EDSBS » playa from the himalaya

March 13, 2008

ONE PERSON WHO DOESN’T NEED ORANGE PAINT

Good to see that Jenn Sterger’s still getting work. Well, we don’t actually care if she’s employed or not anyway, but for the good fo the faltering economy we’re happy to see one less person on the streets. Seriously we’re just trying to get to a 35 Seconds plug here. Yup. Any second now. Without saying anything too bad about poor Jenn…

SHE BLENDS IN BECAUSE WITH HER FOUNDATION SHE’S ALREADY ORANGE!!!

Faux-queen remark typed and therefore expelled, we may now move on to two things. One, despite coaching for Tennessee, Bruce Pearl rules. (”There’s a difference between Pat and I. She has talent, and I have no shame.”) Two, Patrick’s doing fine work over at 35 Seconds, and you should read it if you’re into bas-ket-ball. We’ll be really into it in a few minutes, since we’re heading down to the SEC tournament at the Dome shortly.

Filed under: Not strictly college football, but funny, person-like people, playa from the himalaya, snubbin' by Orson Swindle

[ 33 Replies ]

December 17, 2007

A BAR SCENE, PART TWO

See this if you want to make any sense out of what follows.

New Michigan Athletics Consultant: The Bishop Don Magic Juan

Rich Rodriguez sips at his drink and looks around the bar.

Bartender: Another, ma’am?

RR: Yeah, make it another Jack and Coke.

Bartender: If it’s on his tab, it’s gotta be well brand. Sorry, but that’s what he said.

West Virginia’s in the corner playing darts and yelling out WOOOOOOOOOOOOO! for no particular reason, and not paying attention to RR, who’s wearing a low cut top and tight blue jeans.

RR: It’s like he doesn’t even love me sometimes.

Bartender: What?

RR: Well’s fine, man. Just pour it.

Bill Martin, Michigan Athletic director, walks into the bar. He is wearing his customary captain’s hat, but has eschewed his old suit and tie for a frilly blue shirt, skin-tight yellow pants, and a full-length chinchilla coat that extends to the floor. At his side is a woman dressed in a matching chinchilla coat, hot pants, and a Foxy Brown top.

Bartender: What the fuck is that?

The bar stops, and the sound of a needle being dragged across a record is audible in the background

Bill Martin: What is up, you…um…

Martin: You trick bitches and skank duffel bag boys. Bow…(swallows)…to a pimp!

The bar goes silent. Bouncers flex quietly and crack their knuckles.

Mary Sue Coleman, Michigan President, leans into Martin’s ear and whispers.

MSC: sotto voce Try to sound less mincing when you say that. Use the pimp juice, Bill!

Martin: Right-o. BOW….TO A PIMP!!!

He fumbles in his pockets and pulls out fistfuls of money.

MSC: Bill, you have to throw it in the air. It’s called “making it rain.” (more…)

Filed under: Big 10 Conference, Big East Conference, Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football, playa from the himalaya, playa gotta have hats by Orson Swindle

[ 38 Replies ]

July 13, 2007

ONE MORE THING: BUY STOCK IN STEELE.

EDSBS Live. Tuesday. 7:30 p.m.

Phil. Steele.

Note: buy Phil new t-shirt.

You are not ready.

Filed under: playa from the himalaya, si si si!, toot toot beep beep, woo! by Orson Swindle

[ 31 Replies ]

June 26, 2007

MALCOLM KELLY, FREESTYLE GENIUS

As a breather from accusing the New York Yankees of being marginal partners in genocide, we bring you Malcolm Kelly, Oklahoma wide receiver, goin’ freestyle after the Sooners’ Big 12 Championship win over Nebraska.

We’d talk some more, but we gotta sip some codeine ’cause we gotta kill a cough. (Purple Drank, lawya. Nothin’ less.) Take the mic, Malcolm.

Let us say that Kelly’s not bad–he’s got that rubber-mouthed Dirty South, UGK thing going for him in the rhymes department. And it’s hard not to like the “‘Coz I’m a playa, from the Himalaya” line, especially because he might be insinuating that his true identity is that of the Yeti, which is VHT, indeed.

Too bad dope rhymez don’t get you past Boise State. BURRRRRRRN SSSSSS!!! He could blame too much purple drank, however; it worked for DJ Screw, after all.

Filed under: Big 12 Conference, Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football, bizarro superman says you're welcome, playa from the himalaya by Orson Swindle

[ 19 Replies ]