A Dark, Empty room in Baton Rouge
Cam Cameron: (Spoken)
Monsieur . . . Miles!
Les Miles: (Spoken)
Monsieur . . . Cameron!
Cam:
Dear Leslie, these are splendid recruits.
Miles:
Quite the cream of the crop this year.
Cam:
Such a haul, I’m impressed.
Miles:
Well, one does one’s best!
Both:
Here’s to us
Miles:
I must say all the same it is a shame that Saban fellow isn’t here!
Drums
Drums
Drums
Chorus:
Signing Day! All blue chippers on parade
Signing Day! Flaunt your class so the world will know and fear you.
Signing Day! Top recruits of every shade
Signing Day! Look around there’s a five star’s fax behind you.
Tall tight end
Top QB
Good DTs,
(two or three)
Dumb or smart
White or black
Flanker for
Pass attack
Five stars!
Get their fax, sign em up
On the football team
Right here in Baton Rouge
Strong tailback
Workout freak
Scores TDs
Every week.
Big OT
From Texas
Lemming says
He’s the best!
Recruits! Bring em in, sign em up
So you win
Every game
Every year
And titles for The Hat!
Signing Day! Yellow hats and
Tiger rags!
Signing Day! Sign your fill and greyshirt the disappointments.
Signing Day! Stealing recruits, flipping kids
Signing Day! Woo the kids or just maybe bribe the parents.
Signing day! High school seniors full of pride!
Signing Day! Get ready for boosters to pay the kroots’ rents.
Signing Day! Signing punters and CBs
Signing Day! Make the strength of your class very apparent.
Mme Miles:
What a day!
Cam:
What a class!
Makes me glad!
Kiss my ass
Got the Crème
De la crème
John Chavis
Fax machine is full of them.
Miles:
Oh those months!
Cameron:
On the road!
Chavis:
Kissing ass!
Miles:
Now my work is done,
And I can eat some grass!
Mme Miles:
No straw hats!
Chavis:
No more shorts
Mme Miles:
Have a drink!
Cameron:
Here’s a toast!
To a prosperous year!
Hey Leslie, pass a beer!
Players:
May the Tigers win their games
Cameron:
Make a run
Mme Miles
To the championship!
Fournette:
Think of it
I’m your recruit now
Look, your football star,
Just think of it.
Crooting Coordinator:
But why keep it secret? What have you to hide?
Fournette:
Oh no, please don’t they’ll see.
Crooting Coordinator:
Well then let them see.
This is recruiting! Petty crime!
Sings
Leonard, what are you afraid of?
Let’s not argue (Let’s not argue)
Send the fax (what fax?)
It will be there in good time!
MUSICAL INTERLUDE
Chorus/Crowd:
Signing Day!
Top recruits are on parade!
Signing Day! Show your face to the fans who now will love you.
Signing day! There’s recruits of every shade!
Signing Day! Look around
There’s another ‘kroot behind you.
Signing Day! Look it’s Coach O
On TV!
Orgeron! Bellowing out a YAW YAW YAW YAW YAW YAW
Signing Day! Purples, Yellows, Tiger Hats!
Signing Day! Tell Saban, HEY YOU HILLJACK! FUCK Y—
PHANTOM THEME
SABAN
Why so silent, Tiger fans!
Did you think that I had left Baton Rouge?
Have you missed me, Tiger fans?
I now rule in Alabama.
There I keep my record haul,
Three crystal footballs!
You are welcome to stop by,
I’ll beat you again this year.
I may have lost to Auburn but you’re still living in fear!
MUSIC
(Beckons Fournette)
SABAN
Your fax now is mine!
You will play for MEEEEE!!!!!
/smoke
//they exit