THE CURIOUS INDEX, 9/24/2013

HELLO, GORILLA IN A TUXEDO

SKINNY PEOPLE DON'T BELONG IN FOOTBALL. Stanford's offense: a classy 800 pound gorilla in a tux.

At two minutes or so: that is a nine-lineman formation. And in motion, it looks like Stonehenge falling over. Tears of joy are real, and they are falling down our cheeks as we type this. (Via)

R.I.P., PAUL DIETZEL. The former LSU coach and father of the Chinese Bandits died this morning, per LSU's SID. Dietzel's career is hard to sum up easily, but put some perspective into how long he lived and how well he did his job: he won an ACC title with South Carolina, a national title at LSU, and coached so long ago that he left LSU for Army. ARMY.

TEMPLE: COMFORTABLE IN THEIR MASCULNITY. Bravo to Temple for this, and not just because they didn't try to tell you they wanted you to wear "salmon" instead of pink, a color real men have always felt comfortable wearing.

OH GOD ALL THE BLOOD. The Numerical today features Bill C. openly guessing about whether Baylor will score 100 points on accident, which barring kneel-downs might actually happen one game this season.

YOU GOT 45 MINUTES? Watch the Selection Committee, where Kirk, Bill C, Dan and ourselves attempt to figure out the best four teams in a hypothetical playoff based on four weeks of college football. This sounds foolish and fun, and it was.

GO FILM SOMEONE'S PERSONAL PARTS WITH A TINY CAMERA. If you had "vet prof" in the "academic staff deviant" pool at Florida, well, collect your winnings, and re-evaluate your life because betting on sexual deviancy in Florida is far, far too easy a thing to make money on, sir or madam.

ETC: "Butter be good be good/ butter be bad/ butter be the best motherfucking thing you've ever had." Mmm, a ghetto XBox, just perfect for playing a few horrendous hours of Desert Bus. The early leaders for NOTY this year: Dr. Suparman Marzuki, Smokey Don Pipes, Fang Man, Yolanda Squatpump, and Norman Conquest. We could watch Derrick Thomas and Marty Schottenheimer yell at each other forever. The NYT is now celebrating people who openly discuss how running over a small child with a car really helped their spiritual development.

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