THE MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL STRENUOUSLY OBJECTS

Thananuwat Srirasant

THIS WHOLE INTERNET IS OUT OF ORDER

It is possible, even likely, perhaps, that in your haste last Friday to get out of the office early for the long weekend you missed the news that the O'Bannon case is definitely going to start on June 9. That's less than two weeks from today. It would be irresponsible for us to try and predict what will transpire at that trial. Given that the fear of being wrong has never stopped us before, we feel totally comfortable telling you that the following things will happen:

- Someone will fall asleep. It might be a reporter, or some junior associate, or the judge. But someone will do it, and they will jerk back awake when their head starts to fall too far forward.

- There will be another request to delay the trial, but not based on any legal argument. The phrase "the doctor doesn't know if I'll be able to hear consonants" or "my nephew is getting married in Santorini" or "our office is full of flame-resistant wasps" will be used, and rejected.

- This exchange, or something akin to it, will take place:

ATTORNEY: Did you have a meeting with Mr. Jones that day?
WITNESS: I don't know what you mean by a meeting.
ATTORNEY: Well, did you summon him to your office to discuss this matter?
WITNESS: Certainly not. I don't think I've ever summoned Mr. Jones or anyone else.
ATTORNEY: Ok, let me back up. Did you talk to Mr. Jones that day?
WITNESS: I don't remember.

- Half a trial day will be lost because someone shows up late. "Can't we start without [late person]?" the judge will say. "No, there's just no way we can," the attorney will reply, without even thinking if it's true.

- Somebody's fancy computer-animated presentation will not work, leading to the loss of another half a day of time. It was a stupid presentation anyways.

- Attorneys for the NCAA will not show the entirety of the 2012 Iowa-Iowa State game and say "This? We're supposed to pay people for THIS?" Because they are fools.

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