Terrelle Pryor to finally announce his intentions today at a noon press conference. We predict he will delay his decision until after his successful CFL/NFL career, thus forcing Michigan, Ohio State, and Penn State fans to wait another 12 years for his announcement. Pryor’s high school coach says Michigan has “closed the gap” over the past few weeks, giving Michigan fans a gentle but pleasant rub of the jumblies before the inevitable, mandatory jumbly-punch.

Your waiting music in the meantime: The Kinks.

June Jones, pay up motherfucker. Hawaii’s attempting to pull a DickRod on June Jones, suggesting Jones missed the window on paying exactly $400,008 dollars he allegedly owes Hawaii for his departure. But what if he paid them $400,000 dollars and mailed them the rest in pennies. Dude, that would so totally burn them. We’ll get the penny rolls. This is gonna be awesome.

Sizist! New Syracuse offensive coordinator says he “will not play fat people.” (Nicole Kidman has that same rule, along with a refusal to play anyone whose forehead has to move.) Article includes pics of fat lineman in glorious people’s orange uniforms. Pork Chop Womack almost read this whole article before having to swat one of his moons out of the way to finish it.

Nebraska pound ball more. Happy with pound ball more in 2008.

Yes, Penn State is on the board again. More on that in a bit.

Give ESPN credit when they earn it: Their story on the Mud City Muck Rabbit Chasers was beyond evocative.

Even with the Bowden talking thing, it’s beautiful, haunting work. They make nothing up, either: the Glades Central/Pahokee/Muck City area is rural desolation within shooting distance of Miami, a bizarre blank on the map in the middle of urban subtropical Florida rich only in mosquitoes, football recruits, and sugarcane. Drive through it once and you’ll buy every word of the story.

Terrelle Pryor: DO YOU WANT TO FOIGHT? Brian beat us to the Terrelle Pryor/Russell Crowe comparisions, but Terrelle Pryor’s tendency to fight at basketball games makes us very, very nervous. Should Pryor not end up playing for the Buckeyes, his inevitable foray into the crowd at the ‘Shoe could have Shaun of the Dead-esque results. (Warning! Zombie gore!)

Is Tommy Bowden a flaming asshole? If Ray Ray McElrathbey lived by the terms of his scholarship, took care of his little brother after getting special permission from the NCAA to take donations to help him take care of his little brother, and still got cut–ahem, “did not get his scholarship renewed,” then Tommy Bowden is indeed a flaming asshole reeking of musty rancid taco-shit and evil.

We know, we know. Nebraska, football, and sexual assault. It’s coming up in the Fulmer Cupdate later this a.m. In the meantime: it’s the 90s all over again! Gimme my glowsticks, ginseng tea, and Douglas Coupland books!

Joe Kines, finding his bliss. From reader Capstone Alum, this picture of former Alabama and current Texas A&M defensive coordinator Joe Kines, whom Capstone says jogged by his apartment each morning and never failed to say “hi.” This must be incorrect: Joe Kines never failed to say “HAAAIIIIIIIGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!” in a voice that likely forced the tenants to put plastic sheeting in their windows in lieu of the shattered windows.

Sadly, it’s not an inside trout–though ironically, it is a largemouth bass.

Terrelle Pryor is still thinking about schools, beating all your asses. Terrelle Pryor still has no idea when he’s going to make up his mind. You can do this when you’re phenomenally physically talented. You can also threaten to go into the crowd at a basketball game when you take particular issue with the taunts, but remember, Terelle: you can only take the crowd so long as they’re rushing away from you. When they surge back, it’s trouble time.

Take a cue from the Memphis Tigers: keep the pimp hand strong, and take on fans with a disdainful but stylish slap.

Whoop that trick!

John Adams–the Tennessee columnist, and not the second president of our country, we assume, unless he was a vampire and has been living off the blood of the innocent all these years–comes out and makes the “time to go” column for Phil Fulmer. This prompts Losers With Socks to play Buffy, go down the hellmouth, and put a stake through Adams, who as they pointed out graduated from Louisiana State University, and must therefore after thirty years as a sleeper cell in the heart of Vol country has gone active in attempting to overturn the Fulmer regime. Spies, everywhere! Spies, I tell you!

Everett Withers, Minnesota DC, is leaving Tim Brewster’s new operation to join North Carolina, a move way, way up in the football world considering Withers spent last season weeping drops of pure sorrow watching Minnesota’s defense get annihilated. Now he moves on to Butch Davis’ rebuild of North Carolina, a team piling up talent and toys to play with a-plenty. Assume Withers, in a past life, was killed randomly by a meteorite or something; only karma can explain the lucky strike.

Bomar’d redux: BCS Frenzy says they’re going to review the entire 2004 Rivals top 100, and we wish them luck with that. The thing reminding you to remind yourself that recruiting is one very large, overhyped back-alley craps game? Rhett Bomar.

Don’t do drugs, kids. Because one day you’ll be sitting in an apartment with newspaper and tinfoil on the walls, zonked out of your mind and watching Immortal Beloved, and there will be the scene where Beethoven’s dad flips out and begins beating the daylights out of him, and like all people doing drugs you’ll have music on over the movie, and you’ll forever associate the song with the image of a guy whipping a kid’s ass like a riot cop pouncing on a legless WTO protester.

Your reminiscence of “Gainesville, 1996″ is brought to you by a forgotten band of the forgettable decade: Skunk Anansie, and their really frightening lead singer.

Sign on the line son. An X will do. Today is National Signing day. Uncle Sam wants you to come play football for my university, son. Or to make antimatter. We’re not really sure anymore, especially with the requisite slew of rumors, innuendo, and outright accusation of player purchase flying around today.

Dude! Pryor can make antimatter!

Terrelle Pryor, being you on most any other day of your life for the next fifteen years or so wouldn’t be so bad, but right now you have to have your head in a whole world of shit with Ohio State meatheads and paranoid geek Michigan fans all trying to find ways to crawl like Ceti eels into your brain and convince you to come to their schools. Pryor may not even commit today, and if you know, he’s like reading EDSBS for advice, we’d tell him frankly to go elsewhere for advice, man. We majored in English. (We say that like Tracey Jordan says “I sign my name with an X! I voted for Nader. Nader!)

Join us tonight for EDSBS Live: 7:00 p.m. We’ll have Andy Staples of CNNSI.com and a few other guests to discuss the day’s haul for your team and the national picture as a whole, and also to remind everyone that betting on the prospective maturing talents of 18 year olds is a lot like betting on Russian cockroach racing.

Darrell Scott’s allegedly getting an extremely muscular late push from Colorado. The Ventura, CA running back is down to Texas or Colorado, and is one of the biggest chips left on the board in terms of unsecured recruits of the star-heavy type.

Two bits from Mike Farrell’s column at Rivals: One, Julio Jones will commit to Bama, a story the Gainesville Sun will report as “Julio Jones runs Burmese Resistance Movement and Methamphetamine/handgun ring out of basement, will announce commitment to University of Xenu and major in mindfreakery!”

Two, that Tennessee needs a huge day: ranked #39 overall and still fighting for glossy recruits on signing day has become a more common occurrence on signing day than Vol fans would really like. Not that we’re snickering yes we’re snickering.

The Sporting News liveblog for Signing day will be up and running here.

Burnt Orange Nation and In The Bleachers both have liveblogs running today, too. Brian’s is here; Peter’s is here. Between the two you should get a nice picture of the national scene, as well as plenty of healthy hysteria and fear when someone flips at the last second, hedges for an instant, or decides to go on a mission to the Congo to save souls instead of doing what God really wants them to do: hit people with their huge bodies on a football field.

Finally, it’s a political advertisement we can endorse with all of our metal loving heart. MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTT RAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHMNAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!