THE CURIOUS INDEX, 9/12/2013

Kevin C. Cox

THE CURIOUS INDEX IS HANGING OUT AT THE STICKS 'N STUFF

GOOD LORD, PART ONE. Yahoo's story about five players--including Alabama's DJ Fluker-- receiving money from three different agents is an important one because, unlike some people, Yahoo packaged it with a damning editorial by Dan Wetzel pointing out that all of this is bullshit, and that the rules of amateurism need to be scrapped. They were also there when Nick Saban threw his car into bitchth gear and quit a press conference after three questions, and the revelation that the store "Sticks 'n Stuff' is an important hub in the failed agent network.

The other amusing part--in the bitterest way possible--is that Mississippi State had two players involved, because they are Mississippi State and always get the booty end of the stick in life. Oh, and someone gave Tyler Bray money, which is inherently funny because seriously what is Tyler Bray going to do with money that isn't amazing or dumb. (And which NFL team gave him a LOT of money? Oh, like you even had to look it up.)

This is something to remember right now, too.

GOOD LORD, PART TWO. The Reefer Madness section of the ongoing SI investigation into how utterly normal Oklahoma State is as a major football program continues by revealing that over a span of ten years, at least thirty players smoked marijuana, a stunning statement if you cannot do math and know nothing about drugs. There is also a mention of cocaine and steroids in the article, but WHATEVER, DEMON WEED IS ON THE LOOSE.

The other extremely important pieces of information contained within:

  1. Mike Gundy is alleged to have made a joking joint-puffing gesture once in his life.
  2. A player said, re: meth, that "it was the country boys that really liked that shit."

We await the sex portion of the series tomorrow where players and hostesses "were reported to have removed clothes and manipulated each other's genitals, sometimes for hours without supervision from football staffers."

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHA.

You've been waiting on a dream, they walk in and out, and they never stop, USC, Ohio State, and Penn State fans. You've had enough, and now you want your share.

ONLY IF HE WEARS THE MASCOT HEAD THE WHOLE TIME. Seriously, the suit and the head in the passenger's seat the whole time or there's no deal.

EASY CALL. Dan is on the "Cal will make it terrifying for Ohio State" for a while train, as he should be.

EFFORT IS WORTH SOMETHING, AKRON. That's a great try, and sometimes that's what matters most.

ZERO LINEMEN INCLUDED. Whatever, sizeist assholes at Seventeen magazine. Someday you'll be fat, so you might as well get used to it at a young age.

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