NICK SABAN LOOKS AWESOME IN A BOAT

Kevin C. Cox

THAT'S THE WHOLE THESIS. HE LOOKS JUST LOOKS FANTASTIC AT SEA.

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We have mocked the man's football, style, and lack of height. We have derided his team as the worst manifestation of soulless mecha-football, pro-style drones programmed to drain all joy out of the game of college football. We have made fun of how much he is paid, both because we hate people with more money than us, and also because he is paid truckloads of cash to coach a child's game in a state with abominable quality of life indicators. We have made fun of him trying to win a game with a field goal, and then losing that game on a returned field goal attempt in crushing, unprecedented fashion.

(Note: we will never, ever stop making fun of Nick Saban and Alabama for that, ever. Hi, take this pre-emptively.)

What we cannot take away from him, ever: that man looks fucking awesome on a boat. Just look at him.

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We thought about going full Heart of Darkness or Captain Queeg on him here, but the image disables all attempts to satirize because...well, after all these years, we think we've found the one thing that makes Nick Saban not just un-miserable, but happy: tearing ass out on the lake in a kickass boat with the wind in his hair. There's your happy place, Nick. Go to it when you need it, buddy.* We'll meet you halfway.

*When Gus Malzahn's running some triflin'-ass hurry-up high school shit for 400 yards on your defense, for example.

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