THE B1G DIGITAL EXPERIENCE - A SNEAK PREVIEW

Boris Streubel

DARREN ROVELL DID NOT HELP WITH THIS REPORT

Exciting! But what kind of exhibits will the Big Ten Experience have? #EXCLUSIVE #MUST #CREDIT #EDSBS

MARK DANTONIO TEACHES YOU TO CODE - Reservations required for this two-day experience, in which Coach Dantonio takes visitors out on a boat and teaches them Morse and close quarters combat.

MICROSOFT PURDUE - A word processor program, but the keyboard only has 17 letters and spell check corrects the word "touchdown" to "turnover on downs." You cannot turn this feature off because the wireless mouse batteries are perpetually dead.

RUTGERSVAC - It's not just the birthplace of college football - Rutgers also gave us the first college football computer! Visitors will have the opportunity to walk through this room-sized superprocessor and examine the punch-card system by which coaches could input commands like "THROW THIRD DOWN PASS SHORT OF LINE TO GAIN" or "LOSE ALL RECRUITS" or "BEAT ARKANSAS/LOSE TO UCONN IN SAME YEAR."

MYCHIGAN - It's Myst, except the books just lead you to a largely unfulfilling career as a financial analyst in Chicago.

TIOWA-85 CALCULATOR - Avaliable in the gift shop, this handsomely designed graphing calculator returns a value of 4,000,000 no matter what equation you input. It also comes preloaded with Drug Wars, where you can enter the dangerous and exciting world of an illegal statin dealer.

KISSCONSIN - A rock and roll virtual reality adventure in which you help save Ace Frehley and Peter Criss from the evil clutches of NC State. (Gene Simmons does not appear because Gene Simmons demanded three million dollars.)

SIMSHITTY - In this State College city simulator, a tornado destroys the town and it's your job to deal with a population that wants to sue the atmosphere and rebuild everything out of statues.

A CLOCKWORK ORANGE - See how long you can sit in a room and watch the entirety of 2013 Illinois Football slowed down to one-fifth speed before pressing the "Unleash Anarchy" button next to the screen. Current record: 6.7 seconds!

GOPHER BROKE - Specially designed for younger visitors, this Memory-style touchscreen game gives you thirty seconds to find oh god all the cards are Glen Mason's face you monsters

TERRAPINTEREST - A live curation experiment featuring images of University of Maryland life specializing in user-submitted pornography and images of sweatshirts stuffed into urinals

THE SILK BROAD - An underground Ohio State message board/ecstasy distribution channel. The only currency accepted is Fitcoin (a fitted worn backwards at a family event).

SUPER INDIANA FOOTBALL 64 - Just an old copy of Double Dribble sitting in a laundry basket.

BOPELINI DAMACY - Turns out this isn't a game at all and we're calling the Air Force to try and head Bo off before he can roll into Dallas.

WILDCAT FIGHTER - An effective, if not especially flashy, program for making your own greeting cards.

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