Mingovia! Sing with us the anthem this morning to celebrate our good fortune to have triumphed in the Name of the Year contest! RAISE YOUR SCYTHES AND BELLOW FORTH THY AFFECTION AND LOYALTY!!!

Mingovia the Great! Mingovia the Good!

Our love-shall–nehh-vaaaaaar—-FAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIL!!!!!

On behalf of the Steampunk Emperor, we thank you for your support of Mingovia. Now go forth on Charity Day–Lord Mingo proclaims a feast, with a roasted ostrich in every square and fountains of mead all around. Also, public sex and the killing of one–THAT’S JUST ONE, PEOPLE–servant for sport shall be tolerated until curfew at 6 p.m. today. GET TO IT MINGOVIANS.

YES HE CAN! YES HE CAN! YES HE CAN!

Real life has been a bit whirlwindish today, so we apologize and give you all refunds on the day by reminding you of the greatness and cheated heart of Dennis Dixon, the Oregon qb who probably should have finished second in the 2007 Heisman to Tim Tebow. (He placed fourth.) Dixon played brilliantly in ‘07, throwing for 20 TDs, 4 INTs with 2136 yards and a 67.7% completion rate while rushing for 583 yards and 9 TDs in nine games and change before he partially tore his ACL, decided to play on it anyway, and suffered a season-ending injury against Arizona during a Thursday night upset that effectively ended their season. (Proving once again: NOTHING GOOD HAPPENS TO FAVORITES ON THURSDAY NIGHT, Swindle’s Rule #19 For Dirty College Football Living That Feels So, So Clean.)

He’s now taking a paycheck from the Steelers, but even in the lap of pro luxury it’s worth saying to Dennis Dixon: the ACL gremlins screwed you and screwed you grande style, due. Also, to Michigan fans traumatized by the sight of the early loss to Oregon and the embarrassing Statue of Liberty keeper: you got your revenge and then some on us later that year. Now stop voting for Macadangdang, and embrace your Steampunk Emperor who loves you and wants you to be happy!

(Also, Hayes and I discuss the hastiest of preseason top tens over at TSB.)

Tshaba tsotsi MINGO!!! Tshaba Tsotsi MINGOOOOO!!! Even the children of Africa sing his name spontaneously without provocation or payment, so benevolent and awesome is our Steampunk Emperor. Let the voting continue, and though she be a fair opponent, the infidels of Macadangdangistan will know both our steel, and our forgiveness, too. The glove of MINGO is truly the velvet covering the iron steel of his people.

MINGOVIANS, UNITE!!!

Excellent use of the caption function. We will never, ever tire of watching Eric Berry hit someone sideways–though if this video does remind us of anything, it’s that Jahvid Best hydrates himself very well prior to kickoff, and stays well-hydrated throughout the game unless you knock the Gatorade out of his stomach.

They will also have you spend long hours looking for someone, anyone, to tell you where the door hinges are. Though this is exclusively specious rumor at this point: Home Depot wants to shake up the lineup on the best pregame show on ESPN, replacing the incomparable Chris Fowler, a man who clearly adores college football, with Karl Ravech, and replacing Lee Corso with Lou Holth because they want to get…younger in that department? Need more random HItler references live on-air? This makes no sense, which either makes it total bullshit offseason wall-spackle, or the actual plan minus the detail that Kirk Herbstreit will do the entire show wearing only an orange apron and a fine coat of posing oil.

The man, the myth, the combover. Smart Football leans firmly and convincingly on the notion of Hal Mumme being the most influential coach of the past two decades. Madness, you say? He overstates the case for effect we think, but give Mumme his due: he’s equal part retard and genius, someone unafraid to revolutionize an offense while benching his SEC-leading passer in favor of a glorified offensive lineman fond of snack foods and interceptions.

Intensity. Fightin’. Likin’ it. Illinois had a couple of scuffles in practice. The good news? Teams that fight in practice tend to be good teams for some reason (see the best Miami teams, for example.) The bad news? [NAME REDACTED] got so stimulated from the experience that he fought his way through a whole frat house with a single waterski after practice. You’re likin it. Don’t lie.

You can’t blame them. Seven Syracuse football players have left the team since Doug Marrone took over at Syracuse. Current data suggests no conclusive results, as absolute zero minus seven is still absolute zero.

CITIZENS: A reminder that the powerful MGObloc has settled behind Iris Macadangdang, and threatens all that Mingovia stands for. Plus, she’s a Republican who belongs to Amnesty International. Republican readers: she belongs to Amnesty International! BOOOOOOO. Democrat readers: she writes dictators letters suggesting more efficient ways to torture prisoners! Libertarians: she opposes your right to smoke weed and masturbate with expensive assault rifles!

In all directions she’s clearly a danger to all you believe. VOTE MINGO and keep America awesome.

The very gates of Vienna are ahead of us, ripe for the taking! Let us show the Ottoman the proper way to storm a city; lend me thy steel, and stand for Mingovia and all she stands for in our final contest against Iris Macadangdang, the Filipina temptress brought to test Mingo’s resolve and well-known weakness for Adobo-scented females! Oh, they picked their bullets well, but the ordnance that can pierce the hide of a determined Mingovia has yet to be devised.

Vote here. No link reloading. (COUGH COUGH Tennessee COUGH.) Mingo needs no cheating to win…only the love of his devoted charges as manifested in clicks of the bubble next to his exalted name.

THE STEAMPUNK EMPEROR WILL TRIUMPH. Mark these words. He will prevail, and then tour his newly conquered lands tossing the finest fruits and breads from his dirigible palacefort.

The voting for the Final Four has begun–vote, Mingovians, and support your Steampunk Emperor on his way to NOTY glory. Two more victories and we shall join the pantheon including Assumption Bulltron and God Shammgod!

Once more into the breach, for Mingovia is under attack! Vote early, vote often, and stave off the ravages of Crystal Metheny, who deserves neither your pity nor your vote! GO MINGOVIANS! THE WALLS OF OUR FAIR KINGDOM SHAKE WITH THE BRAVE SACRIFICES OF YOUR PRODUCTIVE TIME!!!

Your Steampunk Emperor needs your steel to fight another perilous battle against our common foes in the NOTY bracket. This time, the heinous CRYSTAL METHENY is attempting to place her jittery, filthy hands upon the fine lapels of our greatcoat. Who knows where those hands have been: strangling a bus driver for spare change, caressing the scabby flesh of one of her fellow laudanum fiends…EMBRACING A SPANIARD, EVEN? Keep our epaulets clean, and cast a vote for BARKEVIOUS MINGO, a.k.a. SHIFT-ALT-DELICIOUS, a.k.a. THE BARON OF RENT-TO-OWN, a.k.a. BILLY OCEAN!!!

Go now, and be spared the wrath of our scourging dirigible-palaces and their hail of man-killing incendiary shrapnel-eggs! GO FORTH AND VOTE FOR MINGO, AND FOR ALL OF MINGOVIA!