FACTOR FIVE FIVE FACTOR PREVIEW: COLORADO AT OKLAHOMA STATE
Welcome to our Factor Five Five Factor Preview of Colorado at Oklahoma State. The Factor Five Five Factor Preview examines the Thursday Night Game, the matinee where you get to feel the pre-boob and perhaps side boob of the college football week, but are thwarted when you go for anything below the belt. And with that bit of adolescent horror-memory, let’s get to the real collection of frustrated adolescents, the Colorado Buffaloes and the Oklahoma State Cowboys. One has trouble scoring, while the other can score, but found out that it’s not all it’s cracked up to be in the teen movies and love scenes from contemporary stag films JUST LIKE THE HEALTH FILMS TOLD US IT WAS GOING TO BE.
Category one: Nebulous Statistical Comparisons of Dubious Validity. Colorado has lost ten games in a row on the road, a streak surpassed only by Washington Generic and Washington State With Vibrating Rings For Your Pleasure and Most Definitely Not Theirs. They rank last or next to last in passing efficiency, punt returns, fumbles lost, rushing offense, scoring defense, scoring offense, total offense, turnovers lost, and turnover margin. This team allowed Toledo to score over fifty points on them. This team attempted to stop for a busy crosswalk, hit the gas, and is now wondering why there is a screaming old woman embedded in their windshield. This team is horrible beyond any concept words can convey, and thus we resort to song. Terrible, excruciating Chinese song:
Dan Hawkins’ recruiting is Chinese karaoke howl bad, and it is coming back for an encore thanks to the university being too broke to buy him out, meaning they’ll be sending out the Weber State Men’s Water Polo Team for another year of savage beatings at the hands of the Big 12, but without prize recruit Darrell Scott. (more…)





That bear: it eats pizza. And sometimes coaches.






