THE MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL HAS A RADICAL PROPOSAL FOR THE HALL OF FAME

Matt Cashore-US PRESSWIRE

YOU WILL PROBABLY HATE IT BUT THAT HAS NEVER STOPPED US BEFORE

The College Football Hall of Fame candidates were announced yesterday, and they include many fine contributors to the game's legacy blah blah blah. Personally, I find Hall of Fame debates to be incredibly tedious; these are the only museums where we argue about the exhibits. (Though it would be awesome if we applied the terms of these debates to other museums. THAT TITIAN ISN'T WORTH PUTTING UP IT'S THE GETTY MUSEUM NOT THE MEH-TY MUSEUM.)

The whole argument about who does and doesn't get is framed in such a negative light. Sure, you were good. Maybe you were even great. But were you the greatest of great greats? We can't just appreciate awesome things for being awesome. So I propose we upend the terms of the debate as follows:

1. Everyone who's been on a college football roster by default goes into the Hall of Fame. Now, we're not going to be delusional about the actual talent or skill of these players. Joe Cox is still Joe Cox; he lost to Kentucky and we should not pretend otherwise. But he played college football, and that's pretty cool on its own merits.

2. We're still discussing the Hall of Fame every year, but it's only to discuss who we're tossing out. Did you get arrested for some shitbag thing like assaulting your girlfriend or stealing some shit from someone else in the dorm? Gone. The Hall now has plenty of people as it is.

3. We also randomly select two Hall of Famers of similar age every year and require them to compete in a decathlon. The winner gets to be Hall King that year. The loser has to work as a docent at the winner's exhibit, explaining to visitors how awesome the Hall King is and how he rules over all that we see.

4. T-shirt cannons. Doesn't matter how they're involved, just get them there.

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