EDSBS » tah-noo-tah http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com Sun, 22 Nov 2009 01:01:52 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.5 hourly 1 OPEN THREAD, PART TWO: BREATH, TAKEN AWAY http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2008/10/11/open-thread-part-two-breath-taken-away/ http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2008/10/11/open-thread-part-two-breath-taken-away/#comments Sat, 11 Oct 2008 20:17:08 +0000 Orson Swindle http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/?p=6973

Hi. You know who I am. This thumb’s for you, Colt McCoy, because you’re a champion who takes my breath away and turns in slow motion away from onrushing defenders bent on crushing you. You took the highway to the danger zone but took the exit toward Victory Lane, and for that I’m buzzing your tower and oiling myself up for a one-on-one volleyball game. You’re invited.

No more playing with the boys, Colt: just you and me, a Colt and a Maverick out in the field doing what animals do. I’m bringing this thumb. Let’s role play: this time, you be Sam Bradford, and I’ll be Brian Orakpo and Sergio Kindle.

This is your open thread for the afternoon. We don’t judge you, whatever you’d like to do with or to Colt McCoy and the rest of the magnificent Texas Longhorns, who played the finest game of the year thus far against the Oklahoma Sooners. Boom. Motherfucker.

]]> http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2008/10/11/open-thread-part-two-breath-taken-away/feed/ 233 SCENE: A NOTRE DAME DEFENSIVE MEETING http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2008/07/10/scene-a-notre-dame-defensive-meeting/ http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2008/07/10/scene-a-notre-dame-defensive-meeting/#comments Thu, 10 Jul 2008 15:28:44 +0000 Orson Swindle http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/?p=5322 Notre Dame Football Offices. Charlie Weis and his staff are busy poring over game tape. Defensive coordinators Corwin Brown and Jon Tenuta sit on either side of Weis at the head of a long wooden table. Weis points and clicks at the screen.

Weis: And this?

Brown: Well, what we’d do is—

Tenuta: TAH-NOO-TAH BLITZ!!!! (Slams fist down on table.)

Weis: Very…um….good. Now, what about if we see something like this…

Brown: Well, I think we’d slant the line toward the weak side and…

Tenuta: BLITZ!!! BLITZ BLITZ BLITZ BLITZ BLITZ HBEEEHAAARRRGGHH!HHHHH!!!! (Punches hole in table, takes bite out of foam and leather from assistant’s chair.)

Weis: And if we see something like this….

Tenuta: GOOFY BLITZ!!!!

Weis: …and this?

Tenuta: 4-6 BLITZ!!! TAH-NOO-TAH SAY GRIZZLY GET (profanity so unspeakable it can’t even appear on this blog) BLITZ HAHAHHAHAHA!!!!

Weis…and this?

Tenuta: GAY BLITZ!!!! TAH-NOO-TAH THUMP THEM WITH HOUSE BEAT AND SUPPLEMENT WAREHOUSE BLITZ!!!

Brown: Hey, I thought we were supposed to share–

Weis: Wait, don’t say that, he’s gonna–

Tenuta runs over and embraces Brown in a bear hug so tight the veins in his head bulge.

Tenuta: TAH-NOO-TAH SHARE HUG WITH BUDDY CORWIN! BLITZ HIM WITH AFFECTION AND PROFESSIONAL RESPECT!!! MMMMMMMMGGGGHHHH!!!!!

Brown: My…insides…

Weis: I think we’re done here. Lunch, boys!

Brown: …I hear popping…noises…Oh god…

Tenuta: HUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!

END SCENE

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