Georgia and Georgia Tech fans are now free to go ahead and bury themselves in whatever trademark coffin they like, thanks to a minor tweak of the licensing rules for Georgia University System schools. It could be argued that Georgia’s been burying Georgia Tech in their uniforms for years now, but they were doing it unofficially and against the expressed rules of the university. Now they can do it for real: licensed, legal, and undoubtedly expensive:

The Board of Regents Wednesday re-visited a decades-old policy banning the use of college logos on burial items like coffins or urns, allowing fans to bring their love for their alma maters into the hereafter. A Macon-based business, Collegiate Memorials, asked the Regents to loosen the rules and after a closer look at other states’ policies, members of the board relented.

The ban was part of a policy written in 1982, that prohibited logos on burial items, sex toys and alcoholic beverages, among others.

The real shame is that other university systems probably have the same rules keeping college football fans from enjoying the sex toys of their choice. With such rich names and tradition around, the territory is just ripe for a savvy marketeer. For example:

–The Jackie Sherrill Anal Dilator: If the NCAA is coming, why not make it easy on yourself with this fine stainless steel aid.

–The Oregon State Eager Beaver: the pocket pleaser that’s never a teaser straight from Reser!

–The Rocky Topper: the multipurpose tool for both sexes. Half-bear and half-cat, it’s all for the animal in you!

–The Yellow Jackette: The ideal high-tech, yellow and black striped pleasure baton for the high-tech lady in your life. Early adopters and next-gen types love it!

–The Mike Seven: Hold that tiger…with both hands! A surefire champion for size queens everywhere, this monster’s big enough for even the most intimidating Death Valley.

–The SebAsstian: This Ibis-shaped wife wand will keep “U” in shape no matter how you decide to use it.

–The Golden Gopher: its powerful burrowing action ensures you’ll never go digging for a another toy again!

–The Washington “Husky”: For those who favor girth, you can’t go wrong with the Husky.

–The Eastern Carolina Pirate: Four D-cell batteries, 23 separate LEDs, 8 moving parts, a durable Tensagrip handle, and genuine Buccaneer design ensure that no matter how far you plunge into the Outer Banks, you’ll keep hauling in the booty like a real pirate!

Yarr.

It’s November. You have no excuse to be outside.

Pat White. Thursday night. Louisville’s defense. This could get ugly.

THURSDAY NIGHT LIGHTS
LOUISVILLE at WEST VIRGINIA (7:30 ET • ESPN)
The classic “Time Machine” game: West Virginia is still a frontrunner, and even Louisville is still technically alive in the Big East at 2-2 in the conference, but this barely consequential showdown bears no resemblance to the clash of unbeaten, BCS-bound titans it was last year, or that ESPN no doubt expected again. In lieu of far-reaching national ramifications, prepare thyself, viewer, for pointless hype of Pat White and Steve Slaton directed at certain individual awards, and at least two replays of a certain play that propelled a certain color announcer to said award more than two fucking decades ago, and some pro scout drooling over Brian Brohm moments before he’s intercepted for severely underthrowing an open man.
Watch for: End zone angles of West Virginia’s unearthly blocking, opening mile-wide lanes against overpursuing defenses since 2005. Also: Noel Devine, who will do something completely jaw-dropping in place of Slaton in the second half, because that what Noel Devine does.

Provincialism: Tennessee State at Samford (6:00 ET, ESPNU), TCU at BYU (9:00 ET, Versus)

TGIF, UNLESS YOU HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN WATCH…

RUTGERS at ARMY (8:00 ET • ESPN2)
Our brave future fighting men have played one much stronger team tough at home each of the last two years  –Iowa State in 2005, Texas A&M last year – but still carries something like a twenty-eight year losing streak against winning teams. I didn’t look that up, but you’ll hear the real number at the first sign of Rutgers distress Friday, and then a few times again until RU lays down the hammer. But make no mistake: sooner or later, the hammer will be laid. Army is sloooooow. Watch for: The play Army safety Caleb Campbell hits Ray Rice so hard his helmet pops off, and Rice is revealed to actually be a fifty-story-tall monster made of flames the Black Knights must work together to slay before they can graduate to victory, aka an extended tour in Afghanistan.

(Yes, I know that was a Marines commercial, but they’re all shooting at the same targets. Anyway, the Army monster as personified by Ray Rice is way bigger).

Provincialism: Fordham at Columbia (7:00 ET, YES), Bowling Green at Eastern Michigan (7:30 ET, ESPNU)

SATURDAY – EARLY AFTERNOON: THERE IS A RACCOON. FLUSH HIM FROM THE WALL IN TIME FOR…

Main Course: Michigan at Wisconsin (Noon ET • ESPN)
P.J. Hill may not play, meaning the Wolverines may have to actually hit a moving target, a tall task to date for this particular version of the Michigan D. Then again, the Badgers ran for all of twelve yards without Hill at Ohio State last week and have allowed an average of 221 yards rushing to the last four non-MAC offenses they’ve faced, three of them in losses. So Mike Hart’s ankle does not necessarily need to be 100 percent. Watch for: Okay, like, this may not be a big deal for Midwesterners and other Northern types, and there’s all like global warming and whatever, right? But for those of us who grew up sweating in the desolate Southland well into the Fall months, even a glimpse of snow on the tube is an exotic, vicarious thrill. Football in a blizzard? We don’t want to be there, we just want to see it. The game’s already an instant classic. OMG hi-def snowstorm! The god who denies us this seasonal pleasure is a cruel numen indeed.

On the Other Channel…
WAKE FOREST at CLEMSON (Noon ET • ESPN2)
Impromptu Geico trivia: which one of these teams still has a chance to catch Boston College in the Atlantic division? Answer: both of them – the Deacons and Tigers are 4-2 apiece, though Wake is eliminated by tie-breaking procedures if B.C. beats Maryland Saturday. If it wins, Clemson can set up a winner-take-all showdown with the Eagles in Death Valley next week. Watch for: Half of Clemson’s team is knocked out of the game after appropriately-named defensive lineman Jock McKissic loses his balance on the way down the hill during the Tigers’ opening ceremony, triggering a chain reaction that claims the entire starting secondary and most members of the receiving corps. C.J. Spiller is spared, however, by alertly leaping over the entire mass of humanity, performing a double salto with a full twist on the first flip and landing on his feet. Spiller then runs for 274 yards and two touchdowns as part of a five-man offense, only to watch Wake steal the win in the closing seconds (if you don’t think Wake would let a five-man offense hang around for 59 minutes, you don’t know Wake. Last second is just how some of us roll).

Bacher: Works things out, but…does he know how to change?

INDIANA at NORTHWESTERN (Noon ET • ESPN Classic)
What, exactly, is classic about this third tier pillowfight, other than its mediocrity? Both teams are collectively 0-5 against opponents with a winning record; Indiana is already technically bowl-eligible at 6-4, and Northwestern is a win away at 5-5. If the Wildcats win and both teams end up 6-6 (they’ll be underdogs next week against Purdue and Illinois, respectively), both could fall short of the conference’s seventh-place spot in the Motor City Bowl. Hopefully good enough for the Motor City Bowl! Classic! Watch for: Northwestern quarterback C.J. Bacher, whose look is best described as “vaguely Asian,” whose greatest achievement is yet to be seen and who is not afraid to admit that his favorite song on his iPod is Boyz II Men’s “Water Runs Dry.”

TEXAS A&M at MISSOURI (12:30 ET • FSN)
The Tigers offer an interesting juxtaposition for A&M: you have the Aggie offense on one hand, and what the Aggie offense is trying to be on the other. Every positive attribute you hear ascribed to Stepehen McGee during the first few minutes of the broadcast, apply it to Chase Daniel, as well, only for real. You won’t have to do that for very long. Watch for: Dennis Franchione slowly removing his headset, handing off his clipboard, putting his hands in his pocket and walking off the field in the middle of the third quarter following a moment of epiphany. What’s the point, you know?

Provincialism: A rare treat for SEC fans and unfortunate transplants to said territory, who get – count ‘em – not one but TWO! exciting Lincoln Financial options at 12:30: Alabama at Mississippi State and Arkansas at Tennessee. Double the graininess! Double the Yellawood ads! Double the Daves! (You know they’re going to find three more guys named ‘Dave’ for the extra duty right?) Everyone else can pick those games up live via the generous feed on Yahoo! Sports.

Elsewhere: Penn State at Temple (Noon ET, ESPNU), Michigan State at Purude (Noon ET, Big Ten Network), Minnesota at Iowa (Noon ET, Big Ten Network), North Carolina at North Carolina State (Noon ET, Lincoln Financial), South Florida at Syracuse (Noon ET, Metro Atlantic Sports Network/ERTV), Amherst at Williams (Noon ET, Northeast Sports Network), New Hampshire at Massachusetts (Noon ET, SNY…for two other states’ flagship schools?), Villanova at Towson State (Noon ET, CSNA), Kansas State at Nebraska (12:30, Versus), Lafayette at Holy Cross (1:00 ET, CSTV), Yale at Princeton (1:00 ET, YES)

LATE AFTERNOON: KEEP AN EYE ON THE COWS, MA

Main Course: AUBURN at GEORGIA (3:30 ET • CBS)
You may not realize it, but this is the oldest rivalry in the South, forging valiantly into a second century of tradition that would equally horrify both sides of the game’s segregationist founders. It’s one thing to let muscular negroes run the same ball as the white players, but foot-ball without the ceremonial mid-drive heifer rape? The Colonel won’t stand for it! Watch For: Knowshon Moreno, conquistador of homely co-eds campus-wide and the rest of the SEC’s worst nightmare for the next three-plus years.

On the Other Channel…
Your Mouse-Eared ESPN on ABC Overlords Bestow Upon an Unworthy and Grateful Public…
ILLINOIS at OHIO STATE / FLORIDA STATE at VIRGINIA TECH / TEXAS TECH at TEXAS / ARIZONA STATE at UCLA (3:30 ET • ABC/ESPN)

Look at this map and tell me: how did they decide on those precise boundaries in Idaho, Montana and Wyoming for who would get Ohio State-Illinois and who would get UCLA-Arizona State? “Remember, boys, Southeast Idaho, they love ‘em some Big Ten. They can’t get enough. But Montana? They better get the game in L.A. or there’ll be hell to pay, believe you me. And whatever you, do, don’t even think about trying to put on Ohio State in that one little diamond-shaped sliver in Western Wyoming. We all remember the Laramie Riots of ‘92. Yep, live and learn, boys. Live and learn.”
Watch For: The comical contrast of Jim Tressel’s icy resolve and Coach [Redacted]’s goofy pep, ending in a long closeup of one of them fighting back tears as the clock winds down on an afternoon of unambiguous punishment in the fourth quarter. I won’t tell you which one.

AIR FORCE at NOTRE DAME (2:30 ET • NBC)
The Irish are a slight (+2.5) underdog at home, to a physically overmatched service academy that runs the triple option, which makes complete sense to anyone who saw last week’s game. And Jimmy Clausen is back in the saddle for the game that could officially make these Irish the losingest team in school history? What kind of lottery did the rest of the country win? Watch For: Schadenfreude doesn’t die. It multiplies.

Provincialism: Colorado State at New Mexico (1:00 MT, Mtn.), Boise State at Utah State (1:00 MT, KJZZ/KTVB), Connecticut at Cincinnati (3:30 ET, ESPNU), Wyoming at Utah (1:30 MT, CSTV), Furman at Georgia Southern (3:30 ET, SportsSouth), Kent State at Northern Illinois (3:00 CT, Cox Sports-Chicago), New Mexico State at San Jose State (1:00 PT, Comcast/Aggie Vision), East Carolina at Marshall (4:30 ET, MASN, WITN)

HERE COMES THE NIGHT

Main course: Your Mouse-Eared ESPN on ABC Overlords Bestow Upon an Unworthy and Grateful Public…
BOSTON COLLEGE at MARYLAND / KANSAS at OKLAHOMA STATE / USC at CALIFORNIA (8:00 ET • ABC/ESPN)
Oh, read it and weep, folks:

It’s the Kansas-Oklahoma State game you’ve always dreamed of, consumer. No, no – thank us later. Watch For: Visually seeing the final molecules of air go out of Cal’s dream season. Jeff Tedford will try sustaining its last vestiges by holding his breath and puffing out his cheeks, until Pete Carroll claps his hands on either side of Tedford’s face to force out the rest.

On the Other Channel…
FLORIDA at SOUTH CAROLINA (7:45 ET • ESPN)
The Gamecocks have strategically timed their annual offensive revival to coincide with a defensive collapse of potentially staggering proportions, just in time for Tim Tebow, Percy Harvin, Gators brittle young secondary and your staggering windfall on the ‘over.’ Watch For: The tragic destruction of the “Cockaboose Railroad” when the lead cockaboose strikes an absentminded Tebow crossing the tracks prior to the game.

Can nothing stop Tebow’s trail of rail destruction?!

VIRGINIA at MIAMI (7:15 ET • ESPN2)
What’s worse: that the Cavs are in first place in the ACC Coastal with the nation’s 104th-ranked offense, or that Miami still has a chance to catch them with a win? Welcome to the new ACC, baby. Watch For: There is no acceptable reason to watch any game in the ACC, especially one featuring one offense quarterbacked by Kirby “1 of 14” Freeman and another coached by Al Groh. Holly helpfully suggested the following themes:

Sundresses versus hot pants.
Juleps versus 40s.
Maypoles vs. Luther Campbell.
Popped collars versus popped caps.

I don’t think they wear sundresses in Virginia, but whatever a ‘Maypole’ is, with apologies to Luther, I’m there.

FRESNO STATE at HAWAII (11:00 ET • ESPN2)
It’s a midnight tradition: Random West Coast game! Random West Coast game! Watch For: If you can’t drunkenly watch Colt Brennan hang 450 yards on a team you will not be able to identify in the morning before passing out, you are not American.

Provincialism: Stanford at Washington State (3:30 PT, Fox Spors Northwest/Bay Area/Pacific), Baylor at Oklahoma (5:30 CT, FSN), Central Florida at UAB (6:30 CT, CSTV), Washington at Oregon State (7:15 PT, FSN), San Diego State at UNLV (9:00 MT, CSTV)

Click on the link below to let potential suitors at tailgates and other football-associated activities know that you’ve got the king/queen of the jungle in your pants.

Another fine EDSBS t-shirt.
FUCK DAT SPIDER! Buy this shirt.

We can’t wait to post it with the rest of this year’s “Orson’s Favorite Things” piece, so here it is, the solution to all your problems involving weddings and other forms of human interaction conflicting with your viewing of an ABC/CBS/NBC/FOX game broadcast on local frequencies.

America, Fuck Yeah: the NHJ Portable Television.

How awesome is the EDSBS bride, The Conscience of a Nation? So awesome that SHE suggested we purchase this immediately. Too bad for her: in case you wonder how we’re going to die, it’s most likely while pounding the face of this watch in following a Florida turnover viewed while driving to the store for ice for our ninth vodka and tonic of the day. Hand hits watch on wrist, turns car into oncoming traffic, and we’re done. That’s totally how it’s going to happen, and it will be all your fault, Tim Tebow!

Mangino might actually look small on this screen, though, so there’s good news for someone in this.

Enjoy your weekend.

Smarter, more agile brains than ours are busy picking apart the technical details and forecasting the potential success of the Big Ten network. In summary, though, here’s what you need to know:

1. The Big Ten is building its own television network. You know, much like the one Notre Dame has called NBC.

AIIIIIGGGGHHH!!! We hope the Big Ten gets someone more lifelike than synthflesh-covered cyborg Tom Hammond to call their games.

2. The Big Ten Network would broadcast games “carved out” of existing network agreements. So rather than the pork tenderloin of Michigan/Ohio State, you’d likely be looking at the head cheese and chitterlings of Purdue/Northwestern if you tuned in during the fall.

3. The Big Ten Network, headed by Bud Selig Charm School Graduate Jim Delany, is charging viewers more than any network besides ESPN for its services.

4. This has gotten the fledgling network into a tiff with cable giant Comcast, and their tussle has been prodigious enough to attract the attention of the three most important media outlets in the nation: MGoBlog, The New York Times, and Sunday Morning Quarterback, all of whom have spent considerable bandwidth and column space discussing it in intelligent fashion.

We here at EDSBS are of the opinion that Jim Delany is a complete and total dickface, even above and beyond the dickfacedness required in being a conference head. (more…)

Dear old Dads–they come in all varieties ranging from the heroic, asteroid-destroying Bruce Willis-type to the Kevin Spacey, weenie-waiting-to-flip-out-and-midlife-crisisize the whole family type. (He’s our fave, since he’ll share the weed, hang out, and lift weights with you. Skip the bit where he’s shot by the closeted gay neighbor and you’ll love him like a brother.)

And if you’re reading this blog, chances are your father likes or really, really likes college football. Why not give him an appropriate gift combining your mutual appreciation of sport and your varying levels of affection for him?

Our handy guide follows, custom fit for the kind of dad you may happen to have.

The Saint.

The man: Glib without being snide, an early riser, still reasonably fit and in possession of a deed to a house worth over five hundred thousand dollars in value, wise, compassionate, successful without being a total asshole, faithful to dear old mum and still prompt with the anniversary flowers, a patient and indulgent grandfather…chances are, you don’t have this dad, but if he did exist you’d hate him for being damn perfect if he weren’t Dad.

As it stands, you’re likely wrenched with guilt at being less than perfect in his shadow and compensate for it with blasts of hedonism mixed in with spurts of overachieving and frantic career switches. (Hey, guys! I’m taking the LSAT!)

The gift: In return, take revenge by giving him the tickets to any of the following games: Texas/OU in the Red River Rivalry (10/06), USC/Notre Dame (10/20), or any this year’s grand cru Iron Bowl (11/24), featuring new, industrial grade bitter with Saban v. Tuberville returning to the SEC West.

Look who’s perfect now, Dad! [/drunken post-game rant when he buys dinner.]

The Man: Mr. Harmless. Perhaps you remember Dad as less of a factor in your upbringing, and more of a quantum randomness that spend most of the time attempting to program the VCR correctly, setting different parts of the house on fire, and stocking every nook and cranny of the domicile with stuff he bought off Skymall and Hammaker-Schlemmer. (more…)

Brian Murphy of the Idaho Statesman stopped by EDSBS LIVE!!!11 last night and braved our four questions, but not before chatting a bit about all things Boise State with us. Fact: there is no glacial sheet of ice that covers Idaho in the winter. Also fact: the Boise beatwriter gets to go to Hawaii next year to cover an extremely important and unmissable conference game that he must, must attend.

Suck it, SEC beatwriters!

Murphy, author of Blue Magic, a book about Boise’s mythic 2006 season, (BUY, SLAVES! CONSUME!) answers our questions in the 3 minutish clip below. Easily digestable in between your boss’s monitoring sweeps of the office:

MP3 File

Murphy also stuck around with us after the show and was the first to participate in our five minute Snap Previews, which we’re attempting to do for every single stinkin’ team in the country before the season starts. (more…)

Sylvester Croom’s already lived three lives in one: Alabama offensive legend, NFL coach, family man, lover, fighter, and now the first African-American head coach in the SEC. He truly has grown into a man of all seasons, a philosopher-king in his own right.

And now, he wants to share his greatest joy with you: the joy of music. Please, bear with the atrocious audio quality of the first minute (the producers said the song “needed edge!”) and listen to Sylvester Croom’s debut album, available on Mud Dog Records for only $39.95, including bonus concert DVD.

We now present to the world…Sylvester Croom, laying down hot tracks on his debut album dropping right here, right now: Sylvester…Croons.

(Psst! Hey! All you need to know is that Sylvester Croom has a very, very deep voice. Proceed!)

MP3 File

Finally, it’s happened to all of us: Sylvester Croom sings.

Countless Africans really are wandering the streets of Lagos and Lome wearing “USC: BACK 2 BACK CHAMPIONS!!!” and “BRADY QUINN: HEISMANTASTIC!!!” t-shirts. Or at least we like to think so after reading about how hypothetical merchandise like “Buffalo Bills: Super Bowl Champs” tees and hats wind their way down the supply chain and onto the backs of Malian herdsmen.

An eagle-eyed reader saved one such example of neverwas memorabilia for us, however, and sent it post-haste to the Swindle Reptile Farm on Highway 78. The taste is a bit fresher on this one, however, and endlessly sweet for us.

Busted Memorabilia presents: the “Make Florida an Urban Myth” t-shirt.

The front:

Available in brilliant scarlet.

The back: (more…)

People must fear Dennis Erickson like they fear the plague and fire, because nothing really happens at a program until he leaves. Then, like kicking over a rotten log, everything explodes when he leaves, as evidenced by the sudden outbreak of arrests at the otherwise peaceful, placid Unversity of Idaho.

To wit:

Idaho sophomore defensive tackle Marvin C. Jones Jr. was arrested after he allegedly sold cocaine to undercover police officers, Moscow Police Assistant Chief David Duke said Friday.

He sells coke! Not only does this earn substantial Fulmer Cup points for the Idaho Vandals, it also just garnered a guest slot rapping on a Clipse album. (They sell coke! In case you didn’t know. LOTS OF IT WAMP WAMP WHAT.)

The bigger news is that more arrests could follow in what police describe as “a developing situation.” For the moment, Idaho can pause at three counts of delivery of a controlled substance, each worth three points a piece, with charges undoubtedly pending contingent on how deeply Mr. Jones feels the “no-snitchin’” policy. That’s Moscow up with a snowstorm of nine points! They do cocaine!

Given the fact that Don Erickson is now running game in Tempe, Mr. Jones might want to think long and hard, since the Golf Cart of Doom and Coach Erickson’s Enchanted Beer Coozy can provide him no protection now.

Again: someday Dennis Erickson and a tumbler of scotch are driving into a volcano during the Hula Bowl. It’s just gotta happen.

Blogtoberfest–the best party you won’t end up treating with antibiotics…probably.

Love has stepped on both of these people with a hobnailed boot. Larry Munson is the sole property of the Georgia Bulldogs we envy openly and shamelessly, an announcer with just a pinch of Minnesota nose to him who sounds like an ages old tortoise sipping whiskey while broadcasting the game from somewhere deep inside Mammoth Cave. He’s a national treasure, he broadcasts Georgia football, and the combination of the two facts is proof that God blesses even the wretchedest on this planet with something good and pure.

Paul brings us the news and audio behind someone paying Munson to do a voiceover for their wedding. Personally, we think given the divine desperation Munson can summon up in his best moments, his narration of a divorce would be even better.

For the uninitiated, here’s a compilation of Munson’s finest lunacy. Even with all that blasted, scabrous red all over the screen, it’s still run-flat awesome. OH MY GOD A TOUCHDOWN MY GOD A TOUCHDOWN–even the teetotalingest finger-wagging Baptist forgave him for that, which you may see around the 2:07 mark.

NCAA officially files their mea culpa. Rule 3-2-5-e, which suffered a severe aneurysm in March, gets the official DNR order signed and approved by the NCAA. Spit on the ground twice in its memory.

Way more effective than that old ‘G’ Formation. It’s the offseason–help yourself to a little football history as Corn Nation examines the history of the wacky ‘T’ Formation. Not explained in the article: why the hell the Seahawks have it in Madden.

SMQ is Jacob wrestling the angel, and you’re not even watching. Sunday Morning Quarterback is rolling through every team in the land again and you’re not even paying attention. You owe him makeup sex, a nice bottle of Sauvignon Blanc, and at least two romantic comedies for your negligence. And no, The 13th Warrior is not a romantic comedy, even if we told you it was. (Because nothing gets us in the mood like Viking Death,, but we’re not normal.)

Best. Shirts. Ever. Take sporting debate on the road with you with Dan Shanoff’s stellar array of Gator/Duke debate shirts. Or, if you’re less inclined to debate, you could just wear one of ours (click to go to the shop and buy, say, thirty of them for your friends:)

Tang still double-entendre funny! Gravity pulls down! And Nick Saban? Still a raving asshole to everyone and anyone around him. He’d try to talk to you a bit about this, but he hasn’t got time for this shit, even if he made time later to make time for this shit.

An anonymous tipster who did get a peek in Saban’s practices though says the coach is livid with the front seven’s lack of…well, just general lackness. But how could that be? You hired a coach who is the son of a great coach? Greatness is genetic! Look at Freddie Prinze Jr. if you don’t believe us, or Robin Thicke.

Again, repetition is the key to communication again. Pete Carroll: again, not going anywhere. Ever. For any reason. Except he’s got to stop by Whole Foods for some Newman-O’s, because they’re the best organic cookies everywhere. If you need him, he’s taking the golden unicycle.

Fuck your couch, Ed Orgeron. Via the Wiz, the best walkoff decision we’ve ever seen comes from Cliff Davis, now former backup qb at Ole Miss:

“I gave it up since they didn’t put me in the damn game,” Davis said Monday in a telephone interview. “Fed up. Football’s not paying my damn bills, so it’s time to get my education, join the working world.”

Davis left the game early in the fourth quarter, walked into the locker room, and then walked out of football for good. Coach Ed Orgeron was so shocked he didn’t even burn his house down in retaliation for his disloyalty.

Nigella Lawson: We’d still ride it like the MARTA. Cheesecake is coming, but we’d like to reiterate that Nigella may still use us for medical experiments any day of the week.

A busy opening day in the Fulmer Cup Market–if this were late afternoon essential Marketplace on NPR, we’d be playing “We’re In The Money” behind this piece to celebrate the uptick in activity.

Hawgz Shoplifitin’ Skillz=unw00t. At least for starting defensive end Antwain Robinson, best remembered by the casual football fan for stealing a shovel pass from Chris Leak in the SEC championship game for a temporarily devastating touchdown. The alleged theft in question this time involves something from a Dillard’s in Fayetteville, Arkansas. Judging from the aristocratic pose Robinson took in his mug shot, we’re guessing it’s a tasteful linen shirt–plum or eggshell?–and a snappy pair of lightweight wool trousers for the garden party season.

Hello, good sir. Make mine a Hendrick’s and tonic, please.

Fulmer Cup score: One point, with possible bonus if we find out he was stealing anything humorous, like a Dillard’s employee.

Drinkin’ in Utah. Utah enters the competition in decidedly un-Mormonesque style with a pittance of a DUI charge for Ute WR Marquis Wilson. Wilson made an illegal turn, was pulled over, and then blew a 0.11 on the breathalyzer, a mere .3 above the legal limit. In Utah, 0.11 is considered legally drunk; in Bulgaria, that’s just getting started. Wilson has been charged with drunk driving nonetheless, and has been suspended from the Utes indefinitely.

Fulmer Cup Score: 1 point.

P.S. If anyone wants to maintain the Fulmer Cup scoreboard, we’re canvassing for volunteers. Payment will come in the form of pats on the back and the mention of your name with the phrase “hung like Reggie F’n Nelson” for the rest of your life on this blog.

Riding the wave of what USA Today calls “college football’s growing popularity,” ESPN will debut College Football Live on July 23rd. Why now?

“College football fans want more content,” Berson says. “This has been a long time coming. It’s a natural extension for us. We expect it to become a staple of our programming, like NFL Live and Baseball Tonight.”

Our reaction:

WHAAAAA?

It’s coming on at 3:30 p.m. EST, which means ESPN may have misstepped already by assuming you’re on the couch clearing a bong in between classes. (more…)

The must-have t-shirt for the die-hard, Molly-Hatchet-lovin’ Gator fanatic follows. The back reads “73-57, 41-14.”

All your trophies are belong to us. And the celebration continues. Confidentially, we haven’t worn pants since Monday night.