THE MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL HAS A THEORY

Mike Ehrmann

CAN'T PROVE IT'S WRONG, HATERS

(sits down at table with breakfast of Sun Drop and jerky)

(opens newspaper stolen from neighbor)

(sees report that Tray Matthews has been dismissed from Georgia's football team)

Typical Bama horsecrap. Can't beat Auburn on the field so they gotta resort to this Svengali nonsense like the cheaters and swindlers they are.

That ain't anti-Semitic. Larry Svengali said he'd bring back my edger and then he moved to Maryland.

I knew something was up when they pushed out Todd Grantham to get that Bammer Jeremy Pruitt. Saban's got spies all over the dang place, workin' hard to keep Auburn from achieving greatness when he can't do the job his dang self. What, I gotta spell it out for you? Fine.

Pruitt starts by gutting the Georgia defense with all sorts of made up "team violations." Now, that could mean anything mind you. Could be he didn't like that they did the crossword in pencil. But he gets as many starters as he can tossed.

That means Auburn's stuck with a permanent SEC East opponent that ain't worth spit, so even if we whoop 'em - and of course we're gonna whoop 'em - that playoff fraudmittee gets to penalize us for having a weak schedule.

AND it means our boys don't get to face a challenge. We're stuck just beating up crummy teams before Iron Bowl and Bama hopes we stumble into Iron Bowl all unprepared and soft.

NCAA gonna do anything about this? Or are they just gonna wait to investigate some new libelous slander about Auburn? I think we both know the answer to that.

Says here Matthews might transfer to Auburn. I think that just proves my point.

He was already in the best position to contribute for Auburn.

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