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We have the technology.

Your 2009 national champions: Florida, Iowa, Ole Miss, Texas, West Virginia, and/or Virginia Tech. So sayeth Rivals, anyway. Grab your pitchforks and torches and head on over; they’ll love to hear from all of you.

Headlines that are not about what we thought they would be about: “Spiller’s a walking time bomb”. They mean that in a good way, sadly.

At this point, it can’t hurt. Much. Syracuse practice sessions, available for your judgment: “Marrone likes opening spring practice because it places greater scrutiny on the players to perform at a higher level.”

BEHOLD THE MUSTACHE WEDNESDAY CURSE! Right around the time we were touting Noel Mazzone yesterday, this clown was being introduced as the new Pitt OC.

Yeah, we don’t like him. Can’t put a finger on it…[surreptitiously rubs upper lip]

Uh, it was weed. Matt Simms lands at Some College, California.

There is a nagging question about a suspension last season over which Kragthorpe put a cloak of secrecy.”He’s a young kid,” Phil said without hesitation. “I don’t expect him to be perfect. I do expect him to live with his experiences. He’s a good person. I’m not ashamed of Matt. He learned from his experience in Louisville.”

International All-Name All-Stars. Why should you care about Tongan rugby players testing poitive for drugs in Japan?  For answers, peruse this article, notable solely for the presence of teams named Sungoliath and Brave Lupus. ]]> http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2009/02/19/curious-index-2192009/feed/ 30 http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2009/01/12/blogpoll-final/ http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2009/01/12/blogpoll-final/#comments Mon, 12 Jan 2009 18:58:18 +0000 Orson Swindle http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/?p=8490 The final blogpoll, with added commentary by Dr. Gregory House.

Rank	Team	Delta
1	Florida	25
2	Utah	24
3	Southern Cal	23
4	Texas	22
5	Oklahoma	21
6	Penn State	20
7	Alabama	19
8	Texas Tech	18
9	Ohio State	17
10	Oregon	16
11	Boise State	15
12	Mississippi	14
13	Virginia Tech	13
14	Georgia	12
15	Oklahoma State	11
16	Iowa	10
17	Oregon State	9
18	Cincinnati	8
19	Florida State	7
20	Missouri	6
21	TCU	5
22	Georgia Tech	4
23	West Virginia	3
24	LSU	2
25	Brigham Young	1

Utah at number two?

I see we have some daddy issues to work out. Sure, you think they could beat USC. And I could out-hustle a Tasmanian jew in game of three-card monte. You gave Alabama sedatives. Don’t lie to me. The screens will show it. I’m just sitting here seeing how far you’ll take a lie before we have to come in and save you from your own lying mouth. Don’t try to to take me for a ride. I usually pay to have that done by the hour, if you know what I mean. And what I mean is that I use prostitutes. Expensive ones.

Texas Tech that high? Now I know you’re doing drugs. Was it toner? Cheap, virtually untraceable? Or is the tumor in your head you’ve been hiding all these years that made you do it? Yes, I’m an addict, the most coherent, well-composed addict you’ve ever seen who never misses a day of work for the convenience of plotline. Nevermind that the real pill addicts you know spend days in bed at a time and couldn’t properly diagnose the source of their own farts. Perhaps you just think only losing to Oklahoma and Ole Miss means something. Then again, you would, since losers like you like to make dignified math of their losses.

You don’t have lupus. It’s not lupus. Also, your tie’s ugly, and your wife knows you’re cheating.

Hand me a dry-erase marker. You need TCU higher, as they dusted the Boise State team you have ranked so preciously high. Only a fool would miss that, but you are Armenian, and demonstrating random and extremely specific racist tendencies as I do, I’ll just say that’s not surprising given your tendencies. (Agreed–that’s just random error.) Georgia Tech over LSU–now you’re just being retarded, and am calling the nurses to put corks on all of your forks to keep you from eating your own eyeballs.

What could cause someone to be so stupid?

Chase: Sarcoid. It’s got to be sarcoid.

Dr. House: You always say that, Kangaroo Jack. I’m guessing you put this blogpoll together on the morning after the national title game and are just now realizing what a colossal mistake it is, right? RIGHT? Don’t lie to me. I’m trying to save your life.

If you need me, I’ll be in my office drinking a bottle of scotch, popping pills, considering the dark mysteries of the universe to a classic rock song, and playing with an enormous tennis ball.