COUNTDOWN: 20
“It is the still, small voice that the soul heeds, not the deafening blasts of doom.”
August 8, 2008
July 10, 2008
SING OUT, GENTLE BUCKEYES
In a swift response to the outcry surrounding Ohio State University’s decision to do away with a seniority-based system for allotment of alumni football tickets in favor of a lottery, the school is asking its former students to step into the spotlight. An Ohio State University Alumni Association announced this afternoon that it would be instituting a merit-based system and awarding the vast majority of its available seats for conference games to winners of the Brent Musberger’s Balls Memorial THAAAAH BUCKEEYYYEESSSH Spirit Pageant and Covered Dish Supper, to be held on campus the last week of July. The contest is open to all Ohio State University alumni and members of their immediate family. Below, the frontrunners for all major categories:
Lead Pipe Twirling: Priscilla Abernathy, 10, Upper Arlington
The pageant’s youngest entrant hopes to prove to her father, Dillard, that even lacking the requisite chromosomes she can be the son he told her he always wanted. She wowed judges at last April’s Columbus Cotillion with her deft handling of even the rustiest metal shards.
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