YOU ARE STILL YOUNG, DAMMIT

Mark J. Rebilas-US PRESSWIRE

AND YOU WILL PROBABLY NEVER DIE

Cal's new starting quarterback, Jared Goff, is probably going to make you feel old, as people born in 1994 are prone to do. We are here to comfort you, however, with this non-exhaustive list of Things Jared Goff Is Older Than.

  • The Jacksonville Jaguars (by 47 days)
  • Roentgenium (by 55 days)
  • Netscape Navigator (by 62 days)
  • Dumb and Dumber (by 63 days)
  • The World Trade Organization (by 79 days)
  • Denver International Airport (by 136 days)
  • Chrono Trigger (by 148 days)
  • eBay (by 325 days)
  • McKayla Maroney (by 421 days)
  • Major League Soccer (by 540 days)
  • Divorce in the Republic of Ireland (by 867 days)
  • Cuba Gooding, Jr.'s Oscar (by 892 days)
We hope this information comforts you when you hurt your back doing literally nothing this weekend.
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