Presenting a matchup so retro one should be forced to watch it with a pair of hot-orange Oakleys on and while wearing a well-gelled mullet: Notre Dame and Miami are considering re-upping for their rivalry game, a series that has been on hiatus since a three-game stretch in 1987-1990 and was dubbed “Catholics versus Convicts,” an unfair accusation towards Miami in so many ways. (Probation is a totally different thing, and if you’d ever done anything fun enough in your life to get arrested for it, you’d know that.)
We’d watch it even if Miami in the 2000s has been less Miami, and more “Clemson With Skin Cancer” since joining the ACC. (Similarly put, Notre Dame would just have be “Notre Dame, but with a lingering bone cancer.)
Notre Dame AD Jack Swarbrick shows off his flair for bland but simultaneously inaccurate rhetoric in describing the matchup on more than just a football level:
Playing Miami is appealing, Swarbrick said, because “they are two great academic institutions. We’re eager to play schools that share our values. There’s a lot of great history around the games.”
We weren’t aware of Notre Dame’s declared love for chunky asses and teetering donks, and was equally ignorant of Miami’s fondness for cold weather and overpaying coaches. There’s no set date on it yet, but talks will resume in April to figure out which slots in Notre Dame’s remaining contract with NBC–good through 2015!–can accommodate the game. If it features anything like converting 3rd and 43 from your own goalline, it will be worth any trouble you care to go through to make it happen.
Man, this is so rocking. I can feel it. It’s all turning around now. We won the Hawaii Bowl. We got another recruiting class. I can wear real belts after a good spell of dieting. The sun’s shining Charlie. It’s shining like a big yellow jellybean on you. And now you’re on stage with Bon Jovi.
This is so awesome. I get to sing this part. It’s the Richie Sambora part.
WAAAAAANTEEEEEEDDDD!!!!
Now we’ve got ‘em moving. Get the expectations up to a realistic level. Nobody on my ass about winning a national title. Yup, Charlie: nine games. That’s what they can get. No Beano Cook blowing up the place looking for a crystal football hidden somewhere up my ass. Man, Charlie. It was looking pretty dim there for a while. Pretty dim. You lost to Chan Gailey, man. But here you are, rocking out with Bon Jovi on stage and…
Bill Belichick: You really should start talking back to him, Charlie. I’ve gotten some of my best blitz packages from a talking monkey-dragon named Hlobar.
Charlie Weis: Oh yeah?
Bill Belichick: Yeah. Ask Kurt Warner if Hlobar’s for real. Been with me since Cleveland. Best thing that ever happened to me. Isn’t that right buddy?
By their count, the Irish have lost three coaches, gained five, and shuffled the positions of another five. And brace yourselves—Pear Bryant has crowned himself OC for the coming season.
“I thought the best chance for us to win this year would be to make me the offensive coordinator,” Weis said. “What that’s done, though, is it’s caused a trickle-down effect in configuration of our staff.”
The promotions also make it possible for Weis to coach from the press box while Brown runs the sidelines if they decide to explore that option.
Fan of college football in general, rejoice. This is a gift rife with potential. After all, everything went so very swimmingly for the Irish last year when Weis decided to take more of an active hand in playcalling. (”But Hawaii—” No. No crowing over waxing a team that managed a 7-7 finish with a WAC schedule.) And fear not—if it doesn’t work out, he can always blame his wife.
We would like to announce that in addition to signing Drinky Crow, we also have received a fax from promising billiards athlete Been Had Money.
Trent Richardson won’t announce for another half-hour or so, but do not let that stop us from surveying the landscape of smoking fax machines in that oh-so-original of ways, a cleverly coded winners/losers list.
BEEN HAD MONEY: Michigan, who took Denard Robinson at “athlete,” which in the spread option usually means “quarterback,” and who picked up key pieces from points south. Rodriguez recruited AustralAmerica well, though they did lose out on Pearlie Graves, a name we would strangle a wilderbeest to have on our team.
ALSO BEEN HAD MONEY: UCLA, who may not have had USC’s class overall, but who scored crucial points by getting OL Xavier Su’a-Filo and a solid class in the heart of the Carroll Co-Prosperity Sphere.
BEEN HAD MONEY (AND BACON-FLAVORED POI): Notre Dame. (more…)
IN A WORLD OF SUN AND FUN…ALL CHARLIE WANTED WAS TO GET AWAY.
“A little sun in the folds. That’s all I need. Away from the sleet and the mail bombs and Clausen’s INT-to-TD ratio, on my way to a place where they deep fry whole fucking pigs for my pleasure. That’s the ticket.”
LSUFreek wishes all of you a happy holidays, especially you, Notre Dame fans, who must console yourselves with the Hawaii Bowl and the sweet relief of junk…food.
It almost gets poignant around the 1:30 mark, doesn’t it? Well, we said almost.
Tommy Kilborn wants some change he can believe in.
Notre Dame alum and recent graduate Tommy Kilborn gives his two cents on the Notre Dame Coaching Situation. Take it away, Tommy!
Hello, EDSBSers. Tommy Kilborn, Notre Dame graduate and current hard-working young man, has been asked to give his two cents on the current Notre Dame coaching situation. Well, I’d tell you I was too busy to do just such a thing, what with my job with my high-powered finance job I got right out of Notre Dame making six figures. Go, networking!
Unfortunately, I made many trades involving a certain undervalued and unfairly besmirched sector of the market that I believe will eventually make a fine comeback. Just like my beloved Notre Dame Fighting Irish football team, who have now reached a defining moment in their esteemed history in the fourth season under Charlie Weis, will make a comeback to reclaim their rightful spot as America’s college football team.
It hurts to say this. It hurt to say this when they fired Ty Willingham, a good man and a decent man who could not coach good football if the fate of our world depended on his team getting a first down. I voted for Obama, so I can write this. (Actually, I’m just kidding. I vote for John McCain and Sarah Palin. I liked her spunk, and I’m a Republican.)
I said as much when the time came on that fateful day four years ago: (more…)
Too often, I waste column inches blasting Charlie Weis, Notre Dame and the lifetime contract awarded to an unproven blowhard. I never take the time to point out the good side of “Pear Bryant.”
Clapping in three-hundred and sixty degrees, sir. Yes, he admits he got if from a reader, but it’s still a fine bit of verbiage to be treasured and held aloft like a prize trout. As disrespectful as the nickname may be, consider that Whitlock at least does Weis the honor of spelling his name correctly, which doesn’t always happen. It’s W-e-i-s, and for fun you should IM your Notre Dame friends during the Navy game Saturday, where a good extra “s” on the end of it should send their already fragile psyches into a catatonic tailspin.
With Holly on the road, our pick-off will be less sushi and more suedehead this week with the appearance of special guest pick-off artist and college football aficionado Morrissey.
Hello. I’m sad, but in a semi-ironic way. Let’s talk football.
Texas Tech @ Kansas
ORSON, QUASI-RATIONAL.Texas Tech. Based solely on the notion that Kansas’ attack is too loaded on Todd Reesing, making them the kind of team that thus far battles heroically against larger competition only to fall short by respectable but nevertheless losing margins. Tech in an all-in match with large piles of metaphorical pointschips.
MORRISSEY, MOROSE. Kansas.
Fat man, you put a flower on
To go down to the fair with your girl
The sight of both of you is enough to make a boy cryyyyyyyiiiieee….
Hi. You know who I am. This thumb’s for you, Colt McCoy, because you’re a champion who takes my breath away and turns in slow motion away from onrushing defenders bent on crushing you. You took the highway to the danger zone but took the exit toward Victory Lane, and for that I’m buzzing your tower and oiling myself up for a one-on-one volleyball game. You’re invited.
No more playing with the boys, Colt: just you and me, a Colt and a Maverick out in the field doing what animals do. I’m bringing this thumb. Let’s role play: this time, you be Sam Bradford, and I’ll be Brian Orakpo and Sergio Kindle.
This is your open thread for the afternoon. We don’t judge you, whatever you’d like to do with or to Colt McCoy and the rest of the magnificent Texas Longhorns, who played the finest game of the year thus far against the Oklahoma Sooners. Boom. Motherfucker.
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Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
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Tommy Kilborn wants some change he can believe in.
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