CHEER UP NICK

Kevin C. Cox

THERE IS SO MUCH TO BE JOYFUL FOR!

If he's going to be UNHAPPY about a bye week before the biggest game of the year, one has to ask: is there anything Nick Saban actually likes? And the answer is yes, though it's a short list:

  • Oatmeal cream pies
  • Golf
  • Global warming ("Icy roads mean more hours spent between recruiting visits.")
  • Chamberpots
  • A well-stocked janitorial closet (this is related to the above)
  • Flashing yellow traffic lights
  • Fireproof clothing ("Our opponent sure as hell isn't evacuating because the room is filling with smoke.")
  • Those noisy bags Sun Chips come in now. No more sneaky snackers in this program.
  • The almost imperceptible noise your enemy makes in the moment he realizes that everything he has ever held dear has been rendered totally meaningless in the face of your indomitable crush-force.
  • Las Meninas
  • The lottery, but only Shirley Jackson style
  • Hugs*

*just testing you!
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