You like your number one team to be a seam-ripping behemoth unstoppable in all phases of the game. Sadly, you do not always get a Leviathan, fanboy, another example of reality foiling your preferences fo unstoppable tyrants in sport. Sometimes you get USC 2004, and sometimes you get Ohio State 2002, and sometimes you get the jalopy-borne asskick machine that is Alabama 2008.
This year’s Alabama team will not blow doors on anyone offensively, and is officially Krenzel-bad in terms of the passing game (100th nationally; in their 2002 run, tOSU ranked 92nd.) Auburn sits one spot higher in terms of total passing offense than the Crimson Tide, who have been a run-first sledgehammer on offense, pulverizing early and often with the run, playing field position, and asking John Parker Wilson throw a few fades and play-action passes along the way.
When your defense allows 13.1 points a game, you can afford to be cromagnon-compatible on offense. (more…)
The Alphabetical is hyah; your Fearless Leader and trusty sidekick are, respectively, out enjoying a beautiful fall day and huddled in the fetal position under the bed dreaming of a world without 800 yards in penalties. Kindly accept this ‘Freek offering with our compliments, and a pleasant afternoon to all.
(And admit it, you’d sit through four hours of Stark!Brooding!Emptiness! if it meant watching a rival SEC coach get bludgeoned to a bloody pulp with a ninepin.)
Chase Daniel attempted to say “great grasp” of the game when complimenting friend and rival Colt McCoy, but you know how this whole “talking” thing can get sometimes, especially when Prince starts playing and you get the view of the Heisman assets from the shotgun.
Who says you can’t get away with wearing white pants after labor day? Index along in a moment.
Warning: horned toads in real life are not as mischievous or cute as they are in this cartoon, nor is surfboarding off the roofs of houses condoned by Bronco Mendenhall, BYU, or this blog. If you do it, though, please film it and send it to us, because it is funny when other people get hurt and go boom.
The worst loss in the Hat’s tenure. We’re still sort of shocked that Charles Scott and LSU’s defensive line got so little against the Florida defense; visions of him storming through Florida’s line and eating whole fried turkeys in celebration of the Gators’ decimation had us losing sleep last week.
The constant use of fat jokes is really a pitiful crutch in the humor department. Half of all Americans are overweight, and thus make a facile target for the would-be junior varsity satirists of our nation. Really, how funny is it to point out something that shortens lives, lowers the quality of living for millions, and poses a grave threat to the integrity of our national health care systems, both private and public?
Really: how fair is it to mock a coach simply because their metabolism runs at a rate which, in another date and time, was actually an evolutionary advantage? Is it fair to make cheap comedic hash out of people who have become Darwin’s unwitting laughing stocks due to the caprices of fate and commercial farming practices? Is it fair, nay—is it even humane to do so?
LSUFreek has considered the question deeply, and has his thoughtful response and apology for years of fat jokes on this site. It is moving. It is challenging. It is necessary, and it is about time.
Normally scheduled fat-jokes will now resume with regularity and ferocity. Apologies. If you can get the vision of Phil Fulmer pulling beef tongue out of a cow’s head out of your brain, you have a more disciplined air traffic controller in your cerebral cortex than we’ve ever had.
All is right: LSUFreek and Photoshop are reunited. LSUFreek spent the past week running around the Louisiana/Mississippi area fleeing Gustav and its various side effects. Fortunately for humanity, he is back in place in an undestroyed home, drank in one hand and Photoshop in the other, to give you the full NPRish account of both Gustav’s aftermath, and its devastating effects on Chris Smelley.
In Gainesville we refer to that as “discretion.” Steve Spurrier would have thrown a fade to the back of the endzone, but let’s not let little details like past precedent or the fact that you’re on the field and playing football get in the way of what you’ll say anyway: Randy Shannon didn’t have anything to say about the Florida field goal with 1:56 left on the clock, except for that thing that he said.
”I’ll just say this one statement,” Shannon told reporters. “Sometimes when you do things, and people see what type of person you really are, you turn a lot of people off. Now, whatever you want to get out of that, I won’t say it again. But it helped us. It helped us more than you’ll ever know.”
It certainly helped Miami more than their offense did Saturday night, then. (The Reggie Ball offense lives!) “Running up the score” is a term Mike Lupica uses. That alone should disqualify its use as a term of serious meaning or use in any corners of the known universe.
BEES! Tony Barnhart wonders out loud if Georgia Tech can win the ACC Coastal, a possibility if Miami continues to use the same offense that crippled Tech’s chances in the division and the division–Duke, Miami, Virginia Tech, Virginia, and UNC–continues its uniform crapulence. Tech won an ugly, sloppy, messy, fumble-filled 19-16 win over Boston College Saturday, but it was a win nonetheless. The November 20th GT/Miami game in Atlanta might be a race to six points for victory. Paul Johnson’s number one friend in year one: other teams’ galling mediocrity.
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Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
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