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ALL CAPS EXCITEMENT IN ALL DIRECTIONS AT 9 PM EST!!! FUCK DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME!

Baby Can I B The Worm In Ya Apple Butt?
Now Gon Back It up, And If U Back it Up
I’ll Suck The Front Of Dat Pussy From Da Back Of Ya
And Imma Urban Legend Like A Black Acura

That’s our favorite Lil Wayne line ever, though “Smoke weed and talk shit like Lane Kiffin” is now up there. (Scroll to the 1:10 mark or so.)

Kiffin got wind of this, and thanked Lieutenant Vagina Beast on his Twitter feed. (more…)

Penn State is having their “PSU Fan Rap Contest,” meaning they want Penn State fans and students to submit their own original compositions honoring Nittany Lion football. If you’ve watched Snowman’s video embedded above, you know that the contest is a foregone conclusion. (Hot finger snappin’ death: he’s got enough to go ’round, h8ers. SNAP. DIE.)

The best two aren’t actually bad. There’s Kake, who tells you he’s a rapper by drinking grape soda on camera, and Intrepid, who has the best balance of being task-focused (raps about PSU and gets the theme) and says of Joe Paterno: “dude’s been in more bowls than a spoon,” which is a cocktail-worthy line in any work. Neither of them snap semi-rhythmically, though, and that’s what’s gonna cost them in the end.

No one has taken advantage of the obvious “Zombie” sample, yet, but we encourage those who would like to do this to go ahead and do it. If you dress up as Joe Paterno and eat people dressed up as Jim Tressel and Patrick Fitzgerald, we’ll throw the full weight of our voting bloc behind your submission. Doubt the electoral power of Mingovia at your own risk, auslander.

(HT: BSD)

You…you’re probably not high enough to watch this video. Too bad, because we now imagine this playing in Lane Kiffin’s head on a perpetual loop as he totes his huge, white, cartoon-paneled head through the bowels of Neyland Stadium.

He likes to coach. Teh futbawl.

We ’bout that ‘tuss.

Purple drank is a bit of an obsession around here. We’re unsure why: drank has a charisma all its own, a make-do charm based in the need to not just get drunk, but to get excessively drunk on the cheap. Nay: to get excellently drunk, since it is the drink of champions like Mike Jones and 3-6 Mafia, who proudly advertises that they “drink that Tuss.”

For those unfamiliar with the concept of purple drank, a.k.a. “lean,” “sizzurp,” or “you’re drinking adulterated cough syrup because you find the concept of slumming it quaintly entertaining,” Wikipedia contains all a human being could possibly want to know about that purp, though we excerpt two pieces in particular. No connection between the two. We swear. (more…)

What’s coming in the mail to slow our roll this week, courtesy of the good people at Drank? Oh, you clever devils, you, you guessed correctly.

In the mail. The street legal kind, of course.

Consider our roll slowed, lawya.