THE MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL NEEDS YOUR HELP

James Lang-US PRESSWIRE

LET'S GET THE FALSE WORD OUT

Gosh, it sure does seem quiet in ol' Collegefootballtown these days. Spring games are still wrapping up, sure, and maybe today will be the day Todd Graham decides to write a diss rap about the SEC's eight game schedule, but it just doesn't seem like much is going on, really. It's almost like everyone's hiding in their homes, waiting for some massive wild animal to p-OH GOD IT'S NFL DRAFT WEEK.

There are two ways to approach the Draft as a college football fan. The first is to play the role of knowledgeable truth-teller, trying to correct all those who have misinformed opinions about a player because of a pro day and not, you know, an entire season or more of actual football playing. Noble though this may be, it is an exhausting enterprise, and ultimately fruitless. The NFL types think you can't be as smart as they are; if you were, you'd be an NFL fan first and foremost.

The second approach? WILLFULLY SPREAD DISINFORMATION. I heard Sammy Watkins secretly doesn't like football and wants to be in Cirque du Soleil! Somebody told me Anthony Barr can't read the letter H! Everybody's talking about how Johnny Manziel played the last month of the season with peanutfoot but didn't tell his coaches or teammates don't know if you can draft a player like that!

And so on, because there is literally no bottom to how absurd and irrelevant a piece of information can be for purposes of Draft talk. We've still got three days left to find out what Teddy Bridgewater wrote in his high school yearbook and analyze it to fucking death. "Have A Great Summer," Teddy? FOOTBALL'S A FALL SPORT NOT DRAFT WORTHY AND ALSO HIS HANDWRITTEN KERNING BLOWS.

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