A MICHIGAN MAN KNOWS A SOBER LOSS IS GREATER THAN A DRUNKEN VICTORY

Gregory Shamus

IT'S NOT THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGIN, SIR.

Dave Brandon wants to be perfectly clear: alcoholic beverages have no place at Michigan Stadium. QUOTE TIME!

"You've got to set up places to vendor this stuff and you've got to make sure you're selling it to the right people, not the wrong people, and then you've got to deal with all the ramifications of alcohol being served in an area where you've got a lot of young people and a lot of underage people." - Dave Brandon, Pizza Teetotaler

And really, who can argue with Brandon on this point? Allowing the sale of intoxicating beverages would turn the clean-cut, sober experience that is a Michigan game into something debauched and odious. Why, we might have sixteen minors arrested or cited for underage possession of alcohol when Notre Dame comes to visit! Or another dozen alcohol-related offenses tainting a game between the Wolverines and Central Michigan! Goodness only knows how many might be ejected from Michigan Stadium when hated rival Ohio State is the visitor were the sale of alcohol permitted! Why, I dare say the number could exceed thirty!

It's too horrible to think about. Beer and its ilk being made available in a regulated fashion? What bedlam would result! What bacchanalian horrors!

One shudders to even consider such an uncivilized place.

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