Courage Wolf suggests you listen to EDSBS Live tonight and join us as we make chicken salad from the chicken shit that is week 12. 9:00 p.m. is when we put on what some people call a basketball hoop, and we call a cockring. Throw away the gum, chew the tin foil, listen here, chat there, and quit being such a pussy. Some call it cancer: we call it week 12, and it’s just something you haven’t ripped through yet.

Link to listen is here; link to chat is here. It is a balla convention with free admission, but you have to bring your own bottle. See you at 9:00 p.m. EST, Bravehearts.

Dr. Lou needs the kind of deep, piercing analysis only EDSBS can provide. Watch last night’s here, and then join the breakdown below.

Thank you, homely black girl, for your football question. (more…)

Hey, kids. If you’re reading this, it’s because we were in the emergency room all night getting a pesky couple of broken transverse processes of the L1 and L2 lumbar vertebrae taken care of by the fine medical professionals at Emory Hospital. You ever had Dilaudid? It’s like morphine, but with robot arms, a trust fund, and a horrendous gambling problem. We met last night.

Play me off for 6-8 weeks, Keyboard Cat.

No permanent or lasting damage, as the piece of angry, disunited bones in my back aren’t load bearing. They do hurt like I swallowed a plugged-in soldering gun, which is why I’m waking up in a few hours to dust off some more delicious, nutritious Percocet.

Thanks to all the well-wishers on Twitter and Facebook. (Our phone doesn’t work, as the iPhone battery died last night, too.) It’s pill and sleep time, and we’ll see what “we” feel like tomorrow.

The weather and cabin fever prior to spring practice can only be blamed for the psychobilly freakout that occurred this weekend in an active Fulmer Cup scoring session. The Big Board is updated and brought to you by Brian, who is hung like Reggie F’n Nelson.

Incidents, clarifications, and rank inaccuracies follow the board.

Ryan Mallett learns the Arkansas qb playbook. The Matt Jones one, to be specific. Ryan Mallett takes an epic mugshot in his arrest for public intoxication in Fayetteville this weekend, earns Arkansas two points on the Big Board, and gives Michigan fans further reason to crow that losing the blue-chip wunderkind was no real loss, after all, as he’s the kind of guy who will smirk but not outright smile during his mugshot. (The smile indicates you’re just insane; the smirk implies ’smug.’) Bobby Petrino responded by interviewing for the Saskatchewan Rough Riders’ head coaching position. (Score equals one point for public intox, and one bonus point for the mugshot mugging.)

I thought those Shirley Temples tasted odd. Shaun Prater could have given Iowa a mere two points for an OWI on Sunday, but he insisted on chatting with policemen, and chatting with policemen means they start writing the stupid things you’re saying down, and then they end up on the internet for all to see. (more…)

Oh, there’s so much to cover: a Fiesta Bowl liveblog tonight, Oklahoma players “grabbing the chainsaw” by saying Tim Tebow would be the fourth best qb in the Big 12, Boston College displaying excellence in human resources by threatening to fire Jeff Jagodzinski…so much madness to cover, but first one must be in the right frame of mind. And the right frame of mind to consider the final four days of the college football season requires this:

ALL HAIL MIGHTY CATLAB. Your obeisance is required by penalty of death, but is still appreciated.