PAUL CHRYST JUST WANTS YOU TO HIMSELF

Jared Wickerham

LET'S RUN AWAY TO SOUTH AMERICA, PITT

Pitt, you know I think you're amazing.

You do know that, right? Girl, every morning I wake up and thank heaven that I get to coach you. What we have is special, and I would never do anything to jeopardize that. I'm not like those other coaches, looking for the next hot team. This is real, Pitt. I cherish our relationship, and I always will.

So I hope you understand that, when I say I don't want to have a public spring practice with you, it's not because I'm ashamed or embarrassed. Hell, you know I'll stand up in the middle of this Boston Market and shout it to the whole wide world. I COACH PITT. I DO. Nah, girl, it's not like that.

Your flaws? Sweet thing, I love those flaws. Other people think it's unhealthy that you lose to Navy and then beat Notre Dame, but not me. I say that shit is sexy as hell. Those magazines keep saying you're not beautiful because you haven't been ranked in four years. How many of those "experts" have won a Little Caesars Bowl? I know for a fact Cosmo got stomped by Central Michigan in 2006. You are a strong, beautiful football program. Believe that.

I know, I know. You want your mom and all your friends there. You want a big spring game, just like you imagined for yourself growing up. The whole town, decked out in its finest, just to see you - Pitt. But I've just never been comfortable with that. Why shouldn't our love be just for the two of us? Why do we need a bunch of strangers to make our spring legitimate? We don't need their standards for our relationship, girl. We never have.

So much money and time just so other people can say they're part of something that's ours. I can't see the point of it. And wouldn't it be nicer to have a practice all to ourselves? That's TRUE football. That's football that will last a lifetime. Everyone wants the spring game to be something false. A fairy tale. A picture of perfection.

I don't coach this team because it's perfect, girl.

You can look at how many sacks we take if you don't believe me.

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