I’ve known señor Swindle since around 1992. I like the guy. Really, I do. But sometimes he needs a little tweaking now and again. On that score, we bring you Orson’s least favorite cheesecake option of all time to celebrate the end of the offseason when we desperately need the weekly distractions. Without further ado, EDSBS’s Friday Cheesecake is the distinctly non-latin, silicon-filled, college football lovin’, Bobby Bowden worshiping Jen Sterger.

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The road to hell has a driver named Gene Chizik on it. We mean, it actually doesn’t, since Chizik says he “has faith in his life,” and hasn’t killed anyone besides Joel Klatt (and even then he told other guys to do it.) Again, Buffalo fans, just don’t watch.

He needs a priest! If only he played for Iowa State, whose attempt to pay for a chaplain to counsel and advise the team has Iowa State administrators fretting over church/state separation, has the ISU Athletic Director on the butt end of a petition from a whopping seven percent of the student body, and has quarterback Bret Meyer telling those concerned about the whole thing to kiss his ass, albeit only in a Christlike way:

‘‘To me, if it’s not going to involve you — the professor making the petition — just mind your own business,’’ Meyer said. ‘‘We’re not hurting you, we’re not bothering you, (so) just leave us alone. It’s unfortunate that they’re trying to make a big deal out of it.

For the record, the chaplain would be paid for out of private funds from the ISU booster club, which means no state funding would be involved in the chaplain’s salary. We at EDSBS only have the following editorial points we would like to offer in response to the story:

–If a chaplain is given an official paid position, then in order to be fair an imam, rabbi, Scientologist with e-Meter and clipboard, priest, Wiccan lesbian priestess with a Dead Can Dance t-shirt, Zen monk, Zoroastrian priest/fire technician, Mormon-type clergyman, Inuit shaman, and Aztec war cleric need to be hired, as well.

–If Iowa State does it, every other single team needs to do it, as well.

–Dibs on Mola Ram, Thuggee cult leader for UF!

–And finally, once this is accomplished, we abolish the Kansas City Tiebreaker and instead substitute a clergy fight at the fifty won by knockout or submission hold. Our money’s on Mola Ram.

(HT:Dave.)

Mola Ram, official cleric of the 2009 National Championship Florida Gators.