We rarely pre-empt the Curious Index. Today, there is a reason. Read on, because Holly found something majestic.
Raise ya glasses, shake ya asses, Vol Nation: For unto us is given this day that greatest of football blogosphere treasures—a Catlab masterpiece of our very own. It’s like staring into the sun, but it’ll get you drunk. Behold:
Have you ever seen anything ring so true? I’m about 85% sure the guy holding the pennant is my cousin Maxie. Had this wondrous creation hatched just a scant few days earlier, we would’ve been hard-pressed not to scrap the Tennessee list entirely—because this is, perfectly encapsulated, what Orange And White People Like.
He’s a beast from the Big East. And when his kicker isn’t missing potentially crucial field goals, he’s bouncing to five dollar beats and pimping Matt Grothe’s website in song.
The song is rapped and produced by none other than USF’s kicker Delbert Alvarado, the same one who missed three field goals against Auburn. Alvarado made the song for mattgrothe.com, mentioned a demure seventeen times or so in the song (check the website!), and according to Grothe “It’s a dang good song.”
The word dang just isn’t used enough as a modifier, dang it. As for the song, we must deliver some due credit to Alvarado, whose ten-cent street beats are pure Third Coast car-trunk-entrepreneur material–the song’s not terrible, though being an ode to Matt Grothe it does get a bit repetitive. We’ll know if it’s done the job if you hear Scott Van Pelt or Neil Everett drop a “G to the R-O-T-H-E” reference on Sportscenter.
Massive HT: Holly for working the transistors and vacuum tube to make this happen.
Thanks for comin’, everybody. I’m Les Miles and I’m the head coach here at LSU. Please leave your taffy over in the Les Miles taffy bowl. I see most of you remembered to bring it, which means you all get scratch ‘n sniff stickers to put in your books. The really generous ones get the banana flavored ones. I have skunk stickers for the rest of you.
YAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY TAFFY!!!!
I’m here today to introduce our special uniforms for the game against Tulane University. They really are special uniforms. And by this, I mean that they’re magical. Our players will go faster, tackle harder, and make bigger plays. And this all happens because we’ll be wearing our white magic pants.
Magicpants!
Revealliarrmus!
Clap! CLAP, ALL OF YOU!!!
(Reporter clap awkwardly, sporadically. Miles claps and jumps up and down.)
YAYYYYYYYYYY!!! Taffy break! (Unwraps taffy slowly, chews, moans.) Oh, butterscotch, old friend. You never bring the blues with you, do you.
(Continues.)
My players complain sometimes. WAAAAAA!!! we don’t want to watch The Return of the King again, or WAAAAAAA!!! we don’t want to wear white pants because it makes us look fat. Whatever, chuckles! (more…)
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Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
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Magicpants!
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