Off-topic, but not far: The Arizona student paper has an arrest report in it that puts any Fulmer Cup contestant to shame. Some choice excerpts:

When police arrived, they saw a stopped, running car at a green light, facing eastbound on Speedway.When the officer approached the car, he saw the woman was asleep, with her dress pulled up to her stomach and her underwear pulled down to her mid-thighs.

[...]

Upon opening the door, he saw a three-quarters-empty bottle of Sailor Jerry Navy Rum on the floorboard of the passenger side.

[...]

After about two minutes of trying to wake her up, she awoke, saying, “No, Clint, not right now.”

Innumerable thanks to EDSBS lead counsel Ragin’ Cajun Rebel for passing this along.

IN A WORLD where Mike Stoops is not good at football….

[Snow Patrol's "Open Your Eyes" swells in the background]

(….which, let’s face it, could be anywhere…)

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#4 Florida @ Tennessee

HOLLY, QUASI-RATIONAL: As I write this, the line is sitting pretty at 7.5. Pass the salt! Which Tennessee team has Vegas been watching? The one that thinks it’s a swell idea to keep an outmatched Jonathan Crompton winging passes, or the one that couldn’t get to 40 against UAB with a bye week to prepare? That offense is going all kinds of wrong in ways I’m not sure I can even identify (although CATCHING THE GODDAMN BALL would be a great start), and a day before kickoff against our most loathsome rivals my idea of a successful outing would be to see the Vawls leave the field at 0:00 without having been booed by our own student section. (Which is no longer unheard of in Neyland, and isn’t THAT a pleasant turn of events.) Tennessee does have a history of coming up big against lowered expectations, but—no. It’s our time at the edge, and the stay will be neither brief nor pleasant. Florida, by a gulfy margin.

ORSON, QUASI-RATIONAL. Not by gulfy margins, certainly: the Florida offense is still trying to figure out all these durn pieces, and Dan Mullen, flustered by all the weirdness, will likely give up on the newfangled “run-ning back” position after a few punts and go back to TebowSmash/HarvinGive/Occasional PA deep ball as he’s wont to do. Tennessee’s offense has been bad to semi-bad to this point, and that gapemouthed look Jonathan Crompton gets when a disguised coverage unveils itself makes the stomach wrench with a torsion unfelt since the early days of Casey Clausen era. He’s good for the margin of victory, which feels like something around 28-17ish or so. (Also, Hayes is picking the Vols. Free. Money.)

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Monday’s piece dealing with booster concerns in Knoxville over player discipline reported that Tennessee punter Britton Colquitt has been ordered to hand-wash coach Phillip Fulmer’s car after repeated alcohol-related violations. Colquitt is to wash Coach Fulmer’s wife’s car. Additionally, a quote from Florida coach Urban Meyer calling the punishment “harsh” was not included. We regret the error and the omission.

Tuesday’s “Players who have never, ever, ever smoked marijuana EVER” piece listed Ryan Perrilloux as one of “college football’s most stalwart anti-reefer crusaders struggling to save youth from the smoky stinking menace of cannabis.” We are obviously wrong here, and we regret the error.

An interview with Mark Richt credited the Georgia head coach’s unnaturally taut and shiny complexion to candle wax drippings. Coach Richt favors paraffin to keep his pores filled and shimmering. We regret the error

Shiny!

On Thursday we mentioned that Chris Fowler had dropped to a 4-day low of 0.9203 against the Indonesian rupiah in early Asian trading on Monday, and that the rupiah-Fowler pair was worth 0.9178 at Friday’s close. (more…)