Appropriate choice for the day: today’s Mustache of the Day goes to John J. Pershing.

Happy Mustache Wednesday, men.

Sports Meme Power Rankings are up over at SBN, including pictures of the Chupacabra. Go behold its horror.

Today’s Mustache of the Day: Clay Zavada of the Arizona Diamondbacks and his award winning cunnilingus-bumper.

HAPPY MUSTACHE WEDNESDAY MOTHERFUCKERS!!! (HT: Chris.)

Due to overwhelming reader requests, we have no choice for our Mustache of the Day. Josh Hull of Penn State, you truly are the people’s choice. (Click to embiggen.)

HAPPY MUSTACHE WEDNESDAY, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!

R.I.P, Cap’n Lou. We’ll always remember you from the glory days of wrestling, but your work as Mario suits our purposes a bit more precisely for Wednesdays.

Sad Mustache Wednesday, motherfuckers. Captain Lou Albano, seen here as Mario, is dead.

Lou got money, but you shouldn’t be surprised. Men with mustaches rake it in at a rate higher than lesser, non-mustachioed men.

Good morning, sugartits. Your Mustache of the Day today: Mel Gibson.

Happy Mustache Wednesday, motherfuckers! Except for the Jews, of course.

Your mustache of the day? Landry Jones, of course. Ahem:

Devil without a cause
And Im back with the beaver hats
And Ben Davis slacks
30 packs of Strohs
30 pack of hoes

If there were going to be a quarterback in the United States who should by right take the field with a mike while screaming “MY NAME IS KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID” before launching into a triumphant, stomping version of “Bawitdaba,” it is Landry Jones. Happy Mustache Wednesday, motherfuckers!

Meet Ambrose Everett Burnside: Union Army general, inventor of sideburns (seriously), and possessor of one fine and fluffsome ’stache for the ages.

Happy Mustache Wednesday, motherfuckers!

Someone always, just always has to be different, don’t you?

Happy Mustache Wednesday, motherfuckers!

(HT: Awkward Family Photos.)

Your mustache of the day is: Taylor Potts, Texas Tech.

Happy Mustache Wednesday, motherfuckers!

(HT: Chris.)

If the good Doctor is going to post the regular, unedited Coltstache, we can’t simply do the same.

He does occasionally look like he should be yelling out “STEEEEEMPY!!! YOU IDIOT!” and this is an undeniable universal truth of the cosmos.