Technically, you are not a different person today. January 1 is an arbitrary, man-made label that didn't mean anything to the universe before we showed up and won't mean anything after we're gone.
Fuck technically. It's 2014, the year in which we tolerate no fools. In which we smile in the face of disaster. We kiss you on the cheek, disaster, because you are a child and we're making you sit at the kiddie table. The grown folks are eating. There is only one thing on the to-do list in 2014.
Bring that motherfuckin' ruckus.
NOW LET'S OUTBACK BOWL.
(This is your first open thread. We're sorry if this was a little over the top except no we are not. We'd invite you to kiss the ring but you got some nasty ass teeth.)