ALBERT LIBERATES A FAX MACHINE

Doug Pensinger

CONGRATULATIONS, NEW HEAD COACH ALBERT

Albert's got a fax machine. Okay, Albert probably found a fax machine. Albert probably stole that fax machine from "an estate sale," which is Alachua County terminology for the thing where an old person dies with the door open. That fax machine needed a new home, and was hungry and cold. But it's eighty degrees in Gainesville today, and fax machines aren't alive and-- shhhhhh, it's shivering, let's get this boy inside before the cold really sets in.

Let Albert know if you see the pigs. Also let him know that apparently he's the head coach at Florida now, and will have to run things for the next year or so. It can't be any worse than what's going on right now or a spin on the John L. Smith designated interim carousel of horrors, so we offer our full support to Albert, and wish him the best of luck in the 2014 football season.

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