DECONSTRUCTION FUNCTION: SEPTEMBER 6TH, 1980
by Spencer Hall on Feb 9, 2010 12:48 PM EST
0 comments
0 comments | 0 recs
THE CURIOUS INDEX, 2/9/2010
by Spencer Hall on Feb 9, 2010 10:48 AM EST
6 comments
Sgt. Slaughter Getting Good Reviews, Which Is Pretty Much What You Would Expect From an Interim Coach In The Offseason. Sgt. Slaughter, aka Steve Addazio, has been getting excellent reviews from recruiting services, and that's quite nice since they rate your ability to schmooze 18 year olds, and not adjust your offense to the personnel you have DIVE DIVE DIVE DAMN YOU. Urban Meyer returns to coach full-time sometime between now and August, and if not that noise you hear is the splash of our body falling in the nearest body of water off the tallest possible bridge available.
BUT WILL THEY HAVE RO-TEL? The Pac-10's hiring of Kevin Weiberg may signal an interest in creating a conference network, and if you've ever wanted to see Petros Papadakis host his own Greek cooking show in the offseason that is awesome, awesome news for you. The league currently farms out most of its games to Versus on late night, so really creating their own network can't possibly worse than that. Finally, you need Barbasol on board to make it happen, because close shave America, close shave with a woman determined to poison you after your week long disappearance.
THAT'S ANOTHER WAY. Freek has his own opinions on how UCLA and USC differentiate recruits.
THIS SHOULD NOT BE A SHOCK FROM THE FORMER HEAD COACH AT WAKE FOREST. Institutional promotions sometimes work, but watching Jim Caldwell stodgily screw the pooch in the Super Bowl should remind you that coaches don't really change, ever, for any reason, and that somehow the same guy who was mediocre at best at Wake Forest somehow got himself an NFL job, lucked into the spot of being their head coach following the departure of their actual good coach, and voila! Professoinal Cokerdom Achievement Unlocked!
Just another reminder, though, that smart guys usually beat less smart people in a talent-equal situation, an interesting dynamic to transfer to college, where the talent differentials sometimes allow less-than-smart guys with charisma and an ability to recruit to survive longer than they probably should. We're not talking about anyone in particular. Nope. Not at all.
LET'S PUT YOU ON THE FRIES FIRST, AND WORK UP TO EXPO. Steve Kragthorpe is in coaching rehab.
6 comments | 0 recs
Look over here. Doug isn't your man, but you could smell like him if you contribute important questions to our gentleman's column, our offseason project for him since he can't spend all his time giving out the best anti-intuitive picks this side of George Costanza. Topics include: fashion, sex, gambling (the non-sports kind, natch) dating, etiquette, girls, ladies, whores, whores who you want to be a lady, ladies you want to be whores, interior decorating, sailing, motoring, auto repair, PR issues, foreign customs, public health practices, investment tips for the hundredaire class, and life advice in general. Email him at heyjennyslater.blog@gmail.com, both for questions and to mock him for his finishing record of 4-184 this year as our picksmeister. Salut.
CONFIDENCE IS IMPORTANT AND A VITAMIN OF GREAT IMPORTANCE
by Spencer Hall on Feb 8, 2010 6:10 PM EST
15 comments
Les Miles missed on a recruit he should have nabbed, if confidence and horse-sized balls are still the hallmark of the Miles School of Testicular Thinking. Recruit Lynden Trail of Florida, put 'em on the table son and tell us what you think of Florida's recruiting class this year and their expectations.
I know we’ll bring at least 2-3 national championships," Trail said.
There's no job too immense when you've got...CONNNNFIDENCE. God bless 18 year olds. We used to have that kind of gusto. For instance, when we left high school we swore we'd win Florida at least five Quiz Bowl Championships. That was before we started staying up all night playing Sim City and drinking Banana Red Mad Dog 20/20, which is even more cracked than Blue Raspberry because there are at least blue berries in this world, and nothing close to a red banana. Unless you're counting those tiny red plaintains, and you know for damn sure the Red Bull marketing staff didn't know they existed. After the Mad Dog came the nitrous, and then Mario Kart, and then the profligate lost years abroad and waiting tables....
...and fifteen years later WHAMMO you're sitting on your couch writing about high schoolers' casual remarks for a living. So to review: drink Mad Dog, play computer games, and eventually work from home while wearing the same pants for three days straight. How this was supposed to be a cautionary tale is lost to us. Carry on.
(That is from Clambake, Conan O'Brien's favorite Elvis movie and our favorite, as well. At the 3:00 mark everyone drops powerful LSD. At one point Elvis sees imaginary cowboys and indians fighting in stock footage. It is either the best meta-commentary on Elvis in decline made by Clambake's director, or it is the worst musical number ever made. There is also a song about working on a boat. It's total shit and you should watch it now.)
15 comments | 0 recs
OH YES HE DID
Bacarri Rambo and Da'Rick Rogers engage in that nastiest of all scuffles, a Facebook feud. Bacarri is clearly ahead here, because he is not only named "Bacarri" but also "Rambo," and thus an intoxicatingly violent man you do not want do tangle with.
YOU PROBABLY DON'T WANT TO BE THE NUMBER ONE RECRUIT IN THE COUNTRY
by Spencer Hall on Feb 8, 2010 1:56 PM EST
27 comments
Seantrel Henderson, currently waiting out the NCAA'S verdict on USC's impending non-punishment from the NCAA, has a father who makes us feel much better about our prospects as a parent. For instance, our rap career is already solidified as among the internet's finest hypothetical sports-related rap careers, and like Jay-Z sitting atop his pile of money we feel no need to attempt to best our rivals in this department. (We were going to 9/11 'em, but they did it to themselves.)
Sean Henderson, however, is attempting to build a rap career while helping his son pick the next step in his career, meaning going to USC was way, way more appealing to Seantrel's closest advisor than going to Ohio State, Minnesota, or Florida, since none of the three are known for their burgeoning rap scenes. We say this will all due respect to the Sleepy Rappers, who were more representative of a single comet-like flare of genius than the payoff from years of scene-building manifesting itself in the form of single act.
I know, it sucks, but complain to other one-shot geniuses like Three Doors Down, Snow, and Evanescence and see how much sympathy you get. It's a big club. It would help Sean Henderson to note that if he plans on making friends in the music industry, he might not want to talk shit about them in public unless he plans on starting a beef, since he's already trashed Jim Tressel as being "boring" in public despite the fact that the man was kind enough to visit, offer a scholarship, and even take his shoes off in our house, sir.
Mark our words: JT Smoove don't take this kind of disrespect lyin' down. That's your momma's job, and Jim done finished that about twice last night before letting the rest of the train take over. (Krenzel up in that, oh best belee K-Renz up in that like a quarterback draw.) When you diss Tress you diss yourself, and you'll be screaming for mercy by the time he sends Black Jim Tressel to show you some style by putting his priceless Italian loafers up that ass.
27 comments | 0 recs
FSU VACATES WINS, PUNISHES NOTHING AND NO ONE
by Spencer Hall on Feb 8, 2010 12:09 PM EST
7 comments
Tomahawk Nation touches on the most damning part of the Florida State Seminoles' attempt to fight the vacation of wins due to academic finagling in a music appreciation class taken by scores of athletes on multiple varsity sports teams: Florida State was given the option of vacating those wins in a wrist-slappy move, denied the generous offer, spent over six figures defending the case, and still lost anyway and had to vacate the wins. When the NCAA admits that they're toothless but insists on gumming you anyway, take the gumming. Insanity Wolf has no idea what you were thinking.
So yes, HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH FLOLrida State. It should also be mentioned that vacating the wins does nothing in the football sense but hurt Bobby Bowden's career win total, who as much as we would love to blame for this was so out of it and distanced from the program at this point that casting shame on him for this would be an act of pure, irrational spite against all logic and reason. Looking at the site's prime directives...yes, the official EDSBS stance on this is that it was all Bobby Bowden's fault, and he deserves all the blame.
On a larger note, the NCAA's reason for existing becomes even more nebulous. As far as we know, the NCAA hands out large sanctions to tiny programs committing infractions defined by charter rules, collects large dollars for running a huge basketball tournament, and keeps a pretty handy stats page for NCAA football. Much as we'd like to pay an organization hundreds of millions of dollars a year to do this, there are probably more efficient ways to do this, much less ones that involve an organization with actual powers of sanction.
(Then again: if the NCAA merely represents the will of its members to regulate themselves, then there is zero will to regulate programs who commit violations.)
At this point, though, Florida State doesn't seem to care about the vacations. or about the permanent vacation Bowden has taken.
7 comments | 0 recs
THE CURIOUS INDEX, 2/8/2010
by Spencer Hall on Feb 8, 2010 10:19 AM EST
17 comments
Congratulations to New Orleans Saint Bobby McCray, who has one more Super Bowl ring than Chris Rix this morning and many more NFL paychecks after last night's Super Bowl. To ride the full circuit of Super Bowl narrative self-correction: blissful at the idea of NOLA winning, realization that it is not your team and that the New Orleans redemption storyline is crap, but that it's a very good thing anyway, and yeah go ahead and be happy since no other single place has such a firm grasp on the emotional shorthairs than New Orleans--not even home, really. Ignatius Reilly would not understand any of this, but he would have a beer with his mother in the midst of the revelry and note its similarity to early Christian festivals in medieval Europe, and ask the gentleman behind him to refrain from spilling his beverage on his overcoat.
Our favorite part was the part where Tim Tebow walked out in his underwear, punched a panda, and then told him Mom women were to blame for all his problems. The Tebow commercial had so many highlights that it's hard to pick one: maybe the part with all the white background, or the part with the hug, or the...wait. That was the entire commercial, and was no big deal since it was just a simple Trojan Horse pointing you to the internet, which you're on anyway. We can now return to the important things like calling his throwing motion a frittata, suggesting he believes Jesus rode dinosaurs, and saying that we love him despite all these things because a.) he was awesome at Florida, and b.) we like college quarterbacks to win games for our college football team, and really could care less about how their future endeavors impact the past glories of our football team because they don't.
Yeah, he mad. The best things we've seen glorying in Manningface this morning. Not that it's an unusual thing, really.
The caption on that is the best: "Peyton Manning completes a beautiful 88 yard TD pass to Tony George." Every week is Hate Week when you're a college football fan, sirs and madams, and lack of exercise makes the muscles of the spite chain atrophy. Exercise them regularly for best results.
Corey Lemonier is quite the pirate. Yarr! Avast ye, piratical Auburn signee!
Corey Lemonier should probably think a bit more about the kinds of pictures he puts on Facebook, even if he doesn't own all those guns and has a legal right to own them. However, if he is going to get into trouble with one in the future, please let it be with the flintlock pistol, or better yet an unseen blunderbuss with a foot-wide powder pan that fires a hunk of old ballast crammed into its barrel. It would make Mike Leach so very happy that way.
Our defensive staff could be more naked and hung than it was previously. If the departure of Charlie Strong and his boundless masculinity troubles Florida fans, rest assured that the potential hiring of former Notre Dame assistant Corwin Brown as the new defensive coordinator would improve the "dudes who'll strut it naked and proud" quotient of our coaching staff by a furlong or two. Dan McCarney already does this all the time, too, but he clearly needs company.
17 comments | 0 recs
Secondary Sidebar
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
Recent FanPosts
FanShots
Quick hits of video, photos, quotes, chats, links and lists that you find around the web.
Recent FanShots
Certain photos copyright © 2010 by Associated Press or Getty Images. Any commercial use or distribution without the express written consent of Associated Press and Getty Images is strictly prohibited.
