RANKING OF MICHIGAN-INESS

THIS IS OUR MOUNTAIN NOW.

TAKING A MICHIGAN FLAG TO THE WORLD CUP? MICHIGAN. USING THAT FLAG TO DISCUSS US NEWS AND WORLD REPORT RANKINGS WITH THE LOCALS? MORE MICHIGAN.

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THINGS MORE MICHIGAN-EY THAN TAKING A MICHIGAN FLAG TO A WORLD CUP GAME:

* Taking a Michigan flag to a World Cup game and complaining about the run game. "COTE D'IVOIRE JUST REALLY NEEDS TO POUND THE BALL UP THE MIDDLE. BOY, REMEMBER WHEN WE HAD MOLK AT CENTER? REALLY MOVED THE LINE OF SCRIMMAGE."

* Taking a Michigan flag to a World Cup game and noting how few Ohio State fans are in attendance. "And the ticket prices were so reasonable! Can't understand it. I guess Ohio State fans really lack a sense of the grandeur of the World Cup. I'm not saying that they're uneducated or anything, it's just so sad how few of them 'get' how critical this is to our geopolitical standing. Where are we again?"

* Taking a Michigan flag to a World Cup game and starting a conversation with totally disinterested Japanese soccer fans about Michigan's study-abroad program. "My roommate studied in Nagano! Is that near you? That's in Japan, right? Japan is so cool. Have you seen Cowboy Bebop? I know, it's pretty 'underground.'"

* Taking a Michigan flag to a World Cup game and taking seven thousand selfies holding the Michigan flag with your back to the game, hashtag #goblue #hail #myparentspaidforthistripasarewardforgettingajobatMorganStanley #youshouldSEEmyretirementplan #tonsofishares #lotsofflexibilityinmyportfolio

* Taking a Michigan flag to a World Cup game, and then signing the flag yourself and sending it back to the United States as a gift for your Michigan grad parents who still live in Kalamazoo and have a toilet seat that plays "Hail to the Victors" when raised.

* Taking a Michigan flag to a World Cup game and spending the entire time complaining about Pat Narduzzi. Extra credit if you manage to work in a reference to "The Clock Game" while German tourists desperately try to change seats to get away from you.

* Taking a Michigan flag to a World Cup game and standing during the entire game with your arms folded, waiting for something bad to happen.

* Taking a Michigan flag to a World Cup game and complaining about how the food at the stadium just doesn't live up to Zingermans. "I mean, I guess it's expensive if you don't PRIORITIZE QUALITY, but I do, so..."

* Taking a Michigan flag to a World Cup game and telling everyone in the three sections around you about how you spent 45 minutes today at an orphanage - "it really opened up my eyes to what's really going on out there/the heartbreak of global poverty/we need fair trade/this is why I buy single-origin coffee."

(You are staying at a five-star hotel.)

(In three hours, you will drunkenly ask a Colombian fan where you can get some good coke.)

* Taking a Michigan flag to a World Cup game and trying to get a "Don't Stop Believin'" sing-along going, really emphasizing the "born and raised in south Detroit" part despite a.) there being no such thing as "south Detroit" and b.) that song blowing.

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