I’ve already had one request this morning for “Tim Tebow Song,” a YouTube music video posted by a couple of enterprising Florida fans and currently spreading like chlamydia, no doubt, through cyberspace. After consulting my What Would Orson Do bracelet, I’ve determined that he would post it, if for no other reason than to torture you all like the filthy beggars you are. Herewith: “Tim Tebow Song.”
God bless bad programming. Without it we would have never had the “double-cross” pick play in Sega’s College Football National Championship, the unstoppable toss-sweep in that game, or Warrick Dunn’s hide-exploding stiffarm in Dreamcast’s NFL 2K. The idea of Dunn stiffarming perfume sales ladies is farfetched. In 2K, however, Dunn could force blast linemen three yards backwards through the air like a shoulder-pad wearing Jedi. “Farfetched” doesn’t cover the first zip code of that territory of the absurd.
A slow news day officially begins when you’ve begun searching YouTube for “NCAA Glitch.” That happened around 3:25 EST, actually. Don’t denigrate that as a waste of time, however: the proper term would be an awesome waste of time, since we found two ghostly glitches recorded by avid researchers of the game.
1. The little-used teleportation button. Would be funnier if the coach came off the sidelines when using vintage Woody Hayes Ohio State teams. But this ain’t bad:
2. Can’t touch this. Also known as the “Tebow” move. We’re not telling you how to do it.
Well, it is Northwestern on defense. It all makes sense now, no?
Aw de bowgame comrawndhea. Owe Miss aintinna bowgame! ORGERAWANNABOWGAME! Bamainnabowgame, Tennseeinnabowgame, evin Kentkainnabowgame! Isa putta rebah innabowgame! Wepla ennawar. Shrepor, Jackvul, Canta, youname! Rebah manah ha agresaysen, butrebah travrewel! Brindamanah! Brindafan! Ow Miss Rebah fillyostadum ritup!
Gicotchogeonachan, or hecommaritroun anstrinyawup!
It’s the greatest thing since Chewbacca’s website. Gigantic accolades to Brian and Trev and the boys for rigging up something that truly defies description.
–In other bayou-ish news: Tulane, fresh from what Tony Barnhardt called a “scandalous” firing of Chris Scelfo, hires retread Bob Toledo as coach. Scelfo was the coach who juggled chainsaws in getting Tulane’s football team through Katrina despite lacking facilities, a field, and proper funding for substitutes. Karma points surely give him a nice bonus on whatever the next roll of life’s 20-sided die brings.
–We missed the inimitable Clay Travis post-game at the SEC championship game, but we hope that’s understandable since the Nutt/Meyer trickfest left us too weak to speak coherently. Clay shares his lessons learned from his season-long swing around the SEC, including this canny observation about the benefits of publicly-subsidized Georgia educations:
. University of Georgia girls have bigger breasts thanks to the Hope Scholarship. With other southern states like Tennessee and South Carolina adopting lottery-funded scholarships, I expect this trend to spread even faster.
Take that, Harvard!
–Adrian Peterson, playing in la Fiesta Bowl. We’re not sure we can really advocate this, since given his long history of freak injuries and bad timing, a smiting at the gun just as AP extends his arm into the endzone for the winning score might be inevitable.
“See, I’ve learned. I made comments in this room before (that were criticized). Watch how mature I am. You’re going to hear a lot of nonsense out of my mouth from here on out. … I’m going to start talking like a lot of these other coaches. … I think we’re going to take it one game at a time. We’re going to play very hard. Ohio State’s got great players. How’s that?”
Sounds like Jim Tressel, actually.
–Speaking of Sir Sweatervest…Buckeye Commentary has graphs of Smith’s landslide of the Heisman award leading up to the voting. The actual voting looked like Haitian election results with Troy Smith playing the part of the well-armed strongman.
–Dem Heizman Boyz: Another reason why living in the South is like awesomeness cubed. Actually, at any point in the Southeast spontaneous, coordinated, and oddly goofy dancing can break out at any point, though never without the participation of at least one black person. The only exception to this is the electric slide; otherwise, white people in large groups, like programmed Sims, just start playing horseshoes happily.
Brian’s got his videos, but we’re partial to this Florida-themed variation we found on Youtube. You know it’s college–check the lamp in the background and the blinds. We know this because we can still smell the odor of a tremendous spider falling to its fiery death against the bulb in a dingy Gainesville apartment.
Stewart Mandel claims Chan Gailey sux. Stewart Mandel gets screwed by the broken clock rule stating that even a mediocre coach can succeed by not firing his defensive coordinator, recruiting decently, and installing an irritable wee man at quarterback. Stewart writes:
“(he’s) still not convinced (Gailey) won’t find a way to screw it up, but if Tech wins its division, he’s off the list and a round of hot dogs are on me.”
On Saturday, Stewart’s buying hot dogs at the Varsity. He really could just wait and double down, going for the onion ring and frosted orange combo for everyone in ‘07 that Gailey will go 3-9 next year. Everyone knows that over time, Chan Gailey Equilibrium will win out.
Nonetheless, kudos and plaudits on being a man of your word, Stewart, in more than one way.
First you nut up to your bet, which we’ll make sure you do by being there on Saturday Friday ourselves. (HT: The 5.0 Guy)
Second, you identify yourself as being 30 on MySpace. This could mean two things:
1. You’re actually thirty, or…
2. Using MySpace mathematics, you’re really 90 years old cruising for ladies in their seventies who haven’t drained the 401-Ks yet and gotten into the catfood-eating stage of retirement. Either way, bravo on the integrity scale.
Mandel: has integrity, and potentially a thing for Bea Arthur types, too. This, btw, is not the Mustache of the Day.
We’ll beat you to the punch: we’re totally looking past FSU this weekend and on to Arkansas in the SEC Championship Game. And it’s not just because we’re jacked about seeing the DickBone offense Gus Malzahn’s put together, either.
It’s mostly because of this man, who probably already has a standing offer at the Clairmont Lounge based on his moves in this video. Again, no screen licking, please.
EDSBS Store Live it. Love it. Wear it until it's ripped from your body by envious hordes of tailgaters.
Locker Room
About us
Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
Contact
Comments? Questions? Long strings of profanities directed at something we said? Please send your comments to harumphharumph -a- yahoo -dot- com. Please direct all tailgating photos and stories to edsbsfans -a- gmail -dot- com.
Loading ...
