Image source: Clay Travis.

Holly’s in transit today, so picks will just have to be up to yours truly. As we have no problem talking to the air itself, let’s get this monologue underway without delay.

Florida at South Carolina. The grumpiest 9-0 fanbase in the nation heads to Columbia to face the man who initially allowed them to look at 9-0 in the SEC and be grumpy, Spurrier the White, the (more…)

As pickster Holly is not around to help us make our casting couch picks, we’ll have to just soldier through them without her.

Orson: Miami IS Ray Liotta IN Anything. Let’s face it: Ray Liotta was never meant to make a film without at least one scene of him burying his fist in the face of a sniveling punk of some sort. There was that unfortunate time when he attempted to branch out, sure. (Refer to this in the Liotta canon as the “Corrina, Corrina” phase, though he did stage a spirited fistfight with Whoppi Goldberg for a fight scene that met the cuttring room floor.) Similarly, Miami was never meant to experiment with being an emotional, 8-5 ACC team–

THUNDERCLAPS.

EXCUSE ME.

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Hey, kids. If you’re reading this, it’s because we were in the emergency room all night getting a pesky couple of broken transverse processes of the L1 and L2 lumbar vertebrae taken care of by the fine medical professionals at Emory Hospital. You ever had Dilaudid? It’s like morphine, but with robot arms, a trust fund, and a horrendous gambling problem. We met last night.

Play me off for 6-8 weeks, Keyboard Cat.

No permanent or lasting damage, as the piece of angry, disunited bones in my back aren’t load bearing. They do hurt like I swallowed a plugged-in soldering gun, which is why I’m waking up in a few hours to dust off some more delicious, nutritious Percocet.

Thanks to all the well-wishers on Twitter and Facebook. (Our phone doesn’t work, as the iPhone battery died last night, too.) It’s pill and sleep time, and we’ll see what “we” feel like tomorrow.

Florida Field at Ben Hill Griffin Stadium, November 15th, 2008. 3:49 p.m.

DION LECORN twists his heels into the turf and waits for the kickoff. The South Carolina Gamecocks are down 14-0 early to the Florida Gators. A clean WHUMP of foot meeting ball echoes through the air. LECORN tracks it through the air.

LECORN: Okay…break it to the outside if you can…against the grain…film showed against the grain…HYPE, man, HYPE!

[A sudden thunderclap sounds. Lightning shoots in a webbing of heavenly fire above him.]

LECORN: What the—

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