HATIN-ASS SPURRIER CONGRATULATES GEORGIA

Scott Cunningham

SPORTSMANSHIP WEARS A FUR COAT AND SPEAKS WITH A TWANG

That's a great Georgia team that beat us, make no mistake. So talented you almost forget Mark Richt has a losing record against Ron Zook.

That's a great moment for that program, beating a team with a starting quarterback with alopecia. Just a special moment.

Saw Miami beat Florida the other day. Anything's possible through hard work and Valtrex.

Pretty special that Al Golden still fits in his First Communion outfit.

Florida really showed some flaws down there against Miami, but I betcha Muschamp will have 'em fixed in a week. And by fixed I mean castrated. Not that I disapprove of denyin' the world of Jeff Driskel, Junior, of course. The world needs more generosity.

I know you got jokes about turnovers. That ain't the right pastry for Florida's offense, though. It's baklava, because it's flaky, falls apart, sucks, and infants could die if they try to eat it.

Tennessee's 2-0? Well, I guess the ACC really is back.

It would be irresponsible of me to suggest that Butch Jones is sacrificin' virgins to get wins in Knoxville, mostly because I already saw Derek Dooley on the Cowboys sideline on Sunday night.

Sounds like things got kinda sloppy at Oklahoma State. Shady stuff happens all over, but you gotta be smart about it and hide the cash in the training table grub. Course, then you get Reidel Anthony poopin' Krugerrand.

He's taking a lot of flack, but Mark Dantonio is one of the best coaches you can have leading your bumfight team.

They say a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, but frankly I don't think it's polite to talk about what Mark Emmert does in the bedroom by his lonesome.

Those allegations about Les Miles not taking academics seriously aren't true, and you can tell because Jordan Jefferson has a college degree.

I'm not saying LSU's Harvard, mind you. Hand jobs are illegal in Baton Rouge, for one.

I'll just say this about Chip Kelly getting a W in the NFL: Art Briles better make sure that Oakland contract ain't made out of people skin."

Big A&M game this week, and I remember another young man who said and did things his elders didn't like much: Jesus. Jesus Montero, that is, a Tallahassee kid I tried to recruit in '99 who ended up changin' his name to Chris Rix.

Y'all know you can bring a gun into church in the state of Georgia, but can't be on another man's back by law? Weird, but nothing else explains their recruiting and their run defense, though.

Not worried about the Tide this week at all. I'm sure Alabama will handle Johnny Manziel just like they handled Stephen Garcia.

Don't laugh. give it time and USF's gonna be something someday. That thing will be underwater, and probably a Dave and Buster's, but still.

I'd say Dan Mullen kickin' the hell out of Alcorn State surprised me, but I'm pretty sure 'has beaten a dog to death' is a requirement to hold office in that state.

Florida State needed an off week between Pitt and Nevada? Guess it's smart to pause between cupcakes lest you choke."

Les Miles has never encouraged anyone to have sex, because that involves scoring on purpose. But I've heard Les Miles will let you hit something in the parking lot and still give you reps, though. Right, Jeremy Hill?

Remember, Blake Bell - the fans aren't there to see you, they're there to see Mike Stoops coach the best unit on the team.

That's what happens when you open the door for Mormons, Mack.

The Longhorn Network got that Ole Miss/Texas whoopin' this weekend? If so, I guess Mack had this planned out right all along.

Guess Urban Meyer shouldn't have canceled that gun buyback program.

That game with Cal this weekend is dangerous, and not just because Ohio's been known to shoot hippies.

You might think pulling off insurance fraud is hard, but then you see the FIU football program.

The painful fact is we need diseases and such to keep the human population under control, and that's why Ron Turner keeps getting hired.

I like Will Muschamp going for two. Eight points IS more than seven, and that's a considerable feat of countin' for a Georgia graduate.

Always liked Western Michigan. Still sounds like cripplin' unemployment, but with a jaunty cowboy hat on.

Wisconsin's got to go to Arizona State this week. They should be fine as long as they don't run any plays that look too Mexican.

Syracuse might get its first win against Wagner which, hey, opera's got a helluva clock control game.

Illinois' gotten a lot better at football since they took all those tollbooths off the field.

Gonna be fun watchin' Ted Roof stroll back into Duke and point to all the places on the sideline where he stood and pretended he could read a playbook.

Iowa-Iowa State is proof there really AREN'T enough channels on TV.

I've never been to Purdue or had prostate cancer, but no one said you wanted to experience everything in life.

Of course I'm not comparing those. We might one day find a cure for prostate cancer.

The Governor's cup is a horse's skull filled with dip spit, and if you win it you get all the free fryer oil you can haul out of a KFC in the state of Kentucky. No, you don't wanna know what Bobby Petrino did with it, but it ain't safe for children or the weak to hear.

Game wardens are useless and terrible shots with a tranq gun, and Bo Pelini being a free man is proof.

Carl's the older brother and a good example of why that Chinese birth policy was a bad idea.

I don't go as hard as I used to when I was young. I don't drink as much, and I take better care of myself by watching my diet, and not watching Auburn and Mississippi State play football.

Bret Bielema fills out crossword puzzles with poop emojis in every square.

Johnny Manziel's gonna turn that Bama game into a track meet, and by that I mean he's got a gun and a liter of someone else's piss.

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