We rarely pre-empt the Curious Index. Today, there is a reason. Read on, because Holly found something majestic.
Raise ya glasses, shake ya asses, Vol Nation: For unto us is given this day that greatest of football blogosphere treasures—a Catlab masterpiece of our very own. It’s like staring into the sun, but it’ll get you drunk. Behold:
Have you ever seen anything ring so true? I’m about 85% sure the guy holding the pennant is my cousin Maxie. Had this wondrous creation hatched just a scant few days earlier, we would’ve been hard-pressed not to scrap the Tennessee list entirely—because this is, perfectly encapsulated, what Orange And White People Like.
Subcommandante Wayne, the Ohio State fan who defaces this blog every week until Jan. 8th with a can of scarlet spray paint and his inimitable diction, arrives late for his guest column today, which will be his breakdown of the Holiday Bowl. As always: um, enjoy?
Name: The Holiday Bowl, which sounds totally gay to the Subcommandante. Especially after his own holiday to Vegas last week ended up soooo busted-up and shitty. Holiday, my ass. You try finding a legal hooker in East St. Louis. It’s like they don’t even know prostitution is legal, man.
Subcommandante Wayne says that East St. Louis is not worthy of his rockedness.
Motto: The Pacific Life Holiday Bowl: suck my ass, world! That’s not the motto of the bowl, man, but it should be, since I’m telling the whole world to do that this week in any way I can. Case in point: last night with my mom.
Scene: the kitchen.
Mom: “Wayne, when are you going to get the Grand Am fixed?”
Me: “Soon, Mom, gaaaaaww. I’m all tapped out from getting it towed from St. Louis.”
Mom: “You could get a job and stop playing that craft game you’re always talking about.”
In the interest of fairness, we’re turning over the site to a lucky Buckeye fan every Thursday until the national championship game. Subcommandante Wayne is here to…well, tell you anything he likes. We only reserve the right to spell check–everything else is straight outta Franklin County, Ohio.
Umm…enjoy?–O.
WASSUP BIOTCHEZZ!!! Subcommandante Wayne is back on the mic. Look at me in my tuff ski mask with my massive assraping amplifiers, you gay gay Gaytors and other shitbag non-Buckeyes!!! Orson is so the dumz0rz for letting me do this.
You want this but can’t have it. Suck it! Go Buckeyes!
Sorry to duck out for so long but it’s already been a shit-sandwich morning for the Subcommandante. First, it took a little while for the Grand Am to heat up. Then Mom’s bitching the whole time about how the ice is making it hard for her to get traction with the cane. Maybe if the bitch didn’t weigh 350 pounds that wouldn’t be a problem LOL!!!! Then the traffic on the way to the County Permits office where Mom works was a total whore’s whore.
So I’m all pent up, right? ‘Cause Mom’s bitching, and the car’s all cold and she’s listening to Star 95 in the morning when we should be listening to Skunk 105–those dudes are fucking funny, especially when they interview that homeless guy and make fun of him. Plus they play Saliva and Nickelback, and you haven’t lived until you’ve opened up the Grand Am to BOOM! (more…)
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Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
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Comments? Questions? Long strings of profanities directed at something we said? Please send your comments to harumphharumph -a- yahoo -dot- com. Please direct all tailgating photos and stories to edsbsfans -a- gmail -dot- com.
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