We rarely pre-empt the Curious Index. Today, there is a reason. Read on, because Holly found something majestic.
Raise ya glasses, shake ya asses, Vol Nation: For unto us is given this day that greatest of football blogosphere treasures—a Catlab masterpiece of our very own. It’s like staring into the sun, but it’ll get you drunk. Behold:
Have you ever seen anything ring so true? I’m about 85% sure the guy holding the pennant is my cousin Maxie. Had this wondrous creation hatched just a scant few days earlier, we would’ve been hard-pressed not to scrap the Tennessee list entirely—because this is, perfectly encapsulated, what Orange And White People Like.
Two: People love making the same mistakes over and over again,especially in the NFL Draft, as we point out in the SN this week. Tim Te-blow! Oh, how droll!
Four: This was on the Wiz this morning, and taken by Shane Durrance: a photo of the tornado that hit the Georgia Dome while we were in it. Go to his site for the big one.
As part of our ongoing ripoff of SWPL called “Stuff ____ and _______ People Like,” the EDSBS Staff presents “Stuff Orange and White People Like,” an analysis of things Tennessee Volunteer fans like. Enjoy.
Pitchforks and torches. A nine-win season is cause for satisfaction elsewhere in D-I, but in the SEC and Knoxville in particular, it’s a blight. Any win total under double digits lights up the AM radio dial with orange faithful ready to gut their coach like a catfish of astonishing proportions. Going 5-6 in 2005 brought, concurrently and consecutively, collective apoplexy and vows of silence—they still can’t talk about it. Bring up The Season Of Which We Do Not Speak to a Tennessee fan and his eyes will glaze over in rage or incomprehension. Either way, Does Not Compute.
Orson’s note: Wonder who those people in Frankenstein who, when confronted with a problem, immediately rush to get a.) an impaling instrument, and b.) fire? For any problem? Tennessee fans, that’s who. They’re threatening Frankenstein because, with some time in the weight room, he could be the next John Henderson, but noooooo, he wants to kidnap maidens and accidentally drown little girls in lakes all day like a bad monster.
John Henderson rocks fat titties all day, by the way, despite playing for a team we despise. “BLOOD MAKES THE GRASS GROW!” comes from his sideline rantings in college, and he also did this, which is now how we wake up every morning.
We do it just like that. Except the wife does it with a padded white glove, and she does it softly, so as not to knock my exfoliating facial mask off. Sometimes she gets a little too into it, and some of the dust lands on our white oxford shirt! It’s a funny time, the mornings in the Swindle house!
HFCS That’s high fructose corn syrup, friends, and it is a fact of natural law that the highest concentration of HFCS swollen people on the planet reside in Tennessee. (more…)
According to GatorSports.com, Urban Meyer is seeing maturation in his secondary, last seen waving their arms feebly and wailing, covered in flames, at the Capital One Bowl. We will believe this when we see Wondy Pierre-Louis successfully defend himself from a marauding gnat, much less a thrown pass (Brandon Cox, Passing Christ Superstar? Really, Wondy?), but that’s what Urb’s saying at least.
Yoo-hoo! Mr. QB! Right here! Throw it here!
UF coach Urban Meyer said one of the reasons for the defense’s turnaround this spring has been the maturity of his players and lack of what Meyer likes to call the “dope look,” or that confused look that young players are notorious for.
“Confused looks lead to bad players, bad teams, bad defense, bad offense, and I’m starting to see that disappear a little bit on defense,” Meyer said.
“Disappear a little bit?” There’s hope in that phrase, babeee! It’s dripping with optimism. So you’re saying there’s a chance of us us having a secondary next year? That little happy skylark following me around? You put it there, Urban, all by yourself.
If you can’t watch the video yourself due to work-based productivity fascism, here’s the summary: Emmanuel Moody, still surprisingly behind in learning the offense; Chris Rainey, woo!; more double-tight end sets next year thanks to Hernandez and Ingram making strides; Harvin’s heel, iffy for the moment; Carlos Dunlap, blockwreckah on the d-line.
Hey, Florida’s spring practice starts today. Were you aware that Urban Meyer’s looking for cornerbacks? If you didn’t watch Chad Henne play Bomberman in the Outback Capital One Bowl, perhaps you could just look at the final pass defense rankings for 2007: 98th in the nation against the pass, meaning we might have been better off at corner by blitzing nine every play and eliminating this pesky “corner” position altogether.
Yeah, sure guys. Stand around. Watch the clouds race across the sky. It’s all too beautiful!
There’s also the look for this elusive “tailback,” but it’s good to see Robbie Andreu and the others at the Sun chiming in with our initial caveman reactions watching last year’s practices pre-injury: Mon Williams, a darting but mean-running back who missed last year’s practices with a torn ACL, may beat USC transfer Emanuel Moody for the starting job. It’s entirely possible: Williams looked nasty last spring before getting Frank Gore’d and ceding the job to Kestahn Moore, noted for his generosity towards opposing defenses.
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How will Ryan Perrilloux finish the season?
Complaining about the weakness of his drink at the Baton Rouge Hollywood Casino's $5 blackjack table. (48%, 718 Votes)
Hiding from the federales in a culvert outside of Oaxaca. (18%, 270 Votes)
Running a black market arms/currency exchange in Equatorial Guinea. (12%, 178 Votes)
Tossing his third pick of the game in the Independence Bowl. (11%, 160 Votes)
Standing on the Rose Bowl fifty with a trophy and fists full of fake bills. (11%, 159 Votes)
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Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
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Yoo-hoo! Mr. QB! Right here! Throw it here!
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