Todd has been daring us into making some kind of “theatrical bet” surrounding the Alabama/Florida SEC Championship. First, there was the proposal of various school-affiliated fight songs, a proposal dismissed as being “done” and “lame;” then the discussion of singing state-affiliated fight songs, and then one thing leading to another, and then the final toxic decision turning this football bet into a true Doctor Strangelove scenario.

Come Alabama or Florida victory, one thing is certain: you all lose. The loser of the game must record in a fashion of their choosing a version of the Creed song of their choice and post it on their website. Sadly, as it is not an offical Creed song, “Gibba Gab” is not eligible, or we’d be warming up our best “DURKA-DOOOOOOO” in the event of a loss.

You’re welcome, and when Todd is on Youtube blaring out “Higher” at a karaoke bar in Birmingham doing his best strip-mall Jesus poses, you may blame not us, but Alabama football for the scars your mind will bear afterward. Conversely, should Florida lose, we’re going to Mary’s and apologizing in advance to the collected crowd of bears and twinks for the horrendous version of the execrable “Arms Wide Open” we’ll shit out of our mouths on video for you.

The SEC Championship: where we all lose no matter who wins. We take your suggestions for presentation, song choice, and costumes below.

We knew vacation was over when the vodka ran out–which, sadly, it did. We’re back, up, and hoping to take the Serena Williams approach to blogging fitness. Meaning we’ll play our fat asses into shape over the course of the tournament. Edit: our fat beautiful asses.

Getting in shape? That’s what the first two rounds are for, suckers.

The morning roll call of extremely important events we missed while gone:

Auburn recruits allegedly changed the grades of two players had grades changed at the last minute to make them eligible, according to the Mobile Press-Register. We normally don’t even post allegations of malfeasance sent to us by either Alabama/Auburn fans re: Auburn/Alabama football players, but this one comes from an actual newspaper, not Roscoe’s House O’ Cheatin’ Bastards.blogspot.com.

The NCAA is investigating… (more…)

We at EDSBS have a lasting affection for Scott Stapp, who despite being born an LD dwarf overcame his circumstances to become THE LEAD SINGER OF THE GREATEST BAND EVER, CREED. Stranko’s a particular fan of Stapp’s vocal stylings, particularly after large, starchy meals when something’s got to get the digestive system moving and moving fast.

Stapp has a new song he’s singing this morning, however, following an arrest for domestic violence: “With Palms Wide Open.” (Irishoutsider from FireMarkMay gets credit there.)

Creed rulz!

Scott Stapp, American hero, is thinking deeply about slapping you right now.