THE MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL CHOOSES ITS WORDS CAREFULLY

USA TODAY Sports

REALLY FUCKING CAREFULLY

Start at the top of the taxonomy: there are people that curse and people that don't. Put the people that don't to the side for now. That's a choice they're fully entitled to make, but, for our purposes, they do not comprise a relevant group. Having a seat saved in Heaven will need to be enough for now, non-cursers.

The branches on the curser side are many and have a large degree of overlap, and to try and present them exhaustively here would be foolish. But we can still hit some of the major phyla:

- People who curse as a near-involuntary exclamation
- People who curse to indicate happiness/approval
- The Casual Bomber (people who curse for any reason, or no reason at all)
- People who only curse during arguments or conflict

I am most likely a Casual Bomber (sorry, Mom), but Nick Saban doesn't really fit into any of these categories, at least in this video. Granted, if you've watched an Alabama game and can do even the slightest bit of lip-reading, you've seen Saban use some angry cussin' on a player he's upset with. But that's not what this is.

No, Saban here is the Calm But Sincere Cusser, and that is a dying breed. It's the way your grandfather used to cuss out the one guy he hated at the American Legion, or the curse uttered by a ruthless mobster who, three scenes later, says "Well, then I guess we'll just have to kill you" without batting an eyelash. This is how I hope Jill Abramson responded when she found out she wasn't getting a raise.

Anger is not the motivating factor behind this cursing. It's contempt, 99.9% pure and served neat. When his quarterback throws a pick because he didn't make the third read, Nick Saban's angry, because that's a preventable mistake and a waste of a promising opportunity. When a reporter asks Nick Saban a question he doesn't find relevant or thoughtful? There's nothing to be angry about, because Saban doesn't wish the question wasn't asked. He wishes the questioner had never been born.

That's what "kiss my ass" means there.

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