This week’s installment of “excellence in media guide typos” comes courtesy of UGA. You won’t like it, but as usual, the answer to everything is 42:
Photo: Mark Bradley, AJC.
The guide has the 45-42 Tech victory last year in Athens as a 42-42 tie. Please note that the Florida score is accurate, and still registers a full, sexy 39 point margin of victory. Mark Bradley also mentions the differing tallies between Tech and UGA in the series, and takes pains to mention Jasper Sanks’ fumble/non-fumble in the ‘99 game and thus double-Rochambeau Dawg fans. Remember this when you’re kicking Bradley in the balls in person, and feel justified.
From SN Today’s profile of Joe Cox: his favorite attribute is his hair, the skill he wants most is a good putting game, and one of his favorite movies is Anchorman. This means he’ll get this joke when we say: it’s the pleats, Joe.
It’s very noble that you think you’re trying to save lives. Really, it is. We admire that. Every day, we see people run over by careless drivers, shot by hooligans, and barbecued by roving cannibals on our streets and do nothing about it. In fact, sometimes the thought of “Why don’t I stop and do anything about it?” pops into our head as we’re enjoying a well-cooked slice of one of the unfortunate victims slathered in a rich, tangy barbecue sauce. Where is our Dark Knight, we ask?
Answer: you, Bernie Machen, who sees what other people don’t see in two Florida students falling down stairs and off a parking garage: a plague! A trend, a connection between your curious distaste for demon rum and another University of Florida-related event, another chance to protect people from themselves. Kudos to you for stepping in again to protect people from themselves.
What we’re asking is that you take care of the most serious threat at Florida games:The Bastard Sun.
Are you aware that there’s something on fire right up there? And that this thing can give you cancer? Now what if I told you that it was going to appear at every single day game Florida plays this year. You’d do something, right? Especially with that many lives at risk? WHY AREN’T YOU DOING SOMETHING ABOUT THIS, BERNIE MACHEN??? Did you not hear that it’s on fire RIGHT NOW?
Wait, let’s try this: sometimes the sun, which is on fire all the time, makes people hot, and then they get thirsty, and…wait for it….wait….they start drinking alcohol.
Please, Coach Richt. Sit down. Would you like a pillow? You would? That couch is awfully firm, I know. Yes, it probably would hurt your back if you slept on it. Ouch! What sleep number are you? A 27, you say? They go that high? Wow. You are a man of refined and delicate tastes, sir!
So I’m here to discuss the Florida Georgia game with you. That game in Jacksonville, yes. So you want it moved? Right? Because it’s…hot. Oh, you mean in this room, too? Yes, it’s somewhere around 75 degrees in here. You require an exact temperature of 74 degrees in order to not wilt? Really? Well, sure I guess we can do something about that. There, adjusted it for you. Gonna make it? Sure?
Okay! Let’s talk. You want to move the game to Atlanta because it’s hotter in Jacksonville, and because going to Jacksonville isn’t really playing at a neutral spot. (more…)
Best Actress in a Supporting Role: Sarah Jessica Parker Tripp Thornton Oh God Why The Fuck Do Southern Bourgeoisie Insist On Giving Their Children Eight Thousand Names John Parker Wilson. Naked, exposed, and vulnerable: all the things an actor fears, but must embrace in a role. In him, we see our own demise, but gorier and more painful than could possibly be imagined.
Absolutely not an artist’s rendition. Nope. REAL LIFE PHOTOGRAPHY by LSUFreek.
Us? We imply nothing. Butch Davis is one-third the man June Jones is, dismissing three players from Carolina for that standby classic Violation Of Team Policy.
The Dread Pirate Leach returns to the fold.A most welcome development, summarized most succintly by one of our own commenters: “That’s good, because Leach is still cool and he wouldn’t be the same outside of Texas (recruiting advantages). Also good because if Tech fired him, that would be FUCKTARDED.”
To combat these harmful stereotypes, very white us will be the ones handing out fried chicken at a tailgate at the game, partially because of this post, and mostly because fried chicken is really fucking good.
Our fearless leader files this dispatch from the road:
A quick scene from the airport today. A family of downhomey UGA fans sent off a pair of clearly foreign, Nordic-looking teen boys back to the cold, godless land from whence they came. They stood ahead of me in line at security, clearly emotional. Though they did not share a language, the angst and tears in their eyes made their feelings for each other clear enough.
And as a parting sign of their love, they had decked out both head to toe in the ultimate Georgian’s sign of affection: spanking new Bulldog gear.
It was moving and hokey simultaneously. In fact, I’m still thinking about them as I board, especially because just after I wiped a tear away, I told TSA they were speaking in Arabic and looking suspicious, and they were hauled away for cavity searches.
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Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
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Comments? Questions? Long strings of profanities directed at something we said? Please send your comments to harumphharumph -a- yahoo -dot- com. Please direct all tailgating photos and stories to edsbsfans -a- gmail -dot- com.
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