GENNAHMEN!
AYE HAFFA BROUGHT YAHERE FUHDAGREATAH GOODAH DA YOUKNEEVERSITAH AH TENNAHSEE!!!
YOU, ALAN CROOMTERMAIN, ANNA YOUR POWERS AH TRAY-SHAH SEEKIN’!!!
ANNA YOU, DADDY KIFFAH-KINS, WIFFA YO MAGNIFAHCENT MOUNTAINHEADANNA COVERTWOPOWAHS!!!
ANNAH LANCE-A-THOMPSON, MASTAH RAKROOTAH ANNAFINEPURVEYOR OFFA DA PELTZ!!! NOWWA COMMININNAFROMMA DAALABAMMAH!!! DA MONEY, SHE AHTALKINN, OHSHE PRAKTICALEEAHSANGIN’!!!
KIFFYKINNZ!!! GETTAHME THEBEEFFAJERKEE ANNAREDBULLAH VICTREE!!!
Lane Kiffn: Yessir.
From reader Crews:
Header: IS IT POSSIBLE…
EMAIL BODY: …that the ram is controlling HIM?
We sense a running gag coming on here. From the Bastrop Enterprise, who reports that Randle is considering LSU, MiAAAHHHHmi, OklahomAAAHHHHH, and AlaBAAHHHHma, and Ole Miss.
Florida is recruiting a 6′ 4″, 240 lb. quarterback out of Fort Pierce, Florida. He’s very excited about his first visit to Florida.
That’s Virgin…Isaac Virgin. Florida’s staff promises to be gentle, son. All bets are off once you get to Alpha Room and the Judgment of the Masked Men, though. (HT: DW.)
Urban Meyer has ways of testing his recruits. Sometimes, he tells them that they’re being recruited as linebackers just for funzies. Other times, he tells them that they’ll play this position called “running back, which has not in fact ever existed at the University of Florida in his tenure. And sometimes, just to test their mettle, he punches them in the chest the first time he meets them.
“He’s kind of rough,” Reid said with a laugh. “He’s not the type of coach to shake your hand. He just comes up and punches you in the chest. And that man is pretty strong.”
The fact that Reid is even talking is strong evidence he’ll get a scholarship. Some recruits don’t survive the first test, or even the second (The Flinging of the Nettles and Broken Glass), or dare we say, the unholy third (The Marriage of the Bear and the Tear Gas.) And that’s all before you arrive in Alpha Room for summary judgment by the Masked Eight and the Chubby Man.
You may think you know fear. You have not been to Alpha Room. HT: Barstoolio.
Total number of verbals for Washington thus far for 2009? Hint: it’s the same number as the total number of successful accountants who are also flesh-eating lycanthropes!!!! Wait, we know one of those. Howard Felber. Great dude. We’ll just cut to the chase and use the scientific notation: 3.429 X 10 to the power of exactly jack and shit.
By comparison, Miami, the program Washington upended in historical fashion on two occasions in the past fifteen years, has nine verbals. Not to worry, Husky fans: rival Arkansas State doesn’t have any as of yet, either. So you’ve got that going for you. [/spackler'd]
(HT: Bill.)
Sometimes, we get our hands on classified documents. They reveal much of the inner workings of college football, and this is no exception. Please see the attached document below on one program’s struggle with attempting to do “gay” recruiting.
Take the disco ball out of the locker room, please.MEMO: TO ALL FOOTBALL STAFF
FROM: [name deleted to protect sources)
I know we all thought it was cutting-edge, people. But we won’t ever assume a recruit is gay ever again, and we will never take the “gay approach” during a recruiting visit ever again. In review, it was not worth the risk of being wrong.
That did NOT go well. (more…)
Today’s real recruiting letter unveiled: Oklahoma State. Among the most innovative in terms of fundraising schemes, Oklahoma State has also pushed the envelope in terms of their recruiting techniques. Their eye for reinventing even the most basic of college football’s tired routines. The latest round of scholarship offer letters? No words needed, amigo.
LSUFreek, as always.
This year’s supermodel opts for the Buckeyes: Terrelle Pryor chooses tOSU over Michigan and Penn State.
We’re sure everyone will take this in a mature and reasonable fashion on both sides. Pryor said the things he was looking forward to most were the friendships he could make in college, the outstanding community in Columbus, and losing the national title game in two years to an SEC team who blows them out of the building sometime in the middle of the third quarter.
Guys named Bowden cutting players may run in the family:
After FSU played in the Music City Bowl in December Geoff returned to Tallahassee and mentally prepared to endure the physically grueling spring workouts, which include mat drills and a strict weight room regimen, as well as his final semester as an undergraduate student. After the first day of mat drills he was called up to Coach Bobby Bowden’s office for a meeting with him. Coach Bowden explained that he was “surprised to see Geoff” at the 5 am mat drill because he was “under the impression that he was not to returning for his fifth year”, information he received from Trickett. After beating around the bush and looking like a fool who has know idea about decisions that are made for his own football team, he finally told Geoff that due to a “number crunch” he would not be receiving his fifth year of scholarship eligibility.
Nick Saban, another oversigner of recruits, has two medical hardships pending for the Crimson Tide this spring. Both appear to be on the level.
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