah, dude, um…later.”

Harsh. Players at South Carolina will now have a punishing 2 am curfew, but Spurrier’s best enforcer of team discipline may be wearing a black “ENFORCEMENT” t-shirt and eyeing your ID suspiciously at the door in Columbia nightclubs. The bouncer who put a red flesh-egg where Clifton Geathers’ right eye used to be is still loose in Columbia. Geathers is 6′ 8″ and 281 pounds. Unless there’s a 7 foot tall 300 pound Sasquatch working the door at Club Ice, someone’s wearing the pointy hat of the Asskick Pope today in the 803.

Big Ball O’FAIL. If you’re surprised that a 53 year old radio and television man doesn’t like bloggers and can be out-debated by a Paul Finebaum caller handily, then you also will believe this CELINE DION HAS A HORSECOCK OMG!!!

–Sprained it avoiding the fevered advances of Gary Danielson in musth.

–Tweaked it while throwing golden calf worshipped by UF MBA students into cauldron of fire.

–Overprayer injury from particularly intense church meeting.

–Recurring soreness from a prior, ill-advised public feat of strength.

–Threw it out after three straight years of making furious love to the game of college football, the only kind of sex he has had.

–Sore from kidney donation to child who would be dead otherwise. No great loss, since Tim Tebow has 4 of every organ, and five if we’re talking about testicles.

–Back is actually broken; listed as probable for all 4 quarters vs. Charleston Southern, then good for rest of season.

–He’s actually fine, of course, even if he is expecting mixed communication from the sidelines this season. “Blended” would have been a better choice of words, but they want you make pretty football, son, not properly chosen words.

–Step two of an arms race with Brandon Spikes for title most outrageously masculine Florida player. Spikes will counter by playing with a falcon on his shoulder; Tebow will counter with eyepatch; Spikes will cut own leg off, adopt pegleg, and still finish second in the nation in tackles for loss.

–Its forceful barbs prevent against any unwanted lusty sitting upon, like a park bench with the anti-homeless bar mounted in the middle.

–It shows up whether he shaves or not, just like the robes and two of every animal in the world sitting in his backyard daily.

–It’s not a beard, it’s a cowcatcher mounted on the front of a pain train.

–He’s growing it for a charity to give new beards to sad old prospectors with facial alopecia.

There are other names, but they all suck massively.

Jaba (jeh-ba)“a flower or hibiscus” Or the Hutt. You don’t want a fatty fatty, frog eating rhino on your hands, do you Tampa zoo? Something every thirtysomething or geek will point to and, in their worst Jabba the Hutt imitation say things like “Jabba no botha!” or other things making you want to toss them into the polar bear habitat.

Jahki (jaan-kee) “of the earth” Too close to “jankety,” our favorite Southernism for “sketchy, fucked up, and ill-functioning.” Certainly not the kind of thing you want to curse a young battering ram with, no?

Jama (jeh-ma) “daughter” Daughter. Too sexist. Why not just go with “kama”, meaning “Thing.” IT’S LIKE YOU DON’T EVEN CARE TAMPA ZOO.

Janya (jahn-YAH) “born of the earth” As opposed to “born in the Dippin’ Dots cooler by the monkey exhibit.” Another statement of the obvious equal to “object” or “animal.” As far as naming goes, it’s like voting “present.”

Jaya (JAY-ah) “victory or victorious” Tebow is in fact a synonym for this, and thus renders this redundant.

Tampa Zoo, add “Tebow” to the list or face the ignominy of having the spirit animal of the finest quarterback in the land wailing sad Rhino tears at not having the same name as his master. That noise you hear in the night? Plaintive wailing towards his keeper 130 or so miles to the north in Gainesville.

Something’s been bugging us about any and all commentary surrounding the I-formation in Florida’s playbook, and we have to take a moment to swat it out of the sky like King Kong batting away a hapless biplane.

The I-formation isn’t anything new in the Meyer playbook: it’s been there all along, and was first cracked out at Florida after the 2005 LSU debacle where Chris Leak struggled in the spread, Florida lost despite LSU handing the Gators multiple turnovers, and Urban Meyer cried after the game. (DURRR FAGG KRY!!! There. We said it for you.) Its reintroduction this spring is nothing new for the offense.

It’s not new for Tebow, either: Tebow’s tried taking the ball from under center in previous springs, and encountered the same oddity each time. That oddity? A left-handed qb taking snaps from under center needs someone who can snap the ball left-handed. The angle’s a bit different for both center and qb, and causes a left-handed qb to reset the ball in his hands if the snap’s coming from someone who snaps right-handed.

This is one of those tweaky little football things one would assume is very simple (i.e. Mike Leach’s “I can teach a pro qb to take a three step drop in an hour” thing,) but is actually more difficult than any coach would like it to be. Tebow’s new center this year will be Maurkice Pouncey, who as a new center has quite enough piled onto his learning curve already. Relearning how to snap in the tiny window of practice time available already is likely too much for Meyer to really want to mess with beyond experimentation.

Started every game there last season. Damn you, multiple Pounceys, hole-ridden brain.

(We know as much–don’t seem shocked–via actual football-like sources. Don’t look so shocked. They don’t mind talking to us as long as we’re never seen in public with them, and we pretend we don’t know them in social situations.)

There’s also the matter of fullbacks, h-backs, tight ends, or other people providing the primary block out of the backfield for a tailback. Right now, Florida has no one doing an adequate job out of the backfield for this, meaning the position of the Latsko-back (named for universal football solvent and all-around badass Billy Latsko, who played the position in 2005-6) is empty. Personnel-wise, the I-formation on the depth chart looks less like it’s name, and more like the colon formation: two dots with an empty space in between. (And the results would be appropriately shitty on the field! Hat-CHAAA!!!)

Moreover, steaming along at 40 plus points a game, Florida doesn’t need it. It would allay sub-mongoloid NFL scouts about Tebow’s abilities, but frankly that’s not something a coach should be concerned about if they want to keep their sanity or respect for the rest of humanity. Matthew Stafford is as perfect an NFL prospect as Disco God has every put on this planet: huge, cannon-armed, versed in a drop-back passing offense, and cognitively capable of doing whatever is asked of him re: a playbook. And even he’s getting scrutiny beyond the pale of what might reasonably called sanity.

They’re going to hate him anyway, so you might as well run your offense and let talent and ability win out in the end. The rest will be twirling and prancing to please a critic whose favor you cannot by design win.

That is a beard on our blessed Baby Rhinoceros Tim Tebow, and if you look carefully you can discern the stacks of timbers, tar, and assorted animals of the earth. If he’s going to get really Old Testament with it, he’ll get it cranked down to the adam’s apple for the season and play with it for the whole season. Another acceptable variation is the Kenny Stabler Thigh Pad For Special Ladies.

If you’re wondering whether Lane Kiffin has a spot on the ark or not, the answer is no: there’s only room for two jackasses, and letting on a third would just cause problems.

(This development has stunned BGID Clay Travis. The complete ownership of all that he loves by Tebow is now complete.)

Remember. It’s not gay if it’s with Tebow, who will be back for his senior season. Also: Tebow has to go back to Baton Rouge this season. We wouldn’t miss that for the birth of our first legitimate child, much less anything else.

ALL HAIL MIGHTY CATLAB. Your obeisance is required by penalty of death, but is still appreciated.

(HT: Kevin and William.) This is most likely some giggle-worthy prankdom by Fox staffers, though Samuel Huntington would say that this is actually the Muslim Tebow, and that the two must meet and clash to determine the path of the 21st century because, um…because he said so. Also, if Tebow has been playing offensive line for Cincy and qb for Florida, we know why: his undivided attention would result in a 12 men in the huddle penalty on every play even though there’s only 11 men on the field. It’s just a matter of necessity, really.

Screw your “Heisman.” We shall take the prescription of victory, and it will be enough for all of us, Dr. Tebow included. (HT: Caroline, who rules.)

“I’m going to pray that [Tebow] is true to his faith because if he falls and gets caught up in some kind of scandal it will be bad for Christianity,” Brown said.

“I know the story of David, so we know it’s possible for all of us to fall,” Brown said.

If the Crusades and Worship Jamz haven’t done it by now, it’s not going to happen if Tim Tebow gets caught doing anything remotely un-Christian. What will happen is that people who see this will see you as a hucksterish attention whore who uses our beloved weepy baby-rhino in the most cliched and cheap of manners to drive just one more soul into that church and get their tithes. Oh, and that we need to crack out one of the internet’s Bronze Age Classics, the church sign generator, to do justice to other church signs in the college football universe.

(HT: Sports by Brooks.)