TWITTER CAPERS OF WEST VIRGINIA

Tommy Gilligan-USA TODAY Sports

ALWAYS CHECK TO SEE DM OR PUBLIC, DANGIT

DIRECT MESSAGE, BOB. ALWAYS LOOK TO SEE IF IT SAYS DIRECT MESSAGE OR TWEET. That's Bob Hertzel, by the way, a columnist for the Times West Virginian in Morgantown Fairmont, West Virginia, trying and failing to have a private conversation with WVU's former SID. You can see that, and that means we can all see that, and Bob's now going to have some lovely interactions with Dana Holgorsen at a local casino.

This is endearing in a lot of ways. It shows that columnists really do use the word "clown" seriously in private conversations, and not just as part of columnspeak. It's an older person not using technology well, which is also adorable unless it's your great-uncle trying to use a mini Super Cub blowtorch to scorch the warts off his feet. RIP, Uncle Lee "Wartfoot" Harris. We drove you to your accidental death with our cruel nicknames as much as that gas leak in your house did.

Lastly and most importantly, it gives you just a peek into what you might suspect about West Virginia football at any time, but maybe especially under Dana Holgorsen: that no one knows what's going on, everyone thinks everyone else is beclowning themselves clownishly, and that there's a thousand backchannel backstabbings happening from the governor on down. The usual stuff, we know but at least the governor keeps his DMs in the DM column.*

*The governor of West Virginia is not on Twitter, and only communicates via flying messenger squirrels. They're slow, but so damn cute, even with a touch of rabies makin' 'em all nibbly-like.

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