THE CURIOUS INDEX, 9/4/2013

Mark A. Cunningham

NICK SABAN'S FINGERTAP GAME IS STRONG

SOME PEOPLE WANNA PUT THEIR DOG ON A LEASH AND SOME DON'T. Nick Saban's press conference yesterday was a tour de force of leash law theory and furious fingertapping.

"How y'all doin' today?" clearly makes a small part of him want to die on the spot. Okay, a large part. As large a part as there is on that tiny, unsleeping Anton Chigurh of the coaching world.

TWIS. USF could have had its own column alone, but the real shocker is Michigan State's hivemind going apeshit over a victory over Western Michigan, and Virginia Tech openly wondering if Frank Beamer should be committed to a mental institution. He can't, for the record, because no manmade bond can keep a wild Beamer from sleeping in his beloved woods as he's done his entire life.

NOOOOOOOO. It's all there, and makes sense, but dammit, Good Bull Hunting, the scalding of a brain takes years to recover from, and often involves irreversible loss of function. (Just like exposure to the Finebaum show!)

SHUT UP VANILLA IS F*&%IN' DELICIOUS. That's what Brent Pease wanted to say, clearly, but he's at least learned that violent bursts of profanity are to be limited to the booth only. Florida held the ball for 40 minutes against Toledo, which is pretty much the greatest goal of the Florida offense under Muschamp.

HALF THE TIME EQUALS 75% LESS DEFENSE. The Big 12 is offering condensed games free on Youtube as all conferences should. The Pac-12's been doing this for cable subscribers for a while now, and the Big Ten could do it even better since you can cut most Big Ten games into four minutes of actual action, and down to even less if you omit punts. (This is not an exaggeration.)

ETC: Just sit in the corner, Spencer.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Every Day Should Be Saturday

You must be a member of Every Day Should Be Saturday to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Every Day Should Be Saturday. You should read them.

Join Every Day Should Be Saturday

You must be a member of Every Day Should Be Saturday to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Every Day Should Be Saturday. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9341_tracker