Viewing agenda for the weekend:

ORSON (ATL):
Maryland @ Clemson
Ole Miss @ Florida
Tennesse @ Auburn
Colorado vs. FSU
Alabama @ Georgia
Illinois @ Penn State
San Jose State @ Hawaii  (YEEEEEEAH)

HOLLY (undisclosed desert location):
UNC @ Miami
Virginia @ Duke
Tennessee @ Auburn
Arkansas @ Texas
Marshall @ WFV
Croom State @ LSU
Alabama @ Georgia
San Jose State @ Hawaii (THASSRIGHT)

Lane Kiffin:  Nowhere near any northeastern United State, and certainly not interviewing for the Syracuse job.  What Syracuse job? Look, a huge distracting thing!

You’re damn right we’re staying up for the 11:59 PM kickoff in Hawaii.  Share your destinations and plans below for all to see and stalk.  It’s been a long week.  Welcome back to bat country.

The viewing agenda:

ORSON (Knoxville):
Florida @ Tennessee.  Email our fearless leader to invite him to pertinent merriment/well-kickings.

HOLLY (Los Angeles/Tempe/still sitting on a plastic bench at O’Hare):
If I can ever get this effing plane to take off, I’m making a fast break for Arizona directly after touching down on the coast.  Assuming I survive watching the Florida game, the rest of the day will be devoted to watching LSU @ Auburn and marinating in Georgia @ AZ State.  Mmmm, conference play.  You taste like bourbon candy.

Bill Stewart will be sleeping the sleep of the angels, without a care in the world, if anyone needs him.  Unless you need him to coach a football team.

And you, fair readers?  Tell us where you’re going, what you’re watching, and what you’re drinking this fine fall weekend.

Splish splash, campers.  This’ll be our home until 5 PM Pacific, 8 PM God’s Time, when we will all be thoroughly relieved to see kickoff in the Coliseum just so we won’t have to hear about it anymore.

Matt Grothe, football hero.  We’re as spooked as you are.

The weekend’s viewing agenda:

SWINDLE (Gainesville, for a wedding that mercifully falls on Florida’s bye week):
Kansas @ USF
Georgia @ South Carolina
“Whatever’s on ESPN at noon”, which means Cal @ Maryland, the poor bastard.
Ohio State @ USC

HOLLY (San Diego, freezing her ass off in the 50-degree “beach weather”):
Kansas @ USF
Navy @ Duke
Alabama-Birmingham @ Tennessee
Michigan @ Notre Dame
Georgia @ South Carolina
Ohio State @ USC
Wisconsin @ Fresno State

TERRY BOWDEN:  Writing about football on the internet, making him precisely as employed as we are.

Consider this your open thread for tonight’s festivities.  Swindle’s on radio silence for most of the weekend with abovementioned commitments, but we’ll have occasional commentary and live coverage of OSU-USC tomorrow.   Y’all come back, now.

Tomorrow’s couchbound agenda:

SWINDLE (ATL):
Southern Miss @ Auburn
Wake Forest @ Ole Miss
Oregon State @ Penn State
WFV @ East Carolina
Miami @ Florida
Texas Tech @ Nevada

HOLLY (L.A.):
Miami Ohio @ Michigan
Southern Miss @ Auburn
San Diego State @ Notre Dame
WFV @ East Carolina
Miami @ Florida
Texas @ UTEP

GARY BARNETT:
Hauling nets on a trawler in the North Atlantic.

Where y’all headed? Here, open threads,  upset cheering, and a liveblog of the Gators-’Canes clash will be the order of the day.  Join us, won’t you?  (But sleep in, because that first round of games will only exacerbate Friday night’s hangover.)

The evening’s agenda:

SWINDLE:  Atlanta, watching Jacksonville State @ Georgia Tech live and NC State @ South Carolina via ESPN360.

HOLLY: Los Angeles, watching Troy @ Middle Tennessee State via GamePlan and NC State @ South Carolina on ESPN.*

Neither, regrettably, will be in Denver wooing Ana Marie Cox…although I’m closer, Swindle.  Just saying.

Were we That Sort Of Blog, this is the point at which we’d call you some sort of collective brotherhoodish nickname (”Rampant and Unapologetic SEC Bias Nation, PUTCHA HANDS IN THE AAAYYYYR!!!1!!”) and offer to race you to the comments for the commencement of geographic roll-call, drink choices du soir, and unseemly insinuations about your relationships with your mothers.  We remain, however, cool and aloof as jungle cats (and just as shiny), and will merely inform you, as any well-bred hostess would, that the open thread below is available for any and all of the above needs.  Go on, now.

*Also on the agenda: Frequent and vehement cursing of Time Warner SoCal for appalling nonexistence of ESPN360 availability in LA, denying me the Return of El Perrilloux.  Get bent, sirs.

Teams: there are a lot of ‘em. In our ongoing attempt to bring you the most outstanding mediocre coverage of college football as we know it, we bring on visiting lecturer LSUJoshua, who will lecture today on Dr. Miles’ School for the Garishly Attired and Athletically Gifted. Enjoy.

One: what color is your season? In other words, please explain the metaphorical state of your program through the metaphor of colour.

LSU is crystal clear, as in our two BCS trophies and how it’s obvious by now that Les Miles knows more than you about coaching football. Make excuses or downplay all you want. Simple fact of the matter is that LSU among the tippy top of cfb elite and isn’t going anywhere anytime soon, thanks largely to Miles’ ability to out recruit and out coach the rocket scientist you pay a South America defense budget for.

I challenge any man in this room to meet me in Kitchen Stadium. On the menu: your ass.

Two: What historical nation and period do you resemble most right now?

Cimmeria. Between the time when the oceans drank Atlantis and the rise of the sons of Aireus. It’s a great time to be a barbarian citizen of this Hyborean Age empire right now as the Tigers are enjoying their greatest stretch of success to date. A year like this used to be spent on the sidelines as we waited for new guys to mature for the next run. Now, extreme levels of talent and some of the best conditioning and coaching around have LSU always competitive, if not dominant. Upstart neighbors are brutally subjugated (Miss. St., Bama, Ole Miss) and we get the best of the serious competition, sometimes decidedly so.

Yeah, occasionally some wandering barbarian rhino out there might take time out of circumcisions to try and take a cut at us or some village idiot from the plains might to give us trouble, especially around the knees. (more…)