Now, we can’t imagine a more perfect picture of feminine strength, vulnerability and power than this picture of Monica Jaramillo. Look at her: pensive, guarded yet curious, not starved within a few days of death, unbleached, unaltered, her beauty allowed simply to speak for itself. See, that’s what we’re talking about here: respecting a woman’s dignity and sexuality simultaneously aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive, men. You can appreciate beauty without all the leering, the catcalling, the denigration of our sisters in life. Do you really need bunda to get through the day, the callous excision of the soul and personality of a woman focused in one exploitative picture of a single commodified body part? Do you need to continue to enslave women with your eyes four thousand pixels at a time, brothers?

Um, yes? You do? Oh, well certainly then. Bunda after the jump, which as always is not work advisable.

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Thanks to Latin Rapper.com for your Friday cheesecake. Enjoy your weekend, something we said yesterday because we really did lose track of the day. Your benefit, though, since this makes twice the cheesecake for the week, though nothing can really compares to yesterday’s haul. (Competing with Brazil in bunda is like competing with Russia in money laundering. You’re really just playing for second place all along.)

Now, for real: enjoy your weekend. Don’t give up–you’ve got a reason to live without football. And that reason is signing day! After that, it’s everybody for themselves like we’re all in 28 Days Later.

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…is over at the Sporting Blog, thus forcing you to click there. Ha-ha! Asshole media synergy strikes! You can also check out our latest column over there, which is about how nothing changes in football until the Pac-10 and Big Ten get paid.

However, as an apology for being a media whore, we offer Brazilian bunda of the highest quality. Do not look at this on your Blackberry while driving, because you’ll crash, then the cop will come to investigate, then he’ll start looking at it, then other people will start pulling over to take a look, and pretty soon we’re all drooling on the side of the road watching traffic pile up and not caring at all, so taken are we by the magical bunda.

Please: enjoy! And note that while there is no nudity, there is a picture of a woman with a very large but well-shaped ass in a thong, which is not exactly work-prudent if work-safe. So click after the jump with discretion, and enjoy your weekend.

Not bunda. Keep going.

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I win and I get…fruit? What the fuck is this shit?

We’re still a bit dazed from watching two teams labeled WARNING! DEFENSIVE CONTENT! last night. A snap pick and return on a lamely thrown curl route? A safety making a pick? Contested interior blocking? A combined over/under below fifty? We did not come screaming on fire to this planet to write a blog called Every Day Should Be Sunday, sirs and madams!

Fortunately, after a mid-game conversation with SMQ, our admiration/shock at the amount of defense played waned a bit as we also realized that neither offense in the game really offered any great shakes either. A few notes:

One: Virginia Tech’s traitorous offense. And has for a long time. We understand the pound the rock, kill the clock philosophy, and how well it meshes with the defense, the special teams blah blah blah…but with eleven minutes left in the game, down 24-14, and the ball in Sean Glennon’s hand, VT only had the defensive half of the formula needed to win the game. It felt like watching clear doom descend over the team–one could almost see it in the droop of shoulders and in the stance of the defense on the sidelines, the defense that for all intents and purposes only allowed seven points. They were waiting for the offense to sell them down the river the whole fourth quarter. They did.

Mmm, love that rodeo tacklin’. In the third quarter all of Virginia Tech’s defenders were glowing with video game bonus. At one point–we think this was Barry Booker–a massive DT grabbed hold of Todd Reesing and fucking German Suplexed him, spinning the qb across his hip and onto the back of his neck with a judo champ’s skill. Last night at one point the announcers debated whether they’d ever seen an academic All-American defensive tackle. We can’t think of one, but we do know one who can pull a wrestling move in the middle of a football play, and that’s kind of awesome, too.

Todd Reesing is plucky. Not overwhelmingly talented–as Mangino just went out and said about his team in the postgame–but plucky and just mobile, tough, and mean enough to keep chains moving and try throws that had NFL scouts breaking out the really, really red markers to write “HIGH RISK” across his profile. He had ten rushes for something like -6 yards, but many of those rushes were the crucial scrambles and keepers that kept chains moving. He looked like the world’s most badass high school QB playing at the college level, which on a defensive team is more than enough.

Two great tastes that taste great together: Sean Glennon’s pocket presents/ Kansas’ d-line. Glennon alternately scrambles his way out of and into trouble–more than any other qb we’ve seen he replicates video game AI qb perfectly, sometimes bouncing around for maddening escapes and first downs, and then just as often stepping directly into a forearm shiver. With Kansas’ line blowing through Tech’s all night, we got to see examples of this all night.

It was enough to make you a little ill.

The Gatorade Defense. There will not be a fat joke here. There will not be a fat joke here. There will…aw, fuck it. There’s totally a fat joke here. They didn’t douse Mangino with Gatorade because he’d swell, because he’d absorb it all, because it would boil off his 214 degree body with visible steam, searing bystanders, they didn’t do it because he’d eat the jug…whatever. It’s a testament both to his control-freaky, no Mr. Nice Guy personality and to his preparation that Mangino actually had some assistant ready to block the Gatorade. Then again, to drag Kansas from football purgatory and into the Orange Bowl, being a controlling dick is most likely a prerequisite for the job.

We’re all out of cheek and can only say that Sofia Vergara is a very, very good-looking woman. That’s probably the effect of our verbal centers shutting down at the sight of her but whatever woman pretty muck look skin look. Enjoy your weekend, and we’ll be back next week with bowl previews, a new editorial format, and several exciting announcements about the expanding media empire that is Swindle Industries.

More after the jump, and enjoy your weekend. (Remember: SFW, but MDNSFWIYHASBCIYH,R?, or most definitely not safe for work if you have a single brain cell in your head, right?)
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What does Friday Cheesecake mean to you?

For Orson, it’s a chance to post all that great ass he covets…

For me? It’s an escape, man…

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It’s not Friday Cheesecake time yet, but I absolutely cannot refresh this page to that face again. Sorry, JHC.

That’s Brasiliera Juliana Paes, our Friday Cheesecake. Isn’t she festive? We hate premature holiday celebration, but we forgive her because she is very attractive. Being very attractive in society will get you many, many things: money, sex, fame, the kindness of strangers, unwanted attention from sexual predators. Life’s not fair like that, especially if you’re unattractive and want the attention of sexual predators. (Hey–we’ve got all the emails of Kissing Suzy Kolber’s staff. We’ll hook you up if that’s what you’re looking for.)

But you do get something back, since being a reader of this blog means that, when we remember, you get tasteful bunda shots of Juliana Paes. So even if you’re not attractive, remember: you can always come here and look at attractive people every now and then. Life’s a push like that sometimes.

More shots follow–SFW, but not really, no? Enjoy. Or don’t, if you don’t like looking at women in bikinis.

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I am harboring a wicked girl-crush on Katee Sackhoff. She plays this cigar-chomping, firewater-swilling, foul-mouthed, enticingly damaged badass (like Tim Riggins, only a hot girl), and she does it on the best show on television (it has killer robots in space; do not argue this point), along with your most recent Mustache Wednesday honoree. There is nothing not to love. More proof after the jump.

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The order of business for the weekend:

1. Not go to Jacksonville thanks to a massive car repair this week. Suddenly, we really do envy the Subcommandante’s sweet ride.

2. Liveblog tomorrow’s games like we need a nerd to punk a nerd. I’m bleeding Fucking A! Be here all day thanks to a robust slate of games and no wife in town to distract us with talking, socializing, or other pesky humanities.

3. Find more cheesecake. Because we need a new theme for the weekly ass. Your submissions for a theme are welcome below, though we tremble at what you may suggest. Decisions will be made in a timely manner as they always are here, meaning sometime in the next 2 to 400 business days.

Until then, we post pictures of athletes in drag for cheesecake. Participate in the democratic process, or suffer more pictures of Darren McFadden in dresses.

Enjoy your weekend! And HUBBA HUBBA check out the lady on the left!

There’s your damn cheesecake.

Von Oy, a little know Spanish surname. Never mind. She’s an honorary Latina for reasons all too apparent to the viewer of this post. Sure, you’ll be mentally scared by seeing someone you remember from The Parkers and Blossom half-naked and sporting an ass the size of a robust jackfruit. But you’ll thank us for it when you see it.

Enjoy. We’ll be back on Sunday with a rare wrap-up post and EDSBS LIVE! at 7:00 p.m. EST.

Click for mo’ betta below. Again, SFW, but not really safe for work, no?
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Guest editor Hannibal Montegna with the weekend in televised mayhem:

Southerns think the world revolves around SEC football every day of the week, and for once, they’re right. Saturday serves up three must-see SEC games that easily dominate their respective time slots: Tennessee-Alabama early, Florida-Kentucky in the afternoon, Auburn-LSU into the night. This is, literally, your long-awaited chance to spend twelve consecutive hours with half of the Southeastern Conference. Just remember: even if you make it through this most gruelling tour of the league, you’ll still be a full two teams behind Jenn Sterger’s half-day record.

Six teams from the same conference in one day? I signed up for a challenge!

TGIF, UNLESS YOU HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN WATCH…

LOUISVILLE at UCONN (8:00 • ESPN)
After losing 17-16 to Virginia last week, the Huskies are one point from a winning record. Louisville is only about sixblown assignments in the secondary away from 6-1. Watch For: Brian Brohm – for all the defensive woes, with his back against the wall at every turn all season, is still the best passer in the country.

SATURDAY – EARLY AFTERNOON: THERE IS A NEW RADIOHEAD ALBUM. FOR FUCKING FREE. DOWNLOAD THAT SHIT BEFORE…

Main Course (SEC Only): TENNESSEE at ALABAMA (12:30 • Lincoln Financial)
CBS apologizes, nation, but golf or kids’ shows or local infomercials or whatever it’s showing at noon Saturday (whatever it is, you won’t find it on the network’s primetime only schedule) is worth more to it than shuttling a pair of announcers down to Tuscaloosa for one of the best secondary rivalries in the SEC (that is, between teams with other primary rivalries, not between their respective defensive backfields. Not that that a slap fight between Simeon Castille and Jonathan Hefney wouldn’t be more interesting than Mr. Popiel or the ubiquitous Orange Clean guy). The immortal Daves get to flub their way through a non-snoozer for a change, their homespun, aggressively lo-def incompetence again enthralling a region; for the rest of the country, the joys of the SEC – that is, endless redneck jokes depressingly reinforced by crowd shots – are reserved for Gameplan subscribers only. Watch For: Spills! Chills! Impending medical bills! From the man who brought you Gainesville ‘05, Baton Rouge ‘05 and Gainesville ‘07: The Reckoning, it’s Erik Ainge on the road!

On the Other Channel…
PENN STATE at INDIANA (Noon • ESPN)
Indiana’s only national appearance will bring out the weepy angles for fallen coach Terry Hoeppner, only amped up by the 5-2 Hoosiers’ emotional quest for a bowl game and the sobering contrast of Zombie Joe across the way, who will never die. Watch For: Indiana quarterback Kellen Lewis, a lankier, more accurate version of Juice Williams: he leads the Hoosiers in rushing while also sporting a 30:13 career TD:INT ratio, even if defenses of Penn State’s caliber have tended to leave him curled up in a defensive ball.

Kellen Lewis: vows to defend precious young brains of Indiana students against rampaging JoPa at all costs.

IOWA at PURDUE (Noon • ESPN2)
Two weeks ago, these two teams’ stocks were rocketing in opposite directions, with the Hawkeyes getting waxed at home by Indiana and Purdue enduring the second half onslaught of Notre Dame’s lone competent offensive outburst of the season. I think that sentence speaks for itself. Watch For: Defenders in the trail position for three straight hours. Iowa looked terrific against Illinois’ option game, which presented little downfield passing threat and failed in the fine zook tradition to line up properly on the one instance it connected on the long ball, but Curtis Painter and Co. offer no such luxuries. On the other side, Purdue’s defense is Purdue’s defense. Also: Pam Ward, natch.

(Aside on Ward. I just want to note that this article from the Washington Post in March praises her dutiful trailblazing in the booth, then includes this line:

One of Ward’s biggest fans is Mike Patrick…

This explains so, so much.)

OKLAHOMA at IOWA STATE (12:30 • FSN)
OU transitions from Texas and Missouri to…Iowa State, which provided fodder for Texas’ second half comeback narrative in a 56-3 smashing in Ames last week. Only five more years to go until ISU celebrates a solid century since its last conference championship, a tie for the 1912 Missouri Valley title. As a grandson of a now-deceased alum who wasn’t even born then, I’ve already RSVP’d: washing my hair that night… Watch For: The best team in the Big 12 against the worst. What could be more exciting?

Provincialism:Texas at Baylor (12:30, Versus), Army at Georgia Tech (Noon, Lincoln Financial), North Dakota State at Minnesota (Noon, Big Ten Network), Northern Illinois at Wisconsin (Noon, Big Ten Network), Central Michigan at Clemson (Noon, ESPNU), Miami, Ohio at Temple (Noon, ESPN Regional/Sports NewYork), Cincinnati at Pittsburgh (Noon, Altitude Sports and Entertainment), Wake Forest at Navy (1:00, CSTV), Grambling at Jackson State (1:00, ESPN Classic)

LATE AFTERNOON - BUSHY. WET. NOT AS FUN AS IT SOUNDS.

Main Course: FLORIDA at KENTUCKY (3:30 • CBS)
Kentucky shouldn’t have to prove anything at this point, really, and even though it probably does for the stubborn minds who still think “Scoreboard: TILT” when they see the Wildcats, this is the worst time for it to do the provin’. Auburn, Florida and LSU can all attest this season: you don’t want a tough game in this league the week after playing in a tight, physical battle of wills. Especially when, like the Wildcats last week and UF Saturday, the opponent’s had extra days to rest/prepare. Watch For: Tebow vs. Woodson: thoroughbreds in the Bluegrass State. Get it? Seriously, Tebow took Show behind Street Sense in May. He would have won, but he was late out of the gates for anointing a wayward mare with oil after he converted her and delivered her healthy filly after a torturous labor. Little Off Tackle Left is gonna be a champion some day…

On the Other Channel…
MIAMI at FLORIDA STATE / MICHIGAN STATE at OHIO STATE / CALIFORNIA at UCLA / TEXAS TECH at MISSOURI (3:30 • ABC/ESPN2)
ABC’s regional option will send most of the country to Michigan State at Ohio State:

Gaze upon your fate.

…and thus will also bear witness to the flashing neon upset bid of the day, brought to you by Allstate and AFLAC, who remind viewers to ignore the other one. Watch For: Javon Ringer, DeSean Jackson, everything about Texas Tech (especially the outrageous line splits) and…and…for the first time in my life, I can’t think of a reason to watch FSU and Miami. The East Coast always gets screwed with the ACC matchup.

SOUTHERN CAL at NOTRE DAME (3:30 • NBC)
By all rights, USC should win this game by at least nine touchdowns on its worst day, in the rainiest, most unkempt field conditions, with any of its blue chip golden children playing quarterback. The fact that I don’t have any confidence in the Trojans to win this by more than, say, 17 points is an indictment to just how lackluster they’ve been. Watch For: Grass so tall, bushy and wet, USC’s entire team will wonder how Paris Hilton ever managed to get inside a Catholic facility. Also: I’m so legitimately down on SC, it feels like it’s time for one of those “Magical Afternoons” every bad team gets against a good one. That’s not a “winning afternoon,” mind you, but it is probably an interesting one. For a while, anyway.

Provincialism: Wyoming at Air Force (2:00, Mtn), Mississippi State at West Virginia (3:30, Sports New York/ESPN Regional), Georgia Southern at Appalachian State (4:00, Mid-Atlantic Sports Network), Buffalo at Syracuse (3:30, ESPNU), NC State at East Carolina (4:30, CSTV), Stephen F. Austin at Texas State (4:30, FSN Southwest)

The Wild Card. KANSAS at COLORADO (5:45 • ESPN)
South Florida’s demise from the realm of the unbeaten leaves Kansas as the only true ‘Cinderella’ in the field, but that’s only because five of its six wins have come courtesy of Central Michigan, Southeast Louisian, Toledo, Florida International and Baylor. Colorado beat Oklahoma. This is DIVISION I FOOTBALL, BROTHER! We don’t play Baylor! Actually, Colorado does play Baylor – CU won last week in Waco, 43-23 – but you know what I’m saying: when it comes to Kansas, Mark Mangino is fat. Watch For: The off chance, however infinitismal, that Dan Hawkins challenges Mangino to join him on or in training for his half marathon, or better yet, to race around Folsom Field in lieu of overtime. If soccer can scrap its entire game to launch penalty kicks to decide a winner, college football can send morbidly obese coaches on wind sprints. Makes as much sense as putting the ball on the fucking twenty-five.

HERE COMES THE NIGHT – NO REST FOR THE WEARY.

Miles lunges for the patented “grip ‘n gnaw.” He likes ear.

Main Course: AUBURN at LSU (9:00 • ESPN)
Just like Kentucky, LSU has to be completely spent coming in here, off two straight emotional, draining finishes in consecutive weeks, and just four weeks removed from playing South Carolina in another “Game of the Week” atmosphere – this is the fourth time in five weeks the national spotlight is on Les Miles’ Tigers. Tommy Tuberville has a fantastic record against teams ranked this high, but since winning big in Baton Rouge in 1999 against Gerry DiNardo’s last team, he was 0-2 in Tiger Stadium against Nick Saban’s teams and lost to Les Miles’ first squad in overtime in 2005. Only the latter required a team gynecologist to accompany the quarterback on the trip. Watch For: It’s Auburn-LSU, legislatively mandated in both states to end – with all due controversy, where applicable, pursuant to Amendment 7-3-e, aka the “Hodson Clause” – via the most over-the-top melodrama possible. This is usually one of the five or six best games of the season: the last three have been decided by a combined eight points.

Calling this game: Mike Patrick, who’s a big fan of Pam Ward. And Britney Spears, but mainly Pam Ward.

On the Other Channel…
MICHIGAN at ILLINOIS (8:00 • ABC)
Michigan thinks it’s back after thwacking Purdue in the Wolverines’ venerable Purdue-thwacking tradition, but we don’t really know until we see the allegedly rehabbed M defense get back in the water against the athletic, spread option scheme that’s plagued it for years and drove this season to the brink of oblivion in the first two weeks. And I don’t mean just sticking a couple toes in – that’s what Northwestern and Eastern Michigan were for. Juice Williams and Rashard Mendenhall are real. It’s time to break out the cannonball on that shit. Watch For: It’s one of your last chances to see super hobbit Mike Hart as a collegiate. Appreciate his unstoppable piston leg drive while you still can.

VIRGINIA at MARYLAND (8:00 • ESPN2)
Did you know these two teams are a combined 10-3 with wins over Rutgers and otherwise unbeaten UConn? And they’re 4-1 in the ACC after each hung on to beat Georgia Tech in the game’s dying seconds? And the offenses are ranked 108th and 90th in total yards? You didn’t? Would you like to trade lives? I saw it in a Judge Reinhold movie. Watch For: Both teams appear to be committed to a low-risk, ground-based, defense-and-field position sort of offenses, so, you know, there’s always a chance of cutaways to the cheerleaders.

Provincialism: San Jose State at Fresno State (2:00 PT, Cox Sports Northwest), Eastern Washington at BYU (3:30 MT, Mtn.), Stanford at Arizona (5:00 MT, FSN Arizona), Northern Iowa at Western Illinois (6:30 CT, FSN Midwest), Oregon at Washington (4:00 PT, FSN Northwest), Tulane at SMU(7:00 CT, FSN Southwest), New Mexico at San Diego State (5:30 PT, CSTV)

The order of business for this weekend will be…nothing. Beautiful, sweet nothing. We’re at home, watching football on television like the rest of you. Enjoy what in Atlanta will be the first, sweet, and just a bit nippy weekend of college football.

And you know what? To hell with a theme. In honor of things getting a touch un-blazingly warm around here, we’re posting pictures of Swedish goddess Anita Ekberg because we’re in the mood for a huge, beautiful Nordic goddess with a body declared illegal in 24 countries. She’s not latina, but she is flaca rubio, which can get you damn near anything in Latin America, and damn near perfecto. We can’t pose the nude pics, but they’re out there if you look for them, and they will cause you some of the most exquisite physical pain you’ve ever felt based on visual stimuli alone. Don’t search for them. Nope. Nuh-uh. Wouldn’t want you to do that.

Enjoy your weekend.

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Who says we never do anything for the ladies? Cheesecake’s on the way, but in the meantime, enjoy the only respectable beefcake a man can dole out to women: Charles Bronson in full lover mode in a Japanese ad for a cologne called, appropriately enough…Mandom.

A few observations:

One: Charles is doing what all cosmopolites do in their free time: leaning on a piano spouting bullshit lines without the need for obvious companionship. Because like all men, all he needs to be happy is a meandering piano tune, some cologne, and the sweet oblivion of the night.

Two: for a second, Chuck appears to be deciding whether to say goodnight to the blissed-out doorman or to shoot him with the revolver you know he has in his shoulder holster. In fact, we’re guessing the reason he tears ass out of the club in his huge Caddy is that he’s just had the same dilemma when bidding adieu to the piano player. Chuck totally shot him for being a punk and playing some mincing little Cole Porter number.

Three: Chuck does what we all do when we get home: pick out a pipe from the rack, take only our shirt off, and prance around while splashing a good three gallons of cologne on ourselves. It’s a veritable cologneakakke. The cologne also burns, but he’s Chuck Bronson. It merely tickles his calloused hide.

Four: Jesus, he’s ripped. Bronson, according to his bio, mined coal at the age of 11. Well, if the soul-crushing misery of coal-country penury can’t give you much, it can make you the buffest 50 year old ever to walk the planet. The gunshot noises and whinnying horse noises you hear? Those aren’t added in by a Foley artist. That’s actually what sounded each time Charles Bronson put on cologne. When we do the same, you can hear the noise of fey men slapping each other with white gloves and the sound of a guinea pig whooping in the background.

We don’t want to let USF get overshadowed this evening by giving you a paltry Cheesecake serving centered on West Virginia… To that end, we offer you Alesha Marie Oreskovich. Playboy pinup and former USF Bull. Be careful googling her. We did, however, find a few SFW shots.

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