NO PAY-FOR-PLAY: BEHIND THE NCAA'S SURVEY NUMBERS

Jamie Squire

A GLIMPSE BEHIND THE CURTAIN (THE CURTAIN WILL NOT RECEIVE ANY RECOMPENSE FOR THIS)

As the O'Bannon trial continues, the NCAA has mustered an interesting piece of evidence in its defense: surveys indicating that fewer people would watch college sports if the participating athletes were paid. We wanted to know more about this perspective, so we asked one such survey respondent for his views on compensation in general.

Movies? Hell no. Haven't been to a movie in twenty years. MAYBE I'll see a documentary, but you can't be sure about those. Some of those folks get paid for their appearance, and that just ruins it for me. So I stick to community theater - those folks are performing Pirates of Penzance for the right reasons.

Won't watch TV sitcoms or dramas either, naturally. I do like America's Funniest Home Videos. Not the winning video, though. Who wants to see some jerk who just gets hit in the nuts by a tire swing because he's getting a paycheck for it?

If I go out to eat, it's only at a soup kitchen. Waiters are too entitled.

Had a bad kitchen fire last year. Probably could have saved the house, but the first fire truck that showed up was full of professional firefighters. If you can't get volunteers to help me, I'd rather watch the whole thing burn down, I told 'em. And I did.

Music? Of course I listen to music. Only what's in the public domain, of course - Camptown Races, Put On Your Old Grey Bonnet, Green Grass Grew All Around. Knowing that nobody's making a dime off of the efforts behind the tune really makes it so much sweeter.

Clothing's tough. Finding a shirt that you know for sure was made without someone being paid for the labor gets you a lot of dirty looks in the mall, but I'll settle for something that comes from a terrible sweatshop. I'm not unreasonable, after all.

The zoo is pretty awesome.

Boxing's no good. I'll watch a street fight all day, though. That's the kind of raw passion you only get from amateurism!

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