quiet part of the song, ticking drum machines, one lonely keyboard, pointless scritching of a DJ in the back

so much lies beneath the surface
in my abyss
consuming me
dragging me down to the bottom

because nothing i do is
good enough for u
i’m falling short and stumbling
falling short because i couldn’t please youuuuuuu

Rappin’ verse guy:

Every day
Coach took away
His right to play
Couldn’t stand to face the day

Carter: But now I’m baaaaaaccckk… (more…)

We WILL be liveblogging this game at 7:30 p.m. Join us then and taste the chaos of an EDSBS liveblog of a middling between an inconsistent but talented team and an inconsistent and untalented team. Adventure has a thousand flavors!

Welcome to our Factor Five Five Factor Preview Colorado at West Virginia. The Factor Five Five Factor Preview examines the necessaries and completely arbitraries of the official beginning of your weekend, the Thursday Night special. This week’s special puts the “special” in Thursday Night Special, because Colorado is playing, and as part of their continued sponsorship of slow kids who like to play football, they will lose this game by a substantial margin.

Enjoy.

Category one: Nebulous Statistical Comparisons of Dubious Validity. Colorado’s defensive numbers, presented as one would show slides of a murder, cakewreck, or explicit slides of cheap hotel infidelity in a divorce trial: (more…)

Oh, you’ve done it now: Sam Bradford will not start against Miami, yielding the way for Landry Jones to step forward, unleash mustache hell on the Hurricanes, and then triumphantly ride his President Camacho motortrike to South Beach for a case of Busch Light and a six pack of ladies to finish the night off right.

Wassup, ’scro. Don’t be a pussy and pass me a beer.

No, leave the Dragonball-Z and Pokemon posters on the wall behind you in your smack-talking video to Miami fans. They’ll be too distracted by your blazing commentary and the acid burn of your caustic LAUGH OF DEEP KNOWING SARCASM, right?

No? (more…)

Mike Leach has issued an edict that the crew of the Red Raider shall not, under any circumstances at all, tweet. This follows the linebacker and leading tackler Marlon Williams tweeting about Leach not being on time, which is definitely not the way to tweet about you coach. Williams would probably still have a Twitter page if he’d taken the Pete Carroll Tweeting Forever: Living Like a Champion in 140 Characters or Less pamphlet to heart (a publication with 140 character chapters, of course.)

Or he could have done something like this if he was going to tweet about his coach:

Now that Leach and his pirate navy of grad assistants have blockaded his players from Tweeting, we won’t find out the fate of Brandon Carter from his Twitter feed, which also disappeared after Carter posted about his dissatisfaction with the beginning of the season. Carter posted he was suspended, a suspension confirmed by Mike Leach in terms so icy a hitman might cringe at them:

Asked how much the offensive line will miss Carter, Leach said, “Not at all.”

Don’t fall off the side of the boat, Red Raider. Ships don’t have brakes, and it’s a long way to swim to Aruba if you’re tossed off the side “accidentally.”

Every Wednesday Chris Brown from Smart Football lowers his IQ by hanging out here and deconstructing the football issues of the day. This week’s fox, hunted down via Twitter: What the hell are Houston and Texas Tech going to throw at each other in this week’s most likely candidate for betting the over successfully? Submit your questions to Chris via the EDSBS Twitter account, twitter.com/edsbs. Enjoy.

The detestable Mr. Leach will run the same play until you stop it, sir.

If actions speak louder than words, then the biggest proponent of Mike Leach’s Airraid offense might be the Bob Stoops coaching tree. While defensive coordinator at the University of Florida, Bob Stoops said there was only one school in the SEC that he truly felt he had a difficult time defending, in a way not at all commensurate with the relative talent between that school and his: The Hal Mumme led Kentucky Wildcats. When Oklahoma hired him to be its head coach, he hired Mumme’s offensive coordinator, some guy named Mike Leach.

Leach left after a season at Oklahoma to become the head coach at Texas Tech, and so, from 2000 on, Leach and Stoops have faced each other every year; OU’s defensive coaches have up-close and personal experience with Leach’s offense. (more…)

If it can’t be explained in five minutes with Paintbrush and graphics found on the internet, it cannot be known. This week’s question comes courtesy of…

Adam Rittenberg of ESPN, the resident Big Ten blogger, wonders why Ohio State gets the national Cleveland Steamer treatment for their performance in big games while Oklahoma receives little of the same treatment for their even worse performance record in big games, a bias reflected in this week’s polls and their inequal treatment of both teams.

But another national powerhouse deserves the same treatment. Another big-name has been just as disappointing in big games, if not worse. And yet that team continues to escape the hate. Meet the Oklahoma Sooners. They’re apparently made out of Teflon.

Untrue. This has nothing to do with anyone’s dislike of Tressel, or a curious anti-Buckeye slant to national coverage. As usual, this can be explained with some handy statistics and the visual scalpel wielded by truth itself on our planet, MS Paint. (Or as seen here, Mac Paintbrush. Same thing, more pompous platform.)

This is the United States. Most people live on the coasts, as indicated by the extremely scientific arrows.

There are more eyeballs toward the coasts, and thus more people to see your failures, document them, and mock you for them when they happen. Oklahoma has a far more impressive resume in the department of championship fail, and mimics OU’s pattern of winning their conference, getting to a BCS bowl, and then depositing a shovelful of ass vindaloo into their collective shorts on national television.

Why the especially harsh rhetoric towards Ohio State? (more…)

School: Oklahoma. Not the first school you might think of when you consider the topic of rap music, but not without its moments in the history of the genre.

Theme: Boomer, the OU mascot, falls asleep in the library and has a fantasy about the ice cream paint job applied to the Sooner Schooner. This is entirely plausible for several reasons. First, a covered wagon is still used as a form of transportation in many hamlets and villages in Oklahoma, and would thus be coveted by both people and the horses residents let ride in the front seats. Second, sleeping in the libraries in Norman has been a tradition ever since the days of Barry Switzer, who would send his starting lineup to sleep there in lieu of playing a futile second half against an opponent they’d already beaten by fifty in a half.

It’s the little things, really: The “ice cream” gesture the dancers make; the literal “check” mark the Rufneks and Boomer make on a yellow legal pad during the verse’s checklist; the rim hung off Boomer’s neck like a Flavor Flav clock-alace. We also never noticed before what beautiful blue eyes Boomer has. He’s like the Alexander Skarsgard of mascots, only with hooves.

Points deducted for: Boomer being a traitor to his species by driving two horses at the reins of the wagon. Bad form, really. Additional points removed for covering up those entrancing baby blues, too. They’re really Boomer’s best feature.

Overall rating: 8/10. Well done, Sooners. If this gets big enough the streets of Norman will be flooded with donked-out Conestoga Wagons. (Well, you know. More than usual.)

The Ginger Ninja has flu-like symptoms, according to Mark Schlabach, whose bond ratings re: Bulldog sources and info are A++ locktight awesome and solid. It’s not clear whether he traveled with the team, or whether he began sprouting unusually thick back hairs, having a lot more sex with his girlfriend, and breaking rubes’ arms in arm-wrestling matches in seedy bars. Ah, fun with typos. You never disappoint an English major.

The Ginger Ninja confuses enemies with explosive powders and cold, clammy sweats, though! When Joe Cox savages Oklahoma State’s secondary on Saturday night and steals the sacred scroll Mike Gundy gets his crazed rage from, you’ll know he’s struck again with his mighty plague-chuks. The obvious answer to his absence from the team plane on the way to Stillwater? He was there, but you couldn’t see him, because ninjas are invisible, especially Ginger Ninjas, who are close to transparent to start with, after all.