OPEN THREAD, SABAN SHIFT

Andy Lyons

CIVILIAN UPRISING PUT DOWN; GRAND MARSHAL SABAN ORDERS LOCKDOWN UNTIL SABANMAS

SABAN STATION, TEXASABAN: A pathetic attempt to challenge the benevolent rule of Grand Marshal Saban, who is at least six foot five inches, was easily quelled by the Rolltide Army today in Texasaban. Our proud forces, as usual, fought with a precision that was only outmatched by their honor and dignity, and we once again thank the SabanGods for protecting us from the corrupting forces of Speed and Fun.

Citizens are reminded that rebellion against Grand Marshal Saban's immaculate oversight is punishable by greyshirting or, in extreme cases, forced transfer to Florida International Detention Facility. For the safety and security of all Sabanese peoples, a lockdown is in effect from today until Sabanmas Eve, when limited excursions will be allowed for the ritual burning of Steve Spurrier effigies.

Hail Saban.

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