WILLIE TAGGART NEEDS SHIRTS FOR VICTORY

USA TODAY Sports

REAL SHIRTS LIKE THE KIND THAT MADE AMERICA DIRTY AND PRONE TO CURSIVE WRITING

How to succeed in the American Athletic Conference. Remember the American Athletic Conference is just the Big East after a diet. A weird diet. A diet where you lose your pecs and glutes but keep your love handles. Maybe add on a second something you don't need. A third ear that doesn't hear anything right on the back of your neck. Right where the tag on your shirt will chafe it. THE AMERICAN CONFERENCE.

Get everyone some shirts. Shirts with names. The kind of shirts workers wear. With the cursive letters and in some shade of blue. The blue that blends with blood and oil and the things men spill on their shirts when they work real jobs. Okay maybe it doesn't blend. That's the wrong word. Makes a darker, distinct, but less bad stain that you'd see on most shirts. Whole shirt's made of that eventually. What color is that shirt IT'S WORKSTAIN AND I WILL WEAR IT TO SEE THE QUEEN AND USE WHATEVER FORK I WANT.

Revolutionary war. Eating the steak with a shrimp fork to pretend I got a really big piece of steak. Or I'm a giant coach. Either way. It's what Jim Harbaugh would do and therefore that's what Willie Taggart would do. Laugh. He won at Western Kentucky. You pull off one damn miracle in your life and get back to me and Willie will call you even. Now go get him some shirts. AMERICAN SHIRTS FOR AN AMERICAN CONFERENCE DAMMIT.

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